Who I am

I’ve been thinking today
How shattered my heart has been
I close my eyes
Thinking about the words
Words, I have written

Thousands of words have flowed

Building a new heart

I’ve explored so many caverns in my heart
Finding a deeper understanding of my life
Who I am
It’s been far from perfect
Some many years of tears
There is a view from a hill nearby
A cross stands on the hill
As I sit on the rail thinking
I am content now, with God in my life

The demons of life scared me for so many years
Crushed my self-esteem, a lifetime of self-esteem
Flushed, till now, scars are fading fast

So many stories of life, so many memories
Memories of times, now past
Yet I’ve stood up and faced life
My defeats speak to me, from time to time
Scars now fading, forgiving, yet do we forget

Confusion ruled my mind
The darkness of life ruled my life
My mind, ruled my world
There was a time, I was ready to quit
God pulled me back out of the darkness

The love of life now, rules the heart
People picked me up, sharing new memories
The person I am now, these people built me up
I am proud of who I have become
I know I am still on a journey
I am far different now
And that’s a miracle
God showed me there is love
Love has won…In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Not hiding the shame

Lately I have started walking in my life openly, talking more about the life I led before I came to the place I am at now. I don’t hide what happened in my life anymore, it is such a great feeling to live openly and honestly.

___________________________________________

 

 

We live a life
Sometimes not talking
Hiding the shame of life

Yet there comes a time
When we need to talk
Not hiding the shame
My shame covered me
Covered my life
I find now

It’s okay, to say, “I’m not Okay”
There are days when we can ask, “RU Okay”
Because in life sometimes, we are not really okay

Ever tried putting up a smile
Trying to convince everyone
You’re alright, it’s hard work

For years, I live my life like that
Hiding behind a smile, believing
Before achieving
When you are hurt
Really hurt emotionally
Or physically
You don’t have to hide
Or pretend

For a long time I hid my wounds
Till I found I was not alone
We all have wounds
After all we are individuals and human
To be real, and authentic
Is a challenge till we do
We will never heal

I pretended for so many years
My soul knew the truth
It knew I was hiding, lying
Healing came slowly, honestly
And with compassion
Love, forgiving, learning

Healing came as I walked into the dark side of my life
Not hiding, as I walked out of the dark and toward the light of God
I learned I was walking in the light, discover the light

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Your image waiting for me

A journey through despair
Across valleys
I came through a journey once
My sight more powerful than the darkness
Through the night visions of the past
Fair memories of eyes that once smiled
Perfume lingered, as I came through the valley
,
Through the journey I began to see
Fair and far, images floating looking up
Searching the stars, leading them
Toward the shore, of my lost
The arrow, now lingering, floating
Hope, now lingers in the future
As I journey across the valley

Empty from a journey through the valley
Though a light now shines, like a beam
Lightning flashes across the horizon
Desolate, in despair, loves eyes now searching
Dear God, I have journeyed, but I fell
My soul searching for you God,
Now as I come through the valley
I recognised Your image waiting for me
(c)bjsscribbles

In Jesus name Amen

Two lives-one beginning now

It all seems like yesterday
Had I but lingered in yesterday
Yet it was a long time ago
Yes we are called-yet we must go
I had a dream once, yet today it is all but forgotten
Have all that once were children forgotten
Dreams that were once life
As the sun shines, deep within my eyes
My dream of life

Slowly a wall rose, protection
With infinite affliction, a wall of protection
Between me and my life, my dreams of life
With arms folded, the flimsy light arms folded
Creating shadows of light, surrounding me

As the sun shines, deep within my eyes
We lie down in shadows, trying to remember
Yet today it is all but forgotten, no longer the light of my dreams
I have walked through a wall in my dreams
The wall now only a shadow of my dreams

Dreams that were once life
Where are they now
In the darkness
From the darkness of the night
Into the light of day
Images of decades of dreams
A blur of life, each year of my life
Now before me as I walk into the sun
It all seems like yesterday
Had I but lingered in yesterday
Yet it was a long time ago

New dreams now
Two lives-one beginning now

(c)bjsscribbles

Gods Path

All in the darkness we search blindly
And if we go away from the expected course
We learn from our mistakes
And there is purpose in this

