Walk on through

When you walk
Through a storm
Beneath the heaves of storm
Hold your head high
Through the darkness of the storm
Do not be afraid
Walk on through
There is an end to the storm
A golden sky
The sweet sounds of birds
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Carry your dreams, though they may be
Tossed about, in the storm of life
Walking through the storm carry your hopes in your heart
You’ll never walk alone, God is always at your side
You’ll never walk alone, God is always at your side

(c)bjsscribbles

I feel the wind but the tears

Minutes of uncertainty
The many chilly hours
I desire the warmth
Of your mind
I feel the wind
Your all around me chilly
I take your hand feeling you circle me
And try to catch the wind again
I hide behind your smile at sunset
Day fades into night
Everywhere I look
I try to find you
The sweetest sounds of desire
Would make me sing
I feel the wind but the tears
As the rain comes wiping tears
Behind the walls of the wind
Standing by your heart
Longing to catch the wind
I try to find you

(c0bjsscribblesFeatured Image -- 6882

 

 

 

Passenger of life

When we are searching
Looking for direction
Let your heart guide you
Our dreams fall apart
Broken to dust
Times when we have troubles
Trusting, as long as life endures

Let the signs remind us
We are passengers of life
Let the signs remind us
Let go, surrender
I was once lost

Faith had died
There was no spark
The lights had gone out
Courage can fail you
When all the hope of life runs dry
When the flesh and heart fail

Let the signs remind us
We are passengers of life
Let the signs remind us
Let go, surrender
I was once lost

We’ve been here so long
Following the bright shinning sun
Find comfort in God’s promises
Find inner peace, the hunger doesn’t cease.
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

A breeze flows

I lay down on the sand beside quiet waters
Feeling the sand beneath my toes,
Refreshing as I feel the sun warming my soul
I  Could smile upon the whole

Guided towards the ocean, born of the ocean
The ocean was always in my heart
A breeze flows across my body calling me leading
Along unknown paths not yet found
Even though I have walked the darkest of paths
I fear no more evil

The ocean caresses our soul
An ocean breeze praise her beauty
Of nature and beauty, a creature of light
The ocean can posses you

“When you are with me I fear no evil
You comfort me in the presence of mine enemies”

Sorrows and anger, flood the ocean floor
There were times when I wondered “Why was love born?”
Beauty was born of and oceans breeze

You prepared the table of life before me
Your Rod and your Staff comfort me
As I walk toward the ocean, one natural morning
Those footsteps, I wonder, carrying me forward

Your goodness and love have changed me
The wind tosses my hair around
Emotion stir my soul, the lingering embrace of God
Deep within an oceans heart

He created the seas and established the waters
While you are with me, I fear no evil, you comfort us all

In Jesus name Amen…..(c)bjsscribbles

I pour out my thoughts to you

Reminding myself God is with us all through everything. A few words of wisdom I scribbled myself this morning.

 

 

The wisdom of God’s word
Permeates my soul
I pour out my thoughts to you

Look out an ambush maybe near
But since you refuse to listen
I wonder if you would do it again
I shouldn’t mind a little????

I couldn’t hear properly
By wisdom is the earths foundation
By understanding the heavens and faith
By knowledge the watery depths divide us
Life is more precious than desire
Nothing can compare

Look out for a surprise attack
Set priorities, the time is right
Plan ahead, many a day is ripe
A need for anticipation

Then you will understand
For wisdom will enter your heart
Discretion will protect you
As God protects the way
Love and faithfulness will never leave

(c)bjsscribbles

Psalm 116

1
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

Isaiah 43New International Version (NIV)
Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Psalm 149

1
Praise the Lord.

Sing to the Lord a new song,
his praise in the assembly of his faithful people.

2
Let Israel rejoice in their Maker;
let the people of Zion be glad in their King.

Psalm 72

18
Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel,
who alone does marvelous deeds.
19
Praise be to his glorious name forever;
may the whole earth be filled with his glory.
Amen and Amen.

 

Trying to understand my life choices

Please forgive me for rambling, I am trying to get my head around the new me after a long time not knowing me at all.

There are some choices I have had to make in my life that I am not proud of, there are choices and different choices all have helped me along the way to learn and grow.

Great mistakes evolve when fear holds you tight. What was happening in my life gripped me with fear and anxiety. Over time decisions were made for me,  I did a lot of things in my life out of fear. I started to realise the choices I made in my life, and the need to make  changes in my life

My reactions came out of fear, to I look at my life and realise, doubt, self-doubt, worry, stress are all reactions that cause health problems. Today there are many health problems caused out of a life-time of stress.

