Where do I begin

I’ve search my screen for answers, now the decision, is where do I begin writing my story?
I’ve come to the position where my is closing one door an another is opening, so many things happened in my life. There is a huge gap in my life now as I wonder where I’m going to finish. I try looking around a corner for answers. I cannot let go of my old life altogether as there is two grown up daughters. I know the past is my life that was, but my new life is now created, I can involve my daughters. There will still be hurt, my healing will enable me to deal with the hurt. As time goes on the consequences will become clearer.
There are thoughts of challenges ahead, how do you let go of something that helped you survive? I am now the person I am today because of the life I led. I was able to get through the worst times of my life, because of the person I was. I had strength, even though I was wearing out. I felt there was someone looking out for me but did not know whom till now.
Writing this is going to be a challenge, I’ve struggled to get where I am. There is a desire for the healing of my mind body and spirit. The old story of my life rises from time to time manipulating my request to close the book on my old life over and over. Countless times my past rises and sabotages the path I have been following.
There is an outstretched hand reaching out to me, guiding me toward the light, footsteps invisible to the naked eye. Pulling me through the forest of life, I just have to never let go now, never turning back
I have started this process many times, never being able to complete the process. It has taken time, after all it was a lifetime I left behind. Maybe it is a lesson I have to learn, faith truth, trust, strength, courage. I struggled, a great deal over the past handful of years, it’s still all new. As a young person I lost my faith in God, but I have found my faith in God. When I was going through the thick of my healing, I felt so lost in all forms of life. I could not barely put two words together without stammering.
All of this time has led me up to this point. The next chapter, of my life, starting new pages that need to be written as I move forward. The changes that started a few short years ago, when the attempts at making a new life began. Now the new story begins, I have no idea what is going to happen, I know it’s beginning with an adventure and love of life. When I come home after January I wont stop writing or talking.
I know now, I just have to let go, the lessons of life will continue to flow. By letting go I can become more.
As I now close the old book of my life, It pushed me to live as I do now. It helped me become more than I could have ever thought I could be. I see all the moments that I have lived, I feel all the times I have failed and got back up, dusted myself off and started again. I have been resilient, in moving throughout my new life step by step.
I must use what I have learned, my willingness to heal, my faith is now relentless to believe.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.—Philippians4:6-7

January is going to be full, with a trip to the tennis, Australian open championships, for me all my dreams will come true. Turning 65 on centre court. I’ve come from nothing, I’ve grown as a person, full of courage, new found faith, and trust.
The unknowns and challenges leave me feeling anxious. I’ve achieved a great deal over the past few years. A new challenge is facing me as I said going to the Australian Open tennis, flying in a plane. Don’t laugh it is 46 yrs since I was on a plane. Planes now have engines not propellers. Making my way around Melbourne. I’ve been working on a to do list while I am there. I am remembering Paul’s words, “Don’t worry pray”
The word’s of Paul encourage us all. One thing I have come to realise “Life is not without uncertainties” as I read Paul’s words. What I continue to learn is God cares about our lives. All of us face major life transitions, family issues, health scares or most of all financial troubles. God has shown me, I can let go of my fears of the unknown, and stop worrying about what may or may not happen.
As I open the door to my next stage of life, I can rest in God’s promises, that his peace and understanding will guard my life as He does others. Guarding our heart and mind.
It is a blessing not to be anxious about anything, God reminds us we can come to Him about anything and everything. I praise God every morning for what He has done in my life and what He has done in many of my friends lives.
Knowing now God is in my life eases my mind, with prayer, we lift our anxiety
up to God and find comfort and peace in God’s hands. Replacing our anxiety with God’s trust.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

No-matter what we can not create a perfect world

When you have lived life on the side lines and struggled to fit in I know I strived for perfectionism. Every stage of life, when I was young and you follow along through life attending the same school as other siblings and you cannot quite cut it with your grades.

When you are the quiet one, shy, an introvert, and the other siblings are extrovert you struggle to make friends. You want to make friends, but other look past you. So I decided it was my time to strive in other directions, sport that was something I did well at. Nobody could take that away from me. My working life was going well, I made a few friends but nobody was what you could call loyal. I held down a steady job till I married and fell pregnant, it was not a brilliant job, but it was a job as a sales assistant with a department store chain. I started to come out of my shell and it was time to leave and have my first child.

There were no self help books iin those days about being a mother only Doctor Spock and Mothers and Babies. You just winged it back then but I strove to be the perfect mother and roll model. When your husband believes he knows it all and what you do is wrong it all starts to fall away. I dug in and did the best I could. But at times you feel as though you are losing control of your life because you  do some things different than what your husband want you to do. I tried for so long to be perfect I forgot what it was like to be me. To be a perfectionist is impossible the more you try the more mistakes you make, and mistake you try to hide.

Trying to be a Mum and make a home it was in the days when women were returning to work. My desire was to return to work, but the outer suburbs were starting evolve; it was where people could afford to buy homes. Distance for work was impossible for me to return to work, So I tried to become the perfect home body. What a challenge that was, nothing I ever did was good enough.

I wore myself out trying to create the perfect home and pleasing everyone, I ended up confused, depressed worn-out and frustrated with life.

Today life is different everything is out there, the internet is full of self-help pages, blog, the many magazines on creating the perfect home, magazines on creating the perfect baby, attending the perfect school. We live in a world now that keeps shifting the bench mark higher and higher each day to create the perfect lifestyle. Television now creates programs for us all to follow on being the perfect parent, student or athlete, even the perfect cook or gardener.

