As I pull back the layer of my life, it’s like peeling an onion, sometimes there is a few tears, sometimes buckets. Then you begin to see things in a new light. Shaking the very foundation of your life, I’ve had to face the reality of life and my actions, trusting yourself is so important.
Recently I have been meandering around looking at pictures of myself since I started this journey, searching different layers of my healing. The innermost mask I wore for so many years was staring at me, waiting for me to peel back the layer that haunted me for so many years. I’ve looked at that picture and searched the realities of that life, a hundred years ago now. It seems like forever. I understood what had existed then and it now scares me to think of that life and how it was back then.
I’ve put that journey behind me now, those areas of my life are too hot to handle, I’ve dealt with everything, sometimes they hurt, but I am able to deal with them now, working through the pain has allowed me to heal. I’ve healed in so many ways. The landscaping around the tree of life, has started to look complete, as I approach the next step of my life. I never thought I could even think I would be living the way I am. It’s time for living.
The next chapter or box in my life is slowly opening, there are unhandled situations. I’ve chosen a different walk in life now and that has paved the way for the person I am now. I can see now who I am and I am enjoying being me.
My world has shifted, unfolding on deeper levels of healing, no matter what has happened in the past. Life is not finished it’s just unfolding differently now. I know I’ve only scratched the surface. Of my new life.
Many years ago I thought I was over growing pains but they are with me now, I’ve been scared about committing to anything. But the other part of me pushed myself into committing to a few things, digging deep into energy that was left, taking steps to grow into the next step of healing.
People have been talking to me lately about writing my testimony, it means going back over my story. Refining life. I have written a great deal, one heck of a lot, there is still much I need to explore, I have to find the energy to dive into it all. The path has to begin soon, wandering back through all the dark caverns of ones life, illuminating everything good or bad. How much baggage I’ve held onto.
With a road map in hand and a compass, I will take that journey.