If only

 

My changing face of life came late in life, but my life is still a work in progress. My face has not changed but the mask that I wore for so many years has changed.

 

Would life be so much simpler if we could lift that mask early in life? For some of us it just doesn’t happen till we are ready.

I was so uncomfortable, trying to be someone, I wasn’t. I wore the mask of someone in pain during my life for a long time. Wearing that face, I became someone so alone unable, to connect fully with people. I don’t know fully how it all happened, I do really, and it was from a time when I was so oppressed in life. For far too many years, I was insignificant. I still get nervous in crowds but life is getting easier. I try to play down my achievements for some reason. I am not sure, I think it was because my Dad was such a humble person. I am now starting to show the world what I have achieved even in my writing.

 

You can come out the other side, but still I am apprehensive about what scares me.

 

I faced so many fears as I worked with my psychologist; I have developed more courage, more strength in the past few months. I actually partly have been running on adrenaline with some of the things I have been doing. I am amazed what I am capable of. I think as I face new challenges in life, the fear has given me strength to keep moving forward.

I think of some of the things I achieved since I have been on my own, I have done out of fear. I traveled Australia. I did it on my own. There was a great deal of people out there doing the same as me; few were single women with a couple of dogs. Settling in a strange town on my own, facing barrages of questions, “Who are you?” everyone desiring to know who this strange person was with two dogs. “Where are you from?” what drove you to this place? There were so many questions I didn’t wish to answer, but slowly I did.

 

I am not in the same place; I challenge myself now to different answers. I am a different person now.

I feel I am on top of the mountain now. It’s been a slow climb, but I made it.

I had this moment up on the top of the mountain that is hard to explain. A deep feeling of emotion lately. Being able to breathe, without panic.

When I journey now, where ever I journey, I look up into the sky, “I have arrived, thank you for giving me life” I am going to keep doing, what I am doing, journeying outside my comfort zone. To challenge myself, body and mind, to be stronger each day than I ever was in life.

Finding you, myself, I have developed different beliefs; I attempt things I have never done before in my life. Not settling for mediocrity.

Facing what is thrown at you in life is hard work, learning to face yourself every day, challenging yourself to try and do things you have never done before. This is hard. At first, I found it very easy to stay huddled up, wallowing in self-pity, it seemed the easy way out. Then I found I, had to get out there and live, not being walked on by everyone else.  Climbing those mountains life challenges, I had to take those challenges on to see what happens. Why not give a mountain challenge with God on your side and see what happens.

The mountains, the challenges I have faced will stay with me for a long time. It signifies special moments in my life. Taking down the mask of life and putting myself to the test of life.

Writing my blog has enabled me to see how far I have traveled, how much I have faced in my journey.

Everyone has faced mountains in their life, when we do we take the experience with us and grow building us up, instead of bringing us down. The mask of life only comes off when we go outside our self and journey beyond our comfort zone.

My scenes of my life I have created help me make decisions to tear down the many masks I wore and face my fears.

 

How many mountains have you climbed? Can you repeal the many masks of life?

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Not hiding the shame

Lately I have started walking in my life openly, talking more about the life I led before I came to the place I am at now. I don’t hide what happened in my life anymore, it is such a great feeling to live openly and honestly.

___________________________________________

 

 

We live a life
Sometimes not talking
Hiding the shame of life

Yet there comes a time
When we need to talk
Not hiding the shame
My shame covered me
Covered my life
I find now

It’s okay, to say, “I’m not Okay”
There are days when we can ask, “RU Okay”
Because in life sometimes, we are not really okay

Ever tried putting up a smile
Trying to convince everyone
You’re alright, it’s hard work

For years, I live my life like that
Hiding behind a smile, believing
Before achieving
When you are hurt
Really hurt emotionally
Or physically
You don’t have to hide
Or pretend

For a long time I hid my wounds
Till I found I was not alone
We all have wounds
After all we are individuals and human
To be real, and authentic
Is a challenge till we do
We will never heal

I pretended for so many years
My soul knew the truth
It knew I was hiding, lying
Healing came slowly, honestly
And with compassion
Love, forgiving, learning