When stress, anxiety takes hold of your body, everything engulfs you like a war going on in your mind. I wondered now what life would have been like without stress or worry, choices I made in life would’ve come out of love instead of worrying if those footsteps were your children or someone you feared.

Life has changed for me, I still struggle, when old patterns of life appear from out of no-where, my heart skips a beat and I am lost. I’ve panicked, I am the first to admit it, my PTSD has triggered. The centre of peace I created has been lost every time, I get angry with myself. That is the most annoying part, I don’t want to get angry anymore. I just desire to come back to the new me that I am getting used to and make my own decisions.

Today my heart is open more, I’ll always learn there is something else I can do; I can mend whatever is broken. There is no shortage of tough moments in life.  I am continually challenged facing tough moments set before me. Life is a journey we face so many ups and downs, I am discovering a deeper sense of myself. Along the road of my journey, that has been hard and revealing in many ways. Discovering you is an experience. That is one thing I have trouble getting my head around. Sometimes I see the old ways creeping in, I have to remind myself and give myself time.

I’ve been healing all these months, I remind myself, I am alive and not living in darkness, fear. Those years of fear are now gone. I’ve been doing the work, which I needed to do. I’ve created a healthy life now. I used to jump at any sudden noise, cry at the drop of a hat, wonder who was walking up behind me. Images of a life of fear are now gone. We all have a right to make the choice to walk away from fear, violence, and live in peace.

I am very aware of my life and choices I have made to rebuild, I tried to have the perfect life a hundred years ago, as I describe my life now. I would punish myself severely trying to be perfect. I thought it was meant to be. That idea has now going out the window. I know now I will make mistakes.  I understand and know there will be times when I don’t handle situations and struggle to make the right choices. I am not going to ruin myself anymore by becoming someone else other than who I am. The judge inside me is very hard on me,

.

Planting the seeds of life now is very precious to me; life is not about perfection, or putting on the perfect mask of life. Oh! How that shone before, the mask of a perfect marriage, There were so many deep hidden secrets. I have a deeper understanding of myself now. Over this year I have let go of so many things, I had to, to live.

The past, tries to creep into the future, many times, now I keep walking creating a space between me and the past. I don’t need to turn around anymore and see the past. I have looked back, I’ll be honest sometimes in the real early days it would have been easier to go back than to face the future. I’ve made bad decisions, when I have been in a confused state of mind. Sometimes I thought the future was a mirage, it would never happen, now I have arrived in the future and making a life.

I tortured myself for so many years, but those days are now gone, I am living in the here and now, making the very best of my life. I’m not perfect, I will make mistakes, maybe I will hurt people, but I’m not hurting myself anymore. I will do everything possible to do everything right, because I care about my choices today and always..

(c)bjsscribbles

 

The inner soul

Lately I have struggled with my thoughts, there has been a great deal going on in my life. Turning to God has saved me more and more each day. Keeping me moving forward, I have been moving forward but I have struggled to write. The more I think I am getting there, I seem to take a step back.

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Music of life, created day and night
My nature is that of music
My lips have stammered
My sound has struggled
I utter a silent sound
Not able to fulfill the need of others
Dreams, thought, feelings interlaced
Inwardly, all senses answer the call
Tunes, so mysterious to the ear
Which step out to greet, granting infinite pleasure
From the darkness of the night, to the light of day
The soul I struggle to bear, the song of  my soul,
My inner soul has struggled
Through the portals of hearing, the beauty
Now of night, utter all sounds
Thunder now of night, breaks its own cloud
My flesh shivers, before my soul

(C) bjsscribbles

There is one who came for us

Call the Holy Spirit
“Come to my soul, Holy Spirit”
Fill my soul, with your presence
I feel an awe when I know You are near
Always as I breathe, Your Spirit
Your desire
To teach us all,
Your pleasure to show
The gentle flow of Your Spirit
Teaches us to grow
To those who believe
A comforter has come
The Holy Spirit
I am one
Who thought
There is other ways
Now I ask the God the Father
As I lay my troubles at the cross
Jesus shows me the way
With, Faith, Truth, Strength, Courage
There is no other God
There are powers, beyond the realm
Mighty powers we fight
Jesus rose on the third day
Fight of the power of the devil
Dear, Heavenly Father, I feel your Spirit
In the breath I breathe,
I worship You each day
My quiet time I dwell on You
While I wait for You to come
In Jesus name Amen
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Recently

I think, I had been riding a wave of life renewed. You may have read before some of what I have written but, it was what I had to do to get me through the last month. Without sitting at my computer, prayer and more prayer, I would not be where I am today with a clear head.

Many things happened during 2016 as I began a journey back into a world unknown.

