If only

 

My changing face of life came late in life, but my life is still a work in progress. My face has not changed but the mask that I wore for so many years has changed.

 

Would life be so much simpler if we could lift that mask early in life? For some of us it just doesn’t happen till we are ready.

I was so uncomfortable, trying to be someone, I wasn’t. I wore the mask of someone in pain during my life for a long time. Wearing that face, I became someone so alone unable, to connect fully with people. I don’t know fully how it all happened, I do really, and it was from a time when I was so oppressed in life. For far too many years, I was insignificant. I still get nervous in crowds but life is getting easier. I try to play down my achievements for some reason. I am not sure, I think it was because my Dad was such a humble person. I am now starting to show the world what I have achieved even in my writing.

 

You can come out the other side, but still I am apprehensive about what scares me.

 

I faced so many fears as I worked with my psychologist; I have developed more courage, more strength in the past few months. I actually partly have been running on adrenaline with some of the things I have been doing. I am amazed what I am capable of. I think as I face new challenges in life, the fear has given me strength to keep moving forward.

I think of some of the things I achieved since I have been on my own, I have done out of fear. I traveled Australia. I did it on my own. There was a great deal of people out there doing the same as me; few were single women with a couple of dogs. Settling in a strange town on my own, facing barrages of questions, “Who are you?” everyone desiring to know who this strange person was with two dogs. “Where are you from?” what drove you to this place? There were so many questions I didn’t wish to answer, but slowly I did.

 

I am not in the same place; I challenge myself now to different answers. I am a different person now.

I feel I am on top of the mountain now. It’s been a slow climb, but I made it.

I had this moment up on the top of the mountain that is hard to explain. A deep feeling of emotion lately. Being able to breathe, without panic.

When I journey now, where ever I journey, I look up into the sky, “I have arrived, thank you for giving me life” I am going to keep doing, what I am doing, journeying outside my comfort zone. To challenge myself, body and mind, to be stronger each day than I ever was in life.

Finding you, myself, I have developed different beliefs; I attempt things I have never done before in my life. Not settling for mediocrity.

Facing what is thrown at you in life is hard work, learning to face yourself every day, challenging yourself to try and do things you have never done before. This is hard. At first, I found it very easy to stay huddled up, wallowing in self-pity, it seemed the easy way out. Then I found I, had to get out there and live, not being walked on by everyone else.  Climbing those mountains life challenges, I had to take those challenges on to see what happens. Why not give a mountain challenge with God on your side and see what happens.

The mountains, the challenges I have faced will stay with me for a long time. It signifies special moments in my life. Taking down the mask of life and putting myself to the test of life.

Writing my blog has enabled me to see how far I have traveled, how much I have faced in my journey.

Everyone has faced mountains in their life, when we do we take the experience with us and grow building us up, instead of bringing us down. The mask of life only comes off when we go outside our self and journey beyond our comfort zone.

My scenes of my life I have created help me make decisions to tear down the many masks I wore and face my fears.

 

How many mountains have you climbed? Can you repeal the many masks of life?

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Songs of our lives

Songs of our life are the tunes of God
God writes the words, the patterns
We set the tune, to music each day
Songs of sadness, sweetness, or glad
We choose the time, fashion, each situation

We write the tune, whatever song of life
Rhyme or reason, sadness, we can turn into joy
We can turn Joy into Joyfulness

Each life has a song, that is free and strong
Music he writes is only a small part
Sadness, the pain in life
The singer becomes the story teller

The singer talks to God, in his voice
A hymn resinate’s across the sky
He knows not how the words sound
Words lonely and sad, because
The tune is dreary

Music ringing across the sky
Under the tune of sadness
The song of another
Through words, turns pain into gladness

Triumphant words, now ring out
Giving the world, more joy
Setting ourselves alive, in the world of God
So whether our songs are sad or not
In which the heart is now set alive
We can live and survive

(c)bjsscribbles

There was a time

 

So many life changes have come into my life. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it is me living this life. I am feeling pretty good and pleased.

Sometimes old doubts creep into my mind, I have to shake myself and tell the dangerous doubting thoughts to get out. Those times are hard and tough going, but with the help of many around me and most of all knowing God is in my life. I get through.

There have been times lately when I have wondered if I’ll ever be free of the life I led before. With so many things happen it’s hard to keep the past where it should be, in the past. The scars are slowly passing, fading, they will fade further over time. I have had trouble believing in myself, today I’ve come to the point where I do.

The person that cause so much heart ache over time in my life is slowly fading as well, but unfortunately, news creeps through. Refreshing the memories, now I move past those time quickly, but I feel for those in the city that deals with it most of the time.

I love the quiet in my life now, no arguments, no yelling, no hiding. Finally I feel as though there is peace in my life. At the moment I am looking after friends dogs for about a fortnight, I was anxious a bit, thoughts of my dogs came flashing before my eyes, which is only natural after all I had them for the best part of 20yrs. Today as my friends left for Sydney, I have felt comfortable with the dogs, really I don’t know what I was worried about. Almost as though I have never been away from dogs.

To express the feeling of how I attained peace in my life is puzzling to me. Many say it is simple because I have “God” in my life but I often wonder is it as simple as that. Maybe it is. My trouble is I have been looking for so many answers, but it has been before my eyes all the time.

