A breeze flows

I lay down on the sand beside quiet waters
Feeling the sand beneath my toes,
Refreshing as I feel the sun warming my soul
I  Could smile upon the whole

Guided towards the ocean, born of the ocean
The ocean was always in my heart
A breeze flows across my body calling me leading
Along unknown paths not yet found
Even though I have walked the darkest of paths
I fear no more evil

The ocean caresses our soul
An ocean breeze praise her beauty
Of nature and beauty, a creature of light
The ocean can posses you

“When you are with me I fear no evil
You comfort me in the presence of mine enemies”

Sorrows and anger, flood the ocean floor
There were times when I wondered “Why was love born?”
Beauty was born of and oceans breeze

You prepared the table of life before me
Your Rod and your Staff comfort me
As I walk toward the ocean, one natural morning
Those footsteps, I wonder, carrying me forward

Your goodness and love have changed me
The wind tosses my hair around
Emotion stir my soul, the lingering embrace of God
Deep within an oceans heart

He created the seas and established the waters
While you are with me, I fear no evil, you comfort us all

In Jesus name Amen…..(c)bjsscribbles

I pour out my thoughts to you

Reminding myself God is with us all through everything. A few words of wisdom I scribbled myself this morning.

 

 

The wisdom of God’s word
Permeates my soul
I pour out my thoughts to you

Look out an ambush maybe near
But since you refuse to listen
I wonder if you would do it again
I shouldn’t mind a little????

I couldn’t hear properly
By wisdom is the earths foundation
By understanding the heavens and faith
By knowledge the watery depths divide us
Life is more precious than desire
Nothing can compare

Look out for a surprise attack
Set priorities, the time is right
Plan ahead, many a day is ripe
A need for anticipation

Then you will understand
For wisdom will enter your heart
Discretion will protect you
As God protects the way
Love and faithfulness will never leave

(c)bjsscribbles

Psalm 116

1
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

Isaiah 43New International Version (NIV)
Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Psalm 149

1
Praise the Lord.

Sing to the Lord a new song,
his praise in the assembly of his faithful people.

2
Let Israel rejoice in their Maker;
let the people of Zion be glad in their King.

Psalm 72

18
Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel,
who alone does marvelous deeds.
19
Praise be to his glorious name forever;
may the whole earth be filled with his glory.
Amen and Amen.

 

Not hiding the shame

Lately I have started walking in my life openly, talking more about the life I led before I came to the place I am at now. I don’t hide what happened in my life anymore, it is such a great feeling to live openly and honestly.

___________________________________________

 

 

We live a life
Sometimes not talking
Hiding the shame of life

Yet there comes a time
When we need to talk
Not hiding the shame
My shame covered me
Covered my life
I find now

It’s okay, to say, “I’m not Okay”
There are days when we can ask, “RU Okay”
Because in life sometimes, we are not really okay

Ever tried putting up a smile
Trying to convince everyone
You’re alright, it’s hard work

For years, I live my life like that
Hiding behind a smile, believing
Before achieving
When you are hurt
Really hurt emotionally
Or physically
You don’t have to hide
Or pretend

For a long time I hid my wounds
Till I found I was not alone
We all have wounds
After all we are individuals and human
To be real, and authentic
Is a challenge till we do
We will never heal

I pretended for so many years
My soul knew the truth
It knew I was hiding, lying
Healing came slowly, honestly
And with compassion
Love, forgiving, learning

Healing came as I walked into the dark side of my life
Not hiding, as I walked out of the dark and toward the light of God
I learned I was walking in the light, discover the light

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Another time another place

 

A Long Time ago
I wondered,
Where was I going
I sat all alone
Life went by
Faster than time
I knew not when
I was a dreamer
All I had was my dreams
Achieving life was all I had

Life was a disguise
I can see the mask of many
I see my eyes a long time ago
I should have realised

Never changing ever aging
Life dragged from day to day
Some many days and night
Oh! how I wished
I had found myself
Before on the theft of time

Doors that opened
Seeing people, seeing things
People received me
People were good to me
Oh! how the were good to me
Helping me along the way

