The path to peace, can be simple

So many questions
Questions rattled my mind
Largely remained unanswered
I’ve been holding onto life
Till I realised it’s time to change

I’ve had glimpses of life
Leading to the way ahead
God has shown me small steps
Stepping stones to a world
Illuminated right in front of me
A sense of life in the big picture
Pieces still yet to be filled in
Yet leading me to what I needed to do and needed to let go of
I prayed and prayed earnestly, God showed me
How! the brain fog was lifted
It was so easy, to gain peace

The path to peace,
Can be simple if we let it
I felt as though
I was traveling along the path
But didn’t really know it
I just really needed to
Believe in myself
God was showing me a lesson in life

I wandered in a blur
For so many years, then,
There had been a silence that had fallen
Leaving enough space, to show me
Letting go, learn to let go, echoed
Where do I go next?
There are still parts of my life
I need to step back from

 

And so I am
I wont say it is easy
There are moments
When I fall into the old
Then turn commit to right choice
Again and again
Not looking back

 

.(c)bjsscribbles

 

Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

There have been a few challenging, situations in my life lately. I’ve been working through them with help. There are times when I cannot believe how far I have traveled, how writing helps you see the many challenges of life.

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The time in our life
All the things I’ve done, and how it’s been
I think about living, my mind, believing in my life
I know now, God was waiting for me
The sun shines each day,
I’ve been lucky, God has given me the gift of life
A second chance in life
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow

So many days pass now, Oh! how quickly they pass
Time whispers around me, in the depth of winter

Moving quickly through Spring and Summer
The timely changes of life frighten me, but I still smile
Each day I grow a little older, maybe wiser, I hope
My life has been good to me, I feel there is more yet for me to do
With God at my side, so many things my mind has never known
Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

Finding life where I have, it’s been a good life here
God gave me a second chance at life, to hang around a little longer
Sit among the stars, watching a falling star
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow is but an adventure
(c)bjsscribbles

 

Renovating your heart, Renovating your thoughts

Thoughts how they gather
Words are thoughts
Gathered in our mind
They don’t need wings
To fly
Lightening bolt moments
That gather, from soul to soul
As a birds wings flutter

 

A bitter thought has the power to hide
Gnawing at your heart, hiding
It still has the power to corrode
Destroying your mind

If we think love
There is times when we don’t
Yet we can encourage love
Lighting the world
Renovating your heart
Renovating your thoughts

Matthew 12:25 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.

Exodus 28:3 You shall speak to all who are wise-hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they make Aaron’s garments to sanctify him, that he may minister to me in the priest’s office.

(c)bjsscribbles

The many who showed me the way

 

 

Try closing our eyes, “How do we see our future?” I have not looked into my future now for some time. I know God is walking with me.  When I close my eyes all I wish to do is rest now. I know that sound old school, but that is when I seem to find peace.
My imagination takes me on a ride when I am wake. I see things, and feel things and let my imagination run wild during the day. Things will happen as I act upon them
Each and every step has taken me to this point in my life, there are times when I thought I would not make it. My thoughts my actions, the good and the bad. Everything I have generated has come from many who showed me the way, and how my life could be. I don’t know where God is going to lead me, I know the last few years had their good and bad points, but the next can be better. Many questions about life have rooted themselves in my mind, some questions impossible to answer. Patience and moments clarity have shown me what I am looking for, these moments have come in small pieces of reality. I have been reconnecting with people, I haven’t seen in many years. My desire to dream the bigger picture of life.
I had dreams before but they were always shot down in flames, broken promises. I wasn’t myself, but now I am all in doing my own things without being dependent on others and that is the most awesome feeling in life that could happen to me. I was one of those that, being oppressed in life, my life was falling away before I was ready to let it.
I had to reconnect with myself before I could let others into my life. It was almost like growing pain, we all remember those, how painful they were. These past handful of years have been amazing, growing, living, challenging. I have written, of the challenges, it’s not easy re-building. The difficulty has been a gift from God, to grow from adversity, forging stronger ties with God, and the people around me. There was part of me that drifted, floating.
Depression, came close many times, life stopped still, it was frustrating, yet there was a deeper connection closer now. Sending me to God and deeper in prayer. Life came again, and I charged forward with a sense of purpose, stronger than I ever experienced before. Solidifying my faith. There have been continued challenges, moments when I relapse into the old ways. Times of deeper connection, with this wiser self, has bought me to a much better place in life. The gift of life.
The way I am heading I know there is the heart of God there, continuing on a path I know is true.
This is how I see myself now, not perfect. God has washed away the sins of the past, so now life can be a pure as cotton wool.