Healing came as I walked into the dark side of my life
Not hiding, as I walked out of the dark and toward the light of God
I learned I was walking in the light, discover the light

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Go back to the source

pexels-photo

 

 

There is a river rising
It’s rising fast, with
God’s thought

Yet no-one has measured
Their full ability, full force
The soul of man empties
Go back, Go back, turn to the source

Find the beginning, forget the borders,
Ignore the obstacles on the way to the beginning
Remember the way, one thought, through night and day
If he keeps his thoughts, man may know his strength
A limitless strength, because he walks with God

That mighty stream is rising fast
God’s thought shall bear down
Hopes, efforts, and purpose
To anchor our hopes, faith, strength success
Find the beginning of life with God.

(c)bjsscribbles

Songs of our lives

Songs of our life are the tunes of God
God writes the words, the patterns
We set the tune, to music each day
Songs of sadness, sweetness, or glad
We choose the time, fashion, each situation

We write the tune, whatever song of life
Rhyme or reason, sadness, we can turn into joy
We can turn Joy into Joyfulness

Each life has a song, that is free and strong
Music he writes is only a small part
Sadness, the pain in life
The singer becomes the story teller

The singer talks to God, in his voice
A hymn resinate’s across the sky
He knows not how the words sound
Words lonely and sad, because
The tune is dreary

Music ringing across the sky
Under the tune of sadness
The song of another
Through words, turns pain into gladness

Triumphant words, now ring out
Giving the world, more joy
Setting ourselves alive, in the world of God
So whether our songs are sad or not
In which the heart is now set alive
We can live and survive

(c)bjsscribbles

When I started my Journey

We are all on a journey, a journey to overcome. The Lord does not have a problem with people who fail. Our Lord does have a problem with those that fail, and won’t get up, and start again. Believe me I have had to pick myself up many times, dust myself off, start again. Overcoming many barriers in the past few years has taken me on a wild ride at times. This is my thoughts for today as I fight through this attack on my health.
2 Corinthians 10:4
4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
Revelations 2:11
11 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes shall not be hurt by the second death.”’

My life has not been easy, rebuilding, to begin with it was not a bumper crop of vegetables freshly growing. There were many weeds that sprung up from time to time. Sometimes it felt like insects scurry through my vegetables, suffering from stress. I have continued with my journey, cultivating my life, faithfully, watching it flourish. Encouraging colour in my life, filling in the gaps, getting rid of the weeds, nurturing my life, the result has been a bumper life with God at my side.
Walking with the Lord, I have come to learn and reassure myself, it does not matter what happened yesterday or how well we are doing in our private life. What is important to us all, the Lord is there He is the same today and always, He is there forever.
Hebrews 13:8
8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I remind myself as I have done today is to overcome the obstacles by giving it all up to God. It is the best defence against Satan. Using the word of God, cultivates the situation, so the Lord can bless and prosper it. By doing this it has helped me grow and overcome many obstacles.
I praise God for what He has done in my Life.
In Jesus name Amen

Find a sleepy hollow

Find a sleepy hollow
In among the hills
Where the wild flowers roam
I roamed the hills where I was as free
As the wild flowers that grow,
And wither in the sun

I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
Where wild flower roam, needing the freedom
Tenderly I now roam, just as the wild flowers
Roam over the mountains and valleys and survive
I found, I am like a wild flower, grown in the valleys, mountains
I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
I did not grow up in these hills and valleys
They found me, now I can find the wild flowers
Becoming lost in a valley of flowers
They grew free as I wanted to be free

I left the home land I knew, and roamed
My dreams of life flowed with me
When I left the home land I knew, and roamed
My dreams of life flowed with me
Flowers that grow wild, survive in conditions
Humans can never survive,

In a garden of life. I floated for so many years
I never belonged, one day the garden of flowers set me free

Tracks I left in the land, footsteps, tyre tracks
Breathing the wind, the winds of freedom
As a flower of this land survives in the wild
Not knowing where it lands, I did not know

Life in the wild, is a mystery, yet to be told
I don’t regret the journey, in the wild
I survived
I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
I did not grow up in these hills and valleys
They found me, now I can find the wild flowers
Becoming lost in a valley of flowers
They grew free as I wanted to be free

(c)bjsscribbles