We know we may not win the race
If we were a runner we might
,
We have to tread the mountain’s base
Before we reach its height.
I know now God is there to show me the way
Often we traversed the same path
Paths that lead through darkness, to the light
God’s hand showed me the way

Many passed along the way
Before me, following who knows where
Leaving the mighty words and truths behind
Words uttered by greedy men
Walking now towards the light

Finding love finally
No more pain uttered in the words
Past error now amiss
Lasting love, now traversing the right path

Lost souls, of choosing wrong
Now moving right
Those years were not a waste
They led us to the light…
Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

My spirits rise

A lone wanderer passes by
A gleaming shape
For a gentle heart
With a vision

I Am Here

For living in paradise
A shadow passes over
A lonely heart
I know you are wandering about
I feel your air breeze past
A gleaming light catches my eye

My spirits are mourning
My life immune to my feelings
I wait patiently for you
To lift my spirits

I know you are waiting for me
I am a lonely wanderer
With a vision of life
Spirit filled
Looking for a light to share
A shadow lurks behind
Though devastating
Haunting
My time will survive
I will bring myself to love

To live and die in my life
To laugh at life
My spirits rise

A lone wanderer
Found the light of life
A gentle heart
With a vision
Will no longer live in despair

(c)bjssribbles

The mistress of the night, Throws your shadows down

Divide light if you dare
The mistress of the night,
Throws your shadows down,
Divine light flickers across
The jagged rocks, enhancing
The night, an endless dream
Floating across a sky lit by the mistress of the night

Cast your eyes, over the sleepy hills shaded
By a light divided by the moon, a flash of light
Gleams across the sky enhancing your senses
The distant sea, glistens and sparkles
Divided night by the light of the moon
Your stolen night an endless dream
Sounds of the night splash against the coast

Your dream of the endless night
Soon scorched by the morning sun
Your thoughts singed, as the night closes
And will be smothered by the morning sun
A dream pushed to the side, torn down
By the morning breath of the burning sun
Divide the light if you dare
The mistress of the night
Challenges your dreams.

(c)bjsscribbles

In the depth of depression

I can write this as I know what it all feels like, and how depression can alter your life patterns.

In the depths of depression
There is a rolling fog that can
Be daunting as it clouds your brain
Lost in a world of utter dismay

From the depths of your heart
Filled with bewilderment, perplexed
Full of difficulty and confusion
Your lost in a world of utter dismay
You weep for your life
A life restored

Your friend becomes a darkness
A protective shield held, around your very existence
Destroying your will to live at times
Eating away at all your emotions

A dream lost in time
Happiness is often dark and desperate
Often fading in time
You become scared of the other side
Of darkness

Often you wonder
How do you escape
The darkness

Often thoughts written on paper
Show dark feelings

To search, to wander the world
Hidden from the light of the world
Admitting you need help

Wondering what is to come of you
Eyes saddened, broken soul

You are a human being
In every shape or form
You maybe lost
Without an once of hope

Your mind races
During the night
Tossing and turning
Sleep evades you
A place of comfort provides
Solitude, peace, quiet

There is a light that will shine
I know this, I’ve been there
It’s difficult, I know

You will survive, You will find the light

Look for a world, it is an amazing place
Form a united front, live life
I know the world can be a place of darkness
Evil, and trials that force us to struggle
Remember, there is a light
It’s difficult I know

(c)bjsscribbles

Beauty beholds a horizon unknown

Captured by the glow of a yellow moonlight night
The golden age of majestic splendour
The iridescent glow reflected my pathway
I a wandering traveler, finding my way
Around this strange land
Lights dancing in the darkness above the ridge
Flickering light down upon the pathways
A soft gentle breeze swept across my face
A slight tinge of candles burning caught my senses
The pathway was leading me to a place unknown
A soft gentle tear trickles down my cheek
Feelings had taken me to a place
I had walked before, but was it a dream
On this dark night, I knew every footstep I took
The light of the moonlight guided me
The light of another life, another time
Destination unknown sometimes
I walk by the light of the moon
For hours at times dreaming
Horizons unknown
Beauty beholds a horizon unknown
Dominating the sky

A light guided my way, I found my place
I found my peace and harmony in life

(c)bjsscribbles