(c)bjsscribbles
Isaiah 1

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

I feel the wind but the tears

Minutes of uncertainty
The many chilly hours
I desire the warmth
Of your mind
I feel the wind
Your all around me chilly
I take your hand feeling you circle me
And try to catch the wind again
I hide behind your smile at sunset
Day fades into night
Everywhere I look
I try to find you
The sweetest sounds of desire
Would make me sing
I feel the wind but the tears
As the rain comes wiping tears
Behind the walls of the wind
Standing by your heart
Longing to catch the wind
I try to find you

(c0bjsscribblesFeatured Image -- 6882

 

 

 

A breeze flows

I lay down on the sand beside quiet waters
Feeling the sand beneath my toes,
Refreshing as I feel the sun warming my soul
I  Could smile upon the whole

Guided towards the ocean, born of the ocean
The ocean was always in my heart
A breeze flows across my body calling me leading
Along unknown paths not yet found
Even though I have walked the darkest of paths
I fear no more evil

The ocean caresses our soul
An ocean breeze praise her beauty
Of nature and beauty, a creature of light
The ocean can posses you

“When you are with me I fear no evil
You comfort me in the presence of mine enemies”

Sorrows and anger, flood the ocean floor
There were times when I wondered “Why was love born?”
Beauty was born of and oceans breeze

You prepared the table of life before me
Your Rod and your Staff comfort me
As I walk toward the ocean, one natural morning
Those footsteps, I wonder, carrying me forward

Your goodness and love have changed me
The wind tosses my hair around
Emotion stir my soul, the lingering embrace of God
Deep within an oceans heart

He created the seas and established the waters
While you are with me, I fear no evil, you comfort us all

In Jesus name Amen…..(c)bjsscribbles

If only

 

My changing face of life came late in life, but my life is still a work in progress. My face has not changed but the mask that I wore for so many years has changed.

 

Would life be so much simpler if we could lift that mask early in life? For some of us it just doesn’t happen till we are ready.

I was so uncomfortable, trying to be someone, I wasn’t. I wore the mask of someone in pain during my life for a long time. Wearing that face, I became someone so alone unable, to connect fully with people. I don’t know fully how it all happened, I do really, and it was from a time when I was so oppressed in life. For far too many years, I was insignificant. I still get nervous in crowds but life is getting easier. I try to play down my achievements for some reason. I am not sure, I think it was because my Dad was such a humble person. I am now starting to show the world what I have achieved even in my writing.

 

You can come out the other side, but still I am apprehensive about what scares me.

 

I faced so many fears as I worked with my psychologist; I have developed more courage, more strength in the past few months. I actually partly have been running on adrenaline with some of the things I have been doing. I am amazed what I am capable of. I think as I face new challenges in life, the fear has given me strength to keep moving forward.

I think of some of the things I achieved since I have been on my own, I have done out of fear. I traveled Australia. I did it on my own. There was a great deal of people out there doing the same as me; few were single women with a couple of dogs. Settling in a strange town on my own, facing barrages of questions, “Who are you?” everyone desiring to know who this strange person was with two dogs. “Where are you from?” what drove you to this place? There were so many questions I didn’t wish to answer, but slowly I did.

 

I am not in the same place; I challenge myself now to different answers. I am a different person now.

I feel I am on top of the mountain now. It’s been a slow climb, but I made it.

I had this moment up on the top of the mountain that is hard to explain. A deep feeling of emotion lately. Being able to breathe, without panic.

When I journey now, where ever I journey, I look up into the sky, “I have arrived, thank you for giving me life” I am going to keep doing, what I am doing, journeying outside my comfort zone. To challenge myself, body and mind, to be stronger each day than I ever was in life.

Finding you, myself, I have developed different beliefs; I attempt things I have never done before in my life. Not settling for mediocrity.

Facing what is thrown at you in life is hard work, learning to face yourself every day, challenging yourself to try and do things you have never done before. This is hard. At first, I found it very easy to stay huddled up, wallowing in self-pity, it seemed the easy way out. Then I found I, had to get out there and live, not being walked on by everyone else.  Climbing those mountains life challenges, I had to take those challenges on to see what happens. Why not give a mountain challenge with God on your side and see what happens.

The mountains, the challenges I have faced will stay with me for a long time. It signifies special moments in my life. Taking down the mask of life and putting myself to the test of life.

