Silence in the unknowns

My Footsteps search new places
Places I’ve never been before
The shifting sands that speak
Footsteps in desert sands
Speak to my soul
Introduced unknowns
One free whisper
Brings comfort in solitude
Silence in the unknowns
I hear them welcoming me
Footstep calling me for such a long time
Quiet me down, seek and discover
Knock and a door will open
Ask and receive new lands
They breathe the air of realisations
That littered my life,
Making changes, clarity
I’ve connected the dots lately
Where only a short time ago I was lost
I still have unanswered questions

Divided by roads not yet taken
Those roads are becoming closer
As I walk through the next coming days
Those questions, I will leave, for now
While I move into the next phase of my life
No more pushing and pulling at my heart
I know, answers will arrive
From the heights of the mountain forests
There is no time limit
Don’t rush, let it be

I don’t feel alone anymore
I feel more connected
I feel the footsteps of God
Across the desert sands to the mountains
There is love that has always been there
Love that is growing
I found something deeper
That I avoided for a life time

 

It was always meant to happen
I lived in denial for so long
Finally answering the call of God
You can always try and avoid the call of God
But the truth is always there
Shinning the beacon light of God
Despite your attempts to stay hidden
Step into the light

You may not know where you are for a time
I know I didn’t know where I was
The feeling of being lost arrives at moments
You’re beyond where you once were
You’ve moved past the past, you’re experiencing new things
You’re growing, comes all of the greatness of life and adventures

To heal and regenerate body, mind, and soul
I had no idea of what to expect, my emotions,
My thoughts, my faith has grown
My guidance from God
For me that’s enough
Faith, trust, and the grace of God
.
I know I can do this, the wind will blow
Calling me to something great
Things will change the course of my life
One step at a time
Divided by roads not yet taken
Those roads are becoming closer
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

To feel life as I do now

A beautiful time of day
Dusk, on a summer’s eve
Under the Australian sun
I never want to die
I want to live forever

To feel life as I do now

Will it be ever possible,
The trees, with branches covered in leaves
Covered in blossom, picked by faith
OH! they barely feel us walking beneath
The corners, the footpaths, we turn and walk
Maybe the life journey we take
Continue to hold us all on earth
There are days I walked through life
As though I was in limbo
Forgetting to look around.
Without turning my head
A beautiful time of day, Dusk
On a summers eve, I want to live forever
Where the vine grows over the fence
Dangling the fruit of God
The joys of a childhood once remembered here
Imagining our deep root on earth
(c)bjsscribbles

Standing up to all the demons in my life

There have been times over the years, where I wanted to throw in the towel, give in and quit. But I have held on progressing further each day.

It has taken all my strength to hold standing up to all the demons in my life. I’ve taken a complete new road, walking with God. I’m staying away from the wolves, keeping away from the prey. The wolves are just around the corner, waiting for me to fail, attacking at the greatest moment of weakness.

 

I keep reminding myself, stay strong, hold firm it’s my life now. The odds were well and truly stacked up against me when I first walked away from life, there was no-one who believed in me or what I was doing. I dug into my faith started searching for a new way of life. I knew there had to be another way to live, I couldn’t go back. I began to live the way of the gospel my belief grew an I reminded myself why I was doing it. No-one could take my journey it was my choice.

Many showed their opinions feeding doubt into my mind and soul, despite their best intentions. It was never about me or what I was doing, it was always about them. It was their fear speaking not mine. It was the sense of possibility showing about my choices.

I have travelled a path others in my life couldn’t achieve, silencing the outside voices in my life. I admit there is a silence in my heart, it is a fear, I tell myself, “Don’t soften, endure” Hold on tight, you are there for the long ride.

I have been challenged in many ways lately, as I continue to believe, my hearts desire to know more about the gospel, my thirst for adventure, to spread my wings further. I’ve been looking back over the years, since I left my home, my increased faith, it has been unconventional but my life now is true and good.

 

Though challenges, have been many, especially those of the devil, yet I know deep down, somewhere inside, my heart has shone, that has been the most poignant part of my journey. I could have quite a long time ago ended this journey abandoned, time and time again. Giving to wolves their biggest opportunity ever to consume my life again

I could of conducted my life differently, that would’ve set me down many other paths. For some reason I chose the way of the gospel, no-matter what arrives now, I’ve been able to follow my faith, walking with God. Maintaining my faith is important to me now.

There are times when I feel as though I am walking through my life in a blur, maybe it’s the demons trying to attack. Staying in touch with God, putting on the Helmet of Salvation. I feel my heart is guided by my sense of faith.

Faith is no accident, there is something truly there for me, faith that I can continue. My life is now worth something, ablaze with all the aspects of life. Without the wolves preying at my mind.