I truly don’t know how I got through all the years of turmoil in my life before without “God”, many times I coould’ve taken my life but continued pushing through, to get where I am now. There are many I know that don’t have g”God” or any sort of belief in their life. I became tired of the answer one foot after another, I knew there had to be a better way, I guess I found it.
(c)bjsscribbles

 

There was a time,

When I didn’t have all the answers

Who’s to say that I do now

Who’s to say anyone does

I remember many saying

“What goes around comes around”

I believe, now

The many tears that have passed in time

Tears pass away, then you finally see

Life is alright, whatever you do

Memories, come back to you

You remember it is all true

Life is alright, whatever you do

It’s coming back, to you

The passion of life caught between

The beauty of a rose and the remains of life covered in ashes

At the end of your rope

You don’t want to feel, you don’t want to be seen this way

There is hope, your hanging on to hope

The nights will turn around

You’ll be found, and someday you will rise again

Life is alright, whatever you do

Memories, may come back to you

You remember it is all true

Life is alright, whatever you do

It’s coming back, to you

There is hope, your hanging on to hope

The nights will turn around

With God in your life.

 

(c)bjsscribbles

A day to dream

 

 

As Autumn turns into winter
Throughout these mellow days
Sky’s soft and powdery blue
Sometimes cloudy and grey
Yet perfume lingers, pursuing my heart
Sit idle pondering your day
Let us lie down and dream
A day is varied by the dream

Sunshine is gentle
The warmth of the sun is softened
To daydream in this time of the year
A warmth from heaven is leaning
On your heart

The waters lie calm, see how calm the day is
The definition of a dream beneath the sky
As the sun draws on a haze, glistening above
Dreams float away on these gentle days

Lay down the pen, compile a thought
The battle within your thoughts cease
The tide lay silent as nature rests,
Dreams for the season, float

While life waits, work waits
So does my heart, wait for my thoughts
Gather my pen in the hours of rare warmth
Write down thoughts of gold
As winter nears

Sometimes I dream too long
My dreams get me through
“I wonder do you dream too long?”
We must wake, sometimes shivering
At a gentle touch, those hours we lost
Dust of the dreams, flowers that have withered

We make ready for winter, stormy days and nights
Autumn days, soft and gentle, golden days
With sky, so powdery blue, light hazy sky’s
My heart, guides my pen.
As the day is varied by the dream.

(c)bjsscribbles

Do you remember when?

I am sorry but thank everyone for their continued support, I am starting to realise a great deal about the operation I have just had. It is a month but I am doing well, tiredness has been creeping in a great deal zapping my energy. I felt bright and bubbly when I came home, now I am starting to realise, where is my energy. I will do my best to try and keep up, but I am looking for a great deal of rest at the moment.

 

Do you remember when?
Or remember things of old
As I grow older
My heart grows old
Many words that you wish you spoke
Or tales of life remembered
The summer air surround my heart during this time
As I watch the parrots all the colours of a rainbow,
Listen to the kookaburra’s, sit dreaming and wondering
Those conversations never said

The heart remembers, when you don’t wish it too
Oh! those thoughts, when do we speak of them
Give it all to God and he will help
Thoughts, words are part of life
They blossom or decay
Life flowers blooming in the garden
Living and passing away
.Leaving a slight perfume
Lingering for your thoughts

Words and wisdom go together
use them wisely, as many may not
Thoughts, and words we speak
Sometime leave questions unanswered
As the heart grows older, feed the mind
Never judge other because you may be judged
Sometime less may be better
Words used wisely
Can tell a tale

Do you remember when?
Or remember things of old
As I grow older
My heart grows old

(c)bjsscribbles

I feel your presence

I feel your presence
I know when you are near
God I’ve felt your words
Your words linger before me
Leaving messages
I close my eyes, to listen
Yet there is times when I can’t hear what you are saying
Your voice is silent
Frightening
Yet you leave messages
Differently
Yet unexpected
My heart is confused but deep within hope
Your words and messages never come the same way
At times I am astounded when I hear your message
I hear your words in harmony with the sounds of nature
To smooth my heart, so roughened from life
Your words still linger before me, as I search for the Lord
I rid my life of sin in search for you
Yet questions still before me, why me? why this life?
Yet this life has made me feel human again
I have survived to become and individual
There is a generation lost in me
In the eyes of society I have found a new direction
Truth has come the way of life, Your messages
Arrive in unique ways, never all at once
I need you Lord
We need you Lord
Our silent minds and silent hearts
Come alive with your words.
In your name Lord Amen

(c) bjsscribbles

Gods Path

All in the darkness we search blindly
And if we go away from the expected course
We learn from our mistakes
And there is purpose in this

We know we may not win the race
If we were a runner we might
,
We have to tread the mountain’s base
Before we reach its height.
I know now God is there to show me the way
Often we traversed the same path
Paths that lead through darkness, to the light
God’s hand showed me the way

Many passed along the way
Before me, following who knows where
Leaving the mighty words and truths behind
Words uttered by greedy men
Walking now towards the light

Finding love finally
No more pain uttered in the words
Past error now amiss
Lasting love, now traversing the right path

Lost souls, of choosing wrong
Now moving right
Those years were not a waste
They led us to the light…
Amen

(c)bjsscribbles