To me we become actors in life instead of creating images of the home life that is natural to what God describes in the Bible. We are differently as each year moves on from relationships in the home and community to relationships in the workplace the cycle is forever changing in this day and age.

People work long hours to gain approval from their team, or maybe you’re a single person who is happy in their life. No matter what you do not have to be perfect, you need to be you. Not someone created out of the media or what people expect from you. The second part of that statement was my biggest problem

God did not create us to be moulded by the media from all forms of the media; he created us to be moulded in his image not creating our own. God knew what he wanted me to be before I was born, but unfortunately I made mistakes till I learned God was waiting for me to return to his fold..

Before I left my marriage, I knew I was living wrong but I had to wait till it was right for me to leave. No time to leave a marriage a the right time, I know that now, but God showed me how to live the best way I could. With the life I had

Living now with the knowledge that God works in a wondrous way, I know God is creating me each day. He is creating me to be the best I can be and nothing else. Showing me new Gifts, each day, re-wiring my brain, to be a happy person, connecting with others of  the same interest.

I have never been perfect, even though I still try because it has been instilled in me for every day of my married life, but I remind myself now from time to time to take a step back and relax. I don’t have to be perfect anymore, “I am my own person in my own right and with God’s help I am me”. The Lord has helped me to be human again not created in the image of others.

I thank You Lord for giving me a new life. Amen

Romans 2:6-8

He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.

Isaiah 5:21

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!

James 2:14-24

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. …

Isaiah 64:6

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.

(c)bjsscribles

Building a better world

As we thrive
To the sights and sounds of all things living
We hope we are building a better world
But first we must improve as individuals

We must work together, for our own improvement
And at the same time, as part of the human race
Share the responsibility for all humanity

Our thoughts and duty being to those
In need of help, try to give aid to those
We can be most useful to

Each day as we walk out into the world
We try to help, and do well
But more importantly each day
Remember, go into the world
And offer a helping hand
Building a better world
For those still to come

(c)bjsscribbles

A memory, A thought

Something I have to remind myself of lately, things will get better, I will get better, I am important. Even though at the moment I have to be patient and wait, I know I will bounce back.

A memory, A thought
You keep them locked away in your heart
Don’t throw away the key and forget they are there
You believe in those thoughts, promises
When times get bumpy, believe you will get through
Even though you might feel like quitting

At times you may think
“I don’t matter,” “What am I doing,”
There is someone out there you are important too
Follow your dreams, don’t let anyone stand in your way

We have a place in the world
There is always a place in the world
You have touched someone else’s heart
Remember you are you and all the things you do
Are important to this world

.You carry an aura about you
Your brightness leads the way
A magic web of colours gay
Your life’s struggles will seems small

A memory, A thought,
Bring them out and shine
Unlock your heart
Don’t throw away the key
Your words are your heart
They are you
A magic web of colours gay

Mirrored, reflections

Fields of green
Beds of roses
Bloom all around
For me and you and you
There for all to see
In this exciting world

Mirrored, reflections,
Glisten, skies so blue
A sea of white clouds
Mirrored, reflections,
A bright clear day
Emerges from a dark night
For all to see
In this exciting world

So pretty , so delicate,
A see of smiling faces
All the colours of a rainbow
Friends mingle

I see babes in arms
I hear them gooo, and gaa,
Growing each day
So much to learn
I’ll never know what they know
It’s and exciting world
Mirror reflections
A world so bright

(c)bjsscribbles

He is there by your side

Through strain and stress
Making you tired an invisible
Your tears continually flow
God is there and he will wipe them

He is there by your side
He will hold your hand and guide you through
At a time when friends just are not around

He knows you’ve seen troubles
Shrouding you when you sleep
Guiding you through troubles
And when you need to rest
He will give you peace

He knows you’ve wandered
Wandered aimlessly
But when night falls
He is always there
Comforting you

He takes your hand
Guiding you to your haven
Protecting you from the pain

Your world is your oyster
Your ocean has claimed you
You’ve opened your oyster
All your dreams are shinning
Your oyster gleams, your world gleams

Call out if your in need
I’m not far
I tell you “Your Alive”
He is there by your side
He will hold your hand and guide you through
At a time when friends just are not around
I am there, to guide you

(c)bjsscribbles

In the depth of depression

I can write this as I know what it all feels like, and how depression can alter your life patterns.

In the depths of depression
There is a rolling fog that can
Be daunting as it clouds your brain
Lost in a world of utter dismay

From the depths of your heart
Filled with bewilderment, perplexed
Full of difficulty and confusion
Your lost in a world of utter dismay
You weep for your life
A life restored

Your friend becomes a darkness
A protective shield held, around your very existence
Destroying your will to live at times
Eating away at all your emotions

A dream lost in time
Happiness is often dark and desperate
Often fading in time
You become scared of the other side
Of darkness

Often you wonder
How do you escape
The darkness

Often thoughts written on paper
Show dark feelings

To search, to wander the world
Hidden from the light of the world
Admitting you need help

Wondering what is to come of you
Eyes saddened, broken soul

You are a human being
In every shape or form
You maybe lost
Without an once of hope

Your mind races
During the night
Tossing and turning
Sleep evades you
A place of comfort provides
Solitude, peace, quiet

There is a light that will shine
I know this, I’ve been there
It’s difficult, I know

You will survive, You will find the light

Look for a world, it is an amazing place
Form a united front, live life
I know the world can be a place of darkness
Evil, and trials that force us to struggle
Remember, there is a light
It’s difficult I know

(c)bjsscribbles