Read Ephesians 6:10-20

 

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

There are times when I can’t believe

There are times when I can’t believe
I’m sitting where I am
Today with a big smile on my face
I sit with a big heart writing new words
To my life, where the come, I do not know
There’s no doubt God’s been good to me

 

Oh the sun shinning down on the valley
I’m where I want to be, right now,
I’ve never said right now, before
I’ve never felt so loved, I feel the peace
There’s no doubt God’s been good to me

God placed me here in this valley
On the edge of heaven
In the heart of a city
Where my dreams have come alive
Everything I have, and everything I see
Oh! I know God have been good to me

 

The road has been long
Sometimes I’ve lost my way
The darkened nights that continue
Into day, I lean then heavily on my new found faith
The devil had my soul chained
Lord your love has set me free
God has been good to me

(c)bjsscribbles

I see

In the closing hours of the night my brain wakes up continually, Shh, it’s whirring away, Changes in my brain. It turns up the heat on my life, forever waking up in the early hours of the morning. I would so love to sleep through the night. Life is so different now with God in your life, I am now armed with new depths of thinking, I see words now coming from me I never used before in my life. I’m not sure how or even quite sure I understand what has happened to me. But what I can tell you, that I know my life is coming from quietly different place that I have never been in before.

The freshness of a new life, the changes in my character, unrestricted life, has given birth to something I never expected to feel in my life. Changes can be dangerous in life, but what has made its way into my life, these early mornings I wake, is real and honest, and packed with simplicity, countless different emotions all at the same time. These things do happen in life, I would’ve never believed it before, but with God in your life anything is possible and all things can be made new again.

As I continue to dive into life now with Brandy, my new dog in my life. She was a pure gift from God we bonded so much in 3 short weeks. There is now more time to play, than I had before with Tibby and Charlie.

Today life is exciting the changes I’ve made, new people I am meeting all the time, new adventures, sometimes boldness. Life is within my grasp, sometimes a little out of reach. This life is now part of me, I have never felt this good about life.

The way life was dictated to me, the rules I followed, although meekly, have somehow now gone out the window. I’m not lost anymore; I’m coming to know me as me.

I never thought that I could feel like this addicted to life, life is exciting when we give God a chance in life, it’s strange at first. Fulfilling.

It’s strange to feel satisfied with life, I know I will have my ups and downs still, but I’m statisfied how I am growing as a person. I’ve landed myself on my feet now. I read back over the words I’ve written about my life, my words have grown along with me. It might sound silly but it is true.

I have actually worked out why my writing to some degree has come to a standstill at times, because I’m now at peace with my soul. Excited about living.

 

Being the creator of your life

Living my promises I made to myself, deep within my mind I buried them. Not wanting to go back to my promises. Deep within the forest covered in fog, year after year I desired to complete a simple challenge. So many unexpected challenges of life seemed to get in the way.

The storms of life came all so often, in those days my roots were not strong enough to hold on. As the storm brewed, a wind blew; I was pulled in so many directions, confusing my mind. My grounding, my morals, I was taught to be where I was no matter what happened. When the winds, thunder storms of life, blew, the storms of life refused to move.

Someone said, “Why not go over the writing you have done?” I have been thinking lately about the words, which have been written. Many words helping sort out my mind, those words are still there but are not appropriate anymore as I have moved forward. I realise how much, I have moved on and keeping the strength to keep doing so. Sometimes everyone needs to do so and I’ve done so lately. I am now the creator of my life and what it becomes.

Becoming the creator of the days of one’s life is something special. I do what I want now, when I want; I can just sit and dream if I wish. Oh! It is a pleasure. I am proud of my choices, the sense of freedom in life.

I’ve been seeking many answers to life, wondering which way to turn at times, these have been some of the greatest experiences. I’ve asked so many questions, as I walk the hills of the Barossa. The questions of life that come from the heart of my soul with God walking beside me..

I know I am home now; I am at peace with my destiny

Over the past few years I’ve been cleaning, casting out, the mess created in the past. The protective coating we hang onto unnecessarily.  A life times of stories being told, how to act, and all the words that were forced down my throat. Getting me to conform to ways of old, cover ups of life. It has taken me most of my life to have my eyes opened and to shed these parts of my life. I can now spend the last part of my life being me and walking the path that God has set out for me. Day by day I discover new feelings deep within my heart.

At times, I’ve had to rehash parts of my life seeking to get through to the other side of healing. I have achieved healing, but with sheer determination to get through to the other side. Without the healing of God and those that care I would not be where I am today. I would still be the person I was 6yrs ago.

 

My writing has been my therapy and those words, sharing has saved my life along with Salvation from God.

©bjsscribbles

 

 

 

 

 

 

The path to peace, can be simple

So many questions
Questions rattled my mind
Largely remained unanswered
I’ve been holding onto life
Till I realised it’s time to change

I’ve had glimpses of life
Leading to the way ahead
God has shown me small steps
Stepping stones to a world
Illuminated right in front of me
A sense of life in the big picture
Pieces still yet to be filled in
Yet leading me to what I needed to do and needed to let go of
I prayed and prayed earnestly, God showed me
How! the brain fog was lifted
It was so easy, to gain peace

The path to peace,
Can be simple if we let it
I felt as though
I was traveling along the path
But didn’t really know it
I just really needed to
Believe in myself
God was showing me a lesson in life

I wandered in a blur
For so many years, then,
There had been a silence that had fallen
Leaving enough space, to show me
Letting go, learn to let go, echoed
Where do I go next?
There are still parts of my life
I need to step back from

 

And so I am
I wont say it is easy
There are moments
When I fall into the old
Then turn commit to right choice
Again and again
Not looking back

 

.(c)bjsscribbles

 

Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

There have been a few challenging, situations in my life lately. I’ve been working through them with help. There are times when I cannot believe how far I have traveled, how writing helps you see the many challenges of life.

