If only

 

My changing face of life came late in life, but my life is still a work in progress. My face has not changed but the mask that I wore for so many years has changed.

 

Would life be so much simpler if we could lift that mask early in life? For some of us it just doesn’t happen till we are ready.

I was so uncomfortable, trying to be someone, I wasn’t. I wore the mask of someone in pain during my life for a long time. Wearing that face, I became someone so alone unable, to connect fully with people. I don’t know fully how it all happened, I do really, and it was from a time when I was so oppressed in life. For far too many years, I was insignificant. I still get nervous in crowds but life is getting easier. I try to play down my achievements for some reason. I am not sure, I think it was because my Dad was such a humble person. I am now starting to show the world what I have achieved even in my writing.

 

You can come out the other side, but still I am apprehensive about what scares me.

 

I faced so many fears as I worked with my psychologist; I have developed more courage, more strength in the past few months. I actually partly have been running on adrenaline with some of the things I have been doing. I am amazed what I am capable of. I think as I face new challenges in life, the fear has given me strength to keep moving forward.

I think of some of the things I achieved since I have been on my own, I have done out of fear. I traveled Australia. I did it on my own. There was a great deal of people out there doing the same as me; few were single women with a couple of dogs. Settling in a strange town on my own, facing barrages of questions, “Who are you?” everyone desiring to know who this strange person was with two dogs. “Where are you from?” what drove you to this place? There were so many questions I didn’t wish to answer, but slowly I did.

 

I am not in the same place; I challenge myself now to different answers. I am a different person now.

I feel I am on top of the mountain now. It’s been a slow climb, but I made it.

I had this moment up on the top of the mountain that is hard to explain. A deep feeling of emotion lately. Being able to breathe, without panic.

When I journey now, where ever I journey, I look up into the sky, “I have arrived, thank you for giving me life” I am going to keep doing, what I am doing, journeying outside my comfort zone. To challenge myself, body and mind, to be stronger each day than I ever was in life.

Finding you, myself, I have developed different beliefs; I attempt things I have never done before in my life. Not settling for mediocrity.

Facing what is thrown at you in life is hard work, learning to face yourself every day, challenging yourself to try and do things you have never done before. This is hard. At first, I found it very easy to stay huddled up, wallowing in self-pity, it seemed the easy way out. Then I found I, had to get out there and live, not being walked on by everyone else.  Climbing those mountains life challenges, I had to take those challenges on to see what happens. Why not give a mountain challenge with God on your side and see what happens.

The mountains, the challenges I have faced will stay with me for a long time. It signifies special moments in my life. Taking down the mask of life and putting myself to the test of life.

Writing my blog has enabled me to see how far I have traveled, how much I have faced in my journey.

Everyone has faced mountains in their life, when we do we take the experience with us and grow building us up, instead of bringing us down. The mask of life only comes off when we go outside our self and journey beyond our comfort zone.

My scenes of my life I have created help me make decisions to tear down the many masks I wore and face my fears.

 

How many mountains have you climbed? Can you repeal the many masks of life?

(c)bjsscribbles