Let me take a journey back for a second or two, to where I don’t go  much anymore. I don’t need too. I am not that person anymore. When I first left my marriage, and walked into my cousin’s house during the early stages of my divorce, shock had set it in. I thought my marriage was for life I had a house family. Walking into my cousin’s home because, I could not get a roof over my head for me and my two dogs. There was a feeling of emptiness all I had was the clothes on my back and two dogs.

Domestic violence comes in many forms and does your head in, living it for a long, long, time you have many scars; you deal with them as I had done with mine. There are many people out there that have lived as I have. Some that lived it a great deal longer than I. There are some special people I know that have helped me turn my life around, especially God. Becoming a new Christian, it was not allowed during my marriage and now sometimes I have questions raised by some. I am not changing for anyone; God has got to where I am today.

Recently those scars opened up and I have had to deal with them, there have been times during the past couple of weeks where, I could barely raise myself out of my bed. I pushed myself, because I don’t give in easy. I love walking, exploring as I walk. That even got put on the back burner, for a while. Walking where I live is heaven, the air is so pure and people chat with you even if you are walking on your own. I was so happy when my legs started to carry me on a journey when I started walking again. It has been a journey to today.

I bought myself a new car, during 2016, my dream car a car I never thought I would ever own. I was so happy to give Tibby my dog rides in it; she was able to enjoy it for a little while. I was so nervous buying it, but Wow, it has taken me on a journey in the first few months I have had it. Unfortunately Tibby passed away just before Christmas.

One of the biggest shocks to my nervous system last year was coming off long term pain medication. Something I never wish to go through again, pain medication also ruined my teeth. No body I know looked down on me for the condition of my teeth; they knew what I had been going through. I was ashamed as I always had looked after my teeth.

During the time leading up to Christmas, I started feeling empty. I felt my heart hardening, it was Christmas. Christmas is always a hard time for a great deal of people around the world. Today when you try and feel like Christmas, something happens to change the joy of Christmas into sadness. It does me but somehow you get through. I think back to when I was growing up, Christmas in South Australia started happening when the lights turned on by the River Torrens. Then everyone started getting excited; today it seems as though people expect Christmas when Easter is over.

New Year comes and goes, and here we again venture through another year. We all wonder where it is going to lead us. For me the start has been rough, but I will get through with God walking beside me. In a few short weeks there has been a great deal happening for one person. Blowing my whole world out of proportion, suddenly my peace I created was disrupted. Building a pergola, that was a pure joy, but suddenly I was not coping. I felt as though I hit a brick wall and I knew that was not good. My PTSD had returned, doing too much and dealing with some difficult people in my personal life had forced me to hit that wall. Somebody recently affected me and sent my body into shock.  A big cruncher for me which will send my PTSD into action is loud noises, I have to escape or it will send me into a corner. I recently had to see the Boss of the complex where I live to explain a few personal details of my life to him; he did not know the reasons behind my move to this valley. He was shocked when I told him. Yesterday as I finished up with my pergola and the privacy surround was completed. I started thinking more about God even though, I pray and praise God for my life each day. I feel blessed, that I lead the life I do, I might live on my own, but I am not on my own, God is with me. I have good people surrounding me. Plus a good support group of people, something I have never know before in my life.

There has been a purpose for the return of my PTSD, I realise now; God was showing me, I need a little more strength to carry on in my life. Yesterday when I was with some friends doing a bible study, I felt down, I felt as though what am I doing. I battled through. I was having trouble getting my head around the study, sometimes my mind just felt blank. Yet when I came home, I paced the floor gathering my thoughts. Then around 3pm, something clicked inside me and the past couple of weeks were over. God is giving me strength. A strength I have never know before.

Suddenly finding a voice and standing up for myself it has been a show of strength. I also have to learn how to control it in a polite way. Being obnoxious is not me, or even rude. I had enough of people being like that in the early stages of my life, all I desire is peace and a head that is not full of fog from people getting in my head.

Now I do feel renewed in the mind and soul.

I have a few posts to put up, it is where my head has been shaking myself out of depression. PTSD. It is where I truly don’t wish to go anymore but it is going to happen again sometime, but I hope not as painful as this time.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

God will hear a cry,

The cry
The soul is troubled
For often the eye mistakes
And the brain is trouble
Again and again
Comfort and help
Comes from the Lord
Yet anguish comes from the memory of our sins
Our iniquities
Are saved by the measures of forgiveness
Like the corner of a gem
Placed delicately, do not pass over them
A psalm will carry you to a place you need
Your soul waits for you
God will forgive, he waits for us
To come to him,
Things beyond all powers
The cry of a child, God will hear
Shadows of the world, will appear
As God reveals the answer
And we draw on God’s grace.

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