I woke from this dream
Knowing that I should have
Realised a long time ago
Where I was

Another time, another place
I don’t care what people say
No I realise there was no other way for me

No more living from day to day
A long time ago
I should have realised
There was no other way

Now in another time, Another place

(c)bjsscribblestree

We’re all a child of the Lord

To turn the page, as others do
Chances we take, before we get much older
We’re all a child of the Lord
How we look at each other
You’re the voice, Lord I understand
Your, voice is clear
No longer we sit in silence
We don’t live in fear
No longer
You’re the voice, try an understand
It’s time now we can all stand together
With the power of the Lord
Powerful, believing, we can make a better life
To turn the page, as others do
Chances we take, before we get much older
We’re all a child of the Lord
How we look at each other
You’re the voice, Lord I understand
Your, voice is clear
No longer we sit in silence
We don’t live in fear
No longer
You’re the voice, try an understand
It’s time now we can all stand together
With the power of the Lord
Powerful, believing, we can make a better life
(c)bjsscribbles

My guiding spirit

My guiding light, is there by day and night
I know Your there my guiding spirit
Today an always You are my comfort through the darkest of times
When I’m troubled, the one thing I now
You are there my guiding light, my spirit

You are my thoughts, my vision, You are what life should be
Your arms wrap around me, I’m safe, sheltered from the stormy sea of life
Lifted up in Your care, carried over, every burden, every care
There’s no mountain, no road, I can’t conquer just as long as You are there

There are times when the nights are cold
The journey along the cold lonely road
But in the end I see Your light
No doubts, or desperation, no uncertainty, no fear
When you share, your thoughts,, your love,, the spirit that binds

The power of Your Salvation Is guiding me

My guiding light, is there by day and night
I know Your there my guiding spirit
Today an always You are my comfort through the darkest of times
When I’m troubled, the one thing I now
You are there my guiding light, my spirit

In Jesus name Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

Thank you Lord for the help You have given me

 

Life experiences sometimes are a challenging for us all to achieve the mountain heights and leave anxiety and depression behind. Once this next section of my life is complete, the work I am doing at the moment with God’s help, I should not be walking in the valley of darkness any more. God has taught me many things along my journey so far, proving I am never alone, though I have felt the depths of loneliness when I have been ill. I believe there were so many feeling pent up inside me, He wanted me to face the truth, learning there are many parts to the power of God’s will, I may not have ever come to know otherwise

My  depression is over, all I can do is stay positive, my friend anxiety creeps in as it did earlier this year with quite a bang, it was totally out of left field, I was reeling so hard, my PTSD reared its ugly head. When fear controls your memories and flashbacks, reaches into my soul again after so long being away, you don’t sleep, toss and turn. I wanted it all to go away; it has left my body for now.

There are many of us out there that struggle; I know I am one of millions. Yet when I turned to God out of desperation, repented, and turned to God for the first time in my life. Learning I am on a journey now in my life with God following alongside. We all know the poem “Footsteps in the sand”. We are reminded we are not alone, learning to trust again for the first time in my life has bought me closer to God and I know He loves me and you that are there alongside me. There are times still when I don’t know what is happening to me, lately I have had a major COPD attack, struggling to get on top, many times in  and out of desperation I have prayed. “Lord, Help me I need my breath” In Jesus name Amen

My prayers are slowly getting better over time, learning how to pray, by just talking to God has been the most challenging experience. People have told me my prayer are from the heart. Also someone told me it is just like talking to a friend, because of my life before I never knew much about friends. Today, I either turn to Isaiah, Psalms, there is a special nearness here that I achieve when I need that special closeness. When I am walking around the hills, I feel God’s breath, the Holy Spirit, walking with me. God has become my strength, the envelope of my Faith. When I read this section of Isaiah, I feel I am with God and it gives me strength

Isaiah

53

Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,

and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,

nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,

a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.

Like one from whom people hide their faces

he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

4 Surely he took up our pain

and bore our suffering,

yet we considered him punished by God,

stricken by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression[a] and judgment he was taken away.

Yet who of his generation protested?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was punished.[b]

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makes[c] his life an offering for sin,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

11 After he has suffered,

he will see the light of life[d] and be satisfied[e];

by his knowledge[f] my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,[g]

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,[h]

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.

In Jesus name Amen.

I struggled a great deal in my life, with doing the right thing all the time. Sometimes I wished it was not bred in my DNA. It would lead to confusion, Anxiety, I would wonder what people thought of me and say about me, if I did the opposite. I could not live like that anymore I had to put myself first in my life, but alongside God. The Lord has become my salvation and when I stumble, it may take days or weeks but I pick myself up.

A friend once showed me these verses which taught me a great deal.

Isaiah 43: 5-7

Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

7 everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

In Jesus name Amen

I feel so encouraged when I see and hear God’s scripture, I feel as though God hears my prayers, lifting my worries from my shoulders. Sometime I am so overwhelmed by what goes on about me it is easy to fall away from God’s world, but I know better now. The only way now is with God.

!st Thess 5:16-18

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

This is another of the scripture I first learned, and it has become an important part of my life now. I have found it possible to pray continually and rejoice in God’s word, especially when things are not going well. Many times I wished I knew God before in my life, I did not know how to reach out, now I do. Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, I will show you the thing you do not know.” Mathew 7:7 “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find…….A dear friend taught me that scripture.

There are many other scriptures that I have come to know, please add your favourite if you feel led to in the comments.

There are many truths in the Bible, the most important thing to know is the peace you feel when you are with God in prayer. When you are anxious take it to God, praise God for helping and give thanks. Sometime I feel a peace about me I don’t understand, like Friday when I came home from an appointment, I felt sure I would have been pacing the floor with anxiety, but I wasn’t, I was at peace with what I was doing. I know God has been with me. As I walk through the last of the demons in my life and deal with them finally.

Search your heart when you spend time with God, but first make sure your heart is empty. You maybe are restricting yourself from being near to God if you don’t. Seek and You will find him.

In Jesus name Amen

 

Your Spirit, is in us all

The many twist and turns in life, we can know that God is there willing to help us all. I’ve been checking some of my prayers in my journal today. To hot in Australia to venture outside today.

 

I speak of Your greatness Lord,
I talk of You and Your Goodness
Words You share

Though I have only known You a short time,
I see the many wonderful things You do
I’ve spread Your word to many

Know that I now know, You Lord, please don’t leave me
For the ones that follow, should know Your greatness as I do
Your power, that shapes a world

Dear Lord, I feel Your power each day
The wind You create reaches far above the skies
Your Spirit, is in us all
There is no – one like You

I’ve seen troubles and hard times
I had to see them, You were with me
But I did not know it then
You have picked me up, given me a new life
Together, I can do more
Your comfort shelters me
Praising You each day
In Jesus name Amen

Voices

The past few weeks have been hard, but I got through. My head was all over the place.

 

I heard them coming
Voices, echoing in my head
The first wave echoed
Yet there was still more
Loudly they echoed along the surface
I stood by the waters edge looking for peace
Scattering shards of light
Flickered across the waters edge

Trees surround the waters edge
Whispering in the wind
Wavering branches
Murmuring sounds I heard
Voices, echoing in my head
In the pine trees that surrounded
The waters edge
Casting shadows of voices
Voices from the past

Then I felt it coming
Voices still trying to reach me
I was shivering, I felt them coming
The icy winds of the past
Holding my breath
In anticipation, I felt imprisoned
As the icy winds passed
It was like a switch going off
Fear as actions raged in passion
Instant leaving
Voices cast into the water
As my breath flowed
The morning amber glow
Gazing, peacefully

(c)bjsscribbles

Recently

I think, I had been riding a wave of life renewed. You may have read before some of what I have written but, it was what I had to do to get me through the last month. Without sitting at my computer, prayer and more prayer, I would not be where I am today with a clear head.

Many things happened during 2016 as I began a journey back into a world unknown.

Let me take a journey back for a second or two, to where I don’t go  much anymore. I don’t need too. I am not that person anymore. When I first left my marriage, and walked into my cousin’s house during the early stages of my divorce, shock had set it in. I thought my marriage was for life I had a house family. Walking into my cousin’s home because, I could not get a roof over my head for me and my two dogs. There was a feeling of emptiness all I had was the clothes on my back and two dogs.

Domestic violence comes in many forms and does your head in, living it for a long, long, time you have many scars; you deal with them as I had done with mine. There are many people out there that have lived as I have. Some that lived it a great deal longer than I. There are some special people I know that have helped me turn my life around, especially God. Becoming a new Christian, it was not allowed during my marriage and now sometimes I have questions raised by some. I am not changing for anyone; God has got to where I am today.

Recently those scars opened up and I have had to deal with them, there have been times during the past couple of weeks where, I could barely raise myself out of my bed. I pushed myself, because I don’t give in easy. I love walking, exploring as I walk. That even got put on the back burner, for a while. Walking where I live is heaven, the air is so pure and people chat with you even if you are walking on your own. I was so happy when my legs started to carry me on a journey when I started walking again. It has been a journey to today.

I bought myself a new car, during 2016, my dream car a car I never thought I would ever own. I was so happy to give Tibby my dog rides in it; she was able to enjoy it for a little while. I was so nervous buying it, but Wow, it has taken me on a journey in the first few months I have had it. Unfortunately Tibby passed away just before Christmas.

One of the biggest shocks to my nervous system last year was coming off long term pain medication. Something I never wish to go through again, pain medication also ruined my teeth. No body I know looked down on me for the condition of my teeth; they knew what I had been going through. I was ashamed as I always had looked after my teeth.

During the time leading up to Christmas, I started feeling empty. I felt my heart hardening, it was Christmas. Christmas is always a hard time for a great deal of people around the world. Today when you try and feel like Christmas, something happens to change the joy of Christmas into sadness. It does me but somehow you get through. I think back to when I was growing up, Christmas in South Australia started happening when the lights turned on by the River Torrens. Then everyone started getting excited; today it seems as though people expect Christmas when Easter is over.

New Year comes and goes, and here we again venture through another year. We all wonder where it is going to lead us. For me the start has been rough, but I will get through with God walking beside me. In a few short weeks there has been a great deal happening for one person. Blowing my whole world out of proportion, suddenly my peace I created was disrupted. Building a pergola, that was a pure joy, but suddenly I was not coping. I felt as though I hit a brick wall and I knew that was not good. My PTSD had returned, doing too much and dealing with some difficult people in my personal life had forced me to hit that wall. Somebody recently affected me and sent my body into shock.  A big cruncher for me which will send my PTSD into action is loud noises, I have to escape or it will send me into a corner. I recently had to see the Boss of the complex where I live to explain a few personal details of my life to him; he did not know the reasons behind my move to this valley. He was shocked when I told him. Yesterday as I finished up with my pergola and the privacy surround was completed. I started thinking more about God even though, I pray and praise God for my life each day. I feel blessed, that I lead the life I do, I might live on my own, but I am not on my own, God is with me. I have good people surrounding me. Plus a good support group of people, something I have never know before in my life.

There has been a purpose for the return of my PTSD, I realise now; God was showing me, I need a little more strength to carry on in my life. Yesterday when I was with some friends doing a bible study, I felt down, I felt as though what am I doing. I battled through. I was having trouble getting my head around the study, sometimes my mind just felt blank. Yet when I came home, I paced the floor gathering my thoughts. Then around 3pm, something clicked inside me and the past couple of weeks were over. God is giving me strength. A strength I have never know before.

Suddenly finding a voice and standing up for myself it has been a show of strength. I also have to learn how to control it in a polite way. Being obnoxious is not me, or even rude. I had enough of people being like that in the early stages of my life, all I desire is peace and a head that is not full of fog from people getting in my head.

Now I do feel renewed in the mind and soul.

I have a few posts to put up, it is where my head has been shaking myself out of depression. PTSD. It is where I truly don’t wish to go anymore but it is going to happen again sometime, but I hope not as painful as this time.

(c)bjsscribbles