Writing my blog has enabled me to see how far I have traveled, how much I have faced in my journey.

Everyone has faced mountains in their life, when we do we take the experience with us and grow building us up, instead of bringing us down. The mask of life only comes off when we go outside our self and journey beyond our comfort zone.

My scenes of my life I have created help me make decisions to tear down the many masks I wore and face my fears.

 

How many mountains have you climbed? Can you repeal the many masks of life?

(c)bjsscribbles

 

The demons

 

Planting Some New Seeds in my life, I’m not sure when they were planted, but deep down they must have been. For the latter years of my marriage I found myself wandering, in my mind. Where it was leading me I did not know.

For many hours I found myself walking trying to escape, wandering yet not lost. I wandered in an about the trees across many parks. Downtrodden for many years, I listened to many whispers, whispers within my mind. How to escape, the turmoil within, there was no-where to go. I had built a home a family, but it was all lost in a maze of Alcohol and abuse. Yet I still had no-where to go.

I kept asking myself how do I breathe, I was tired, tired of life, the more I tried to plan an escape, I kept getting talked into staying. I had focus for so long on what was going on. What I had built was lost, leading to my realization there was nothing left in my life for me. Is that wrong, a desire to find an individual inside a soul that was dying.

I just desired a breath of life. I can really see now how tired of living I was, I know if I had stayed I would not be  writing this.

The demons that sat deep within my soul, I have finally dealt with, the PTSD that would trigger if someone did something out of place. Something simple would upset my day. I wondered would I ever be free of my past. I know now I will live with them, but it would not upset me as bad now I have dealt with them, with my psychologist. For now they are quieted down, through sheer determination to be able to live free. They may rise again, but I know how to deal with them now.

I’ve struggled with my past and how much it has affected my life now, I’ve thought a lot about it. There topics that come up in different situations I shy away from, I don’t need that talk, I am healed. My life is mine now. Maybe there is still a little healing to do, that will happen in time.

The journey I have taken to healing has been mine, my past is mine, but now it is the past, my healing has happened in many different areas. Reclaiming my life has been a powerful experience. The healing has not been easy, but it was necessary.

I am not sure why I stayed so long, I know fear and no-where to go was one of the main reasons. The path I was on was not good. I was always hopping life and promises would turn our lives around. But the promises never came to fruition. Most women in my situation do stay out of fear and leave up to 9 times. I had no idea what I should be doing; I still had no-where to go.

The more I write, the struggle to get where I am today, has been so valuable, to help keeping me moving forward. Who I am today, is not who I was, when I walked away. The struggle helped me understand what it means when I look at myself today. It has been a painful process, peeling away the person I was and developing a new and refreshed person. Untying the chains of the past is always a challenge, I remember the first time I heard “Amazing Grace” after I walked into a church for the first time, I cried, buckets of tears.

I did not think I would be this free, in 6 short years, discovering the heart is pure joy, discovering God and feeling whole is so important.

©bjsscribbles

A Gently lingering tear

A tear drop falls
Gently lingering
On my cheek
Another forms
Alone I cannot be

My eyes blurred
A voice shall be heard
I wait for the wind
I hear the echo’s
In the dead of night
Tears fall freely in the wind
My agony left me empty
To feel waking this night
From a nightmare
On this moonlight night

(c)bjsscribbles

Gentle whispers of God

Gentle whispers echo
Listen for those soft whispers
Hear the beat within your soul
Telling you, listen silently
For the direction of your heart
Which way will you go

Clear your mind
Of all the stories
Blocking your way
The light is shinning on your path
Feel your heart gently
Feel free

Feel with your fingers
Run, with your fingers
Feel the pull
Don’t deviate
Beware of the distraction

Dedicate yourself
Dedicate.
One step at a time.
But there is a choice.

What we see
Our mind, has moved our heart
So we give ourselves time
To dig, to search

Sometimes we continue to dig
But it is in the same place
You keep digging, searching
It doesn’t work

Life becomes clearer
When they do it is exciting
Life becomes interesting again
There is no doubt in your mind
This is the path, the path to reality
Life is not “That will do”
There is a path to follow for you and I

Gentle whispers of God
Listen for those soft whispers
Hear the beat within your soul
Telling you, listen silently
For the direction of your heart
Which way will you go
Follow the gentle whispers of God

He is the wind, He is the air we breathe
He will lead you to your Path

(c)bjsscribbles