————————————————-

 

The time in our life
All the things I’ve done, and how it’s been
I think about living, my mind, believing in my life
I know now, God was waiting for me
The sun shines each day,
I’ve been lucky, God has given me the gift of life
A second chance in life
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow

So many days pass now, Oh! how quickly they pass
Time whispers around me, in the depth of winter

Moving quickly through Spring and Summer
The timely changes of life frighten me, but I still smile
Each day I grow a little older, maybe wiser, I hope
My life has been good to me, I feel there is more yet for me to do
With God at my side, so many things my mind has never known
Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

Finding life where I have, it’s been a good life here
God gave me a second chance at life, to hang around a little longer
Sit among the stars, watching a falling star
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow is but an adventure
(c)bjsscribbles

 

Moving closer to God

After living for so many years as an oppressed person, change was difficult for me. As I started to grow as an individual making decisions for myself, enjoying life for the first time in decades. I have felt deeply about the sudden changes in my life. My feelings have been that of joy and happiness, sometimes sadness because I have had to stand on my own and make decisions that are for the rest of my life. The changes in life situations have been for the better, it doesn’t mean it has been easy. Lately feelings rose again, I am growing within myself, yet people find it hard to accept I have changed. People I have known all my life.
As I grow more there is a deep shift away from a former way of life, towards a life of confidence.
I’ve been doing a great deal of reading lately with the help of my psychologist about assertiveness, plus when you are under assertion. That was me for decades, never expressing my feelings; my feelings were curtailed by everyone around me. My needs and opinions were placed as second to others. My rights to communicate were not met. I often ended up doing what others wanted not what I wanted or needed in my life. Emotionally, unassertiveness eroded my self-esteem. I have criticized myself for not being able to speak for myself over the decades, but when you were controlled for so much of your life; it takes a long time to get to the stage where your voice is heard. There was so much anger, bitterness, resentment, disappointment bottle up for decades. Such feelings were imploding inside my body causing panic an anxiety that I did not know how to control. I can see now where being unassertive has affected my life. I really do know there is another way of life. The shift inside me is for the better.
Many things inside me have been excited, and there is a lot more to come, as I clear out old feelings. Motoring around my feeling of panic an anxiety is pretty heart and soul wrenching, I do have some good memories of my life. I need to place to memories in a box, and bring them out only when I need. It has also made me think lately about looking after my wellbeing.
I spent a lot of time as the peace maker, sacrificing myself, giving in to mend situations. Placing myself in peril. I am not the only one in life that has had to do that in the world. Deep in my heart, I knew, I finally had to let go and walk away for many reasons. My world was broken. Leading me now to walk with God, there have been a few situations this year where I have huddled in a corner frightened to come out, I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it.
We are coming to the last few months of the year, I have wondered where it has all gone, and for the most part it has been a healing year. I am very reflective of my journey; it has been a long road. Soon it will be my 65th year and I reflect on my journey more. There have been so many things that happened in just a few short years. I do not know what is coming up for me down the line. I’ve seen a great deal of the old ways of life disappear and new ways evolve more. My standards of life have grown
My walls were up, hardening myself, building that boundary not letting anyone in for so many years. Slowly it has come down softening my heart. When I was first on my own, I didn’t wish to have anyone have that power over me anymore, I didn’t let anyone in. I lost, but soon realized it is a new life. I admit I made mistakes, I am far from perfect, and my morals are true to God and myself. Life is going to be good. As I heal further.

(c)bjsscribbles

2 Corinthians 5:11-21

11 Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.

12 For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart.

13 For whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God: or whether we be sober, it is for your cause.

14 For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:

15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.

16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.

21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

Who I am

I’ve been thinking today
How shattered my heart has been
I close my eyes
Thinking about the words
Words, I have written

Thousands of words have flowed

Building a new heart

I’ve explored so many caverns in my heart
Finding a deeper understanding of my life
Who I am
It’s been far from perfect
Some many years of tears
There is a view from a hill nearby
A cross stands on the hill
As I sit on the rail thinking
I am content now, with God in my life

The demons of life scared me for so many years
Crushed my self-esteem, a lifetime of self-esteem
Flushed, till now, scars are fading fast

So many stories of life, so many memories
Memories of times, now past
Yet I’ve stood up and faced life
My defeats speak to me, from time to time
Scars now fading, forgiving, yet do we forget

Confusion ruled my mind
The darkness of life ruled my life
My mind, ruled my world
There was a time, I was ready to quit
God pulled me back out of the darkness

The love of life now, rules the heart
People picked me up, sharing new memories
The person I am now, these people built me up
I am proud of who I have become
I know I am still on a journey
I am far different now
And that’s a miracle
God showed me there is love
Love has won…In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjsscribbles