Another time another place

 

A Long Time ago
I wondered,
Where was I going
I sat all alone
Life went by
Faster than time
I knew not when
I was a dreamer
All I had was my dreams
Achieving life was all I had

Life was a disguise
I can see the mask of many
I see my eyes a long time ago
I should have realised

Never changing ever aging
Life dragged from day to day
Some many days and night
Oh! how I wished
I had found myself
Before on the theft of time

Doors that opened
Seeing people, seeing things
People received me
People were good to me
Oh! how the were good to me
Helping me along the way

I woke from this dream
Knowing that I should have
Realised a long time ago
Where I was

Another time, another place
I don’t care what people say
No I realise there was no other way for me

No more living from day to day
A long time ago
I should have realised
There was no other way

Now in another time, Another place

(c)bjsscribblestree

Trying to understand my life choices

Please forgive me for rambling, I am trying to get my head around the new me after a long time not knowing me at all.

There are some choices I have had to make in my life that I am not proud of, there are choices and different choices all have helped me along the way to learn and grow.

Great mistakes evolve when fear holds you tight. What was happening in my life gripped me with fear and anxiety. Over time decisions were made for me,  I did a lot of things in my life out of fear. I started to realise the choices I made in my life, and the need to make  changes in my life

My reactions came out of fear, to I look at my life and realise, doubt, self-doubt, worry, stress are all reactions that cause health problems. Today there are many health problems caused out of a life-time of stress.

When stress, anxiety takes hold of your body, everything engulfs you like a war going on in your mind. I wondered now what life would have been like without stress or worry, choices I made in life would’ve come out of love instead of worrying if those footsteps were your children or someone you feared.

Life has changed for me, I still struggle, when old patterns of life appear from out of no-where, my heart skips a beat and I am lost. I’ve panicked, I am the first to admit it, my PTSD has triggered. The centre of peace I created has been lost every time, I get angry with myself. That is the most annoying part, I don’t want to get angry anymore. I just desire to come back to the new me that I am getting used to and make my own decisions.

Today my heart is open more, I’ll always learn there is something else I can do; I can mend whatever is broken. There is no shortage of tough moments in life.  I am continually challenged facing tough moments set before me. Life is a journey we face so many ups and downs, I am discovering a deeper sense of myself. Along the road of my journey, that has been hard and revealing in many ways. Discovering you is an experience. That is one thing I have trouble getting my head around. Sometimes I see the old ways creeping in, I have to remind myself and give myself time.

I’ve been healing all these months, I remind myself, I am alive and not living in darkness, fear. Those years of fear are now gone. I’ve been doing the work, which I needed to do. I’ve created a healthy life now. I used to jump at any sudden noise, cry at the drop of a hat, wonder who was walking up behind me. Images of a life of fear are now gone. We all have a right to make the choice to walk away from fear, violence, and live in peace.

I am very aware of my life and choices I have made to rebuild, I tried to have the perfect life a hundred years ago, as I describe my life now. I would punish myself severely trying to be perfect. I thought it was meant to be. That idea has now going out the window. I know now I will make mistakes.  I understand and know there will be times when I don’t handle situations and struggle to make the right choices. I am not going to ruin myself anymore by becoming someone else other than who I am. The judge inside me is very hard on me,

.

Planting the seeds of life now is very precious to me; life is not about perfection, or putting on the perfect mask of life. Oh! How that shone before, the mask of a perfect marriage, There were so many deep hidden secrets. I have a deeper understanding of myself now. Over this year I have let go of so many things, I had to, to live.

The past, tries to creep into the future, many times, now I keep walking creating a space between me and the past. I don’t need to turn around anymore and see the past. I have looked back, I’ll be honest sometimes in the real early days it would have been easier to go back than to face the future. I’ve made bad decisions, when I have been in a confused state of mind. Sometimes I thought the future was a mirage, it would never happen, now I have arrived in the future and making a life.

I tortured myself for so many years, but those days are now gone, I am living in the here and now, making the very best of my life. I’m not perfect, I will make mistakes, maybe I will hurt people, but I’m not hurting myself anymore. I will do everything possible to do everything right, because I care about my choices today and always..

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Deep inside our minds

Lately I have been doing some deeper work with my psychologist opening deep secrets that I carried with me right through my life. Finally dealing with life, I am moving on further. Each line I have written has meaning for me. Dealing with the past with imagery is a powerful tool.
—————————————————————–
Where is meaning in this world
I have struggled to find meaning
We all know this world, yet we struggle
Today we try, but yet we wonder

I wonder where it is all going to end
Where should we all go?
There is so much hidden
Questions unanswered
Will we ever find the answers
The answers hidden, among the maze of the world
Deep inside our minds
Hidden deep in our inner soul

Life that is hidden, life we try to hide
Life does find you,
And it all releases
All the secrets of life hidden beneath the shield
The secrets of life can ruin the life you have made
Free up your life and release the secrets, dark secrets
The memories will fade, hidden in our lives
So many stories untold, of things we didn’t want told
The world came to a close for me, I told someone
Finally closure, my feelings are known
The struggle will soon be over
I am finally home

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

My silent garden

Suddenly the world was silent
Yet there is no silence in the earth
Earth silent with just the sounds of God’s creatures
I ventured into my silent garden
With only the music of God’s creatures
Music to my heart for company
A pilgrimage into a world
A world where no words are uttered
Silence where only words can mature within me
I hear only creatures of God’s world
Yet I see nothing

I find myself drowned in silence
A world where soon there was life about me
And with little but no care
A gentle butterfly lands on a flower petal, before me
Life was pulsating as though I was not there
Sounds of nature
Echo
Bringing depths of joy

Turn the volume down
Listen to the world of silence

From within God’s garden of delight

(c0bjsscribblesducks2

As the time had fully come

As the time had fully come
God sent his Son

Our hearts become alive,
Our eyes awake to the Glory of God
I praise you God, for everything,
You have done an allowed me to see and hear
We wait for the time of Your Revelation
We feel your power, your ultimate will for us

Hear our prayers in these days
Your kingdom is before our eyes
As other creatures, feel your presence
Your word, Your help, has shown me the light
Jesus’s Light, before the dawn of day
For all all the world

Praise and honor for all you do
May I continue to see, it all
Before my eyes in living
Full of Joy and Blessings
We wait for you, in joy and love
Longing for your glory…In Jesus name Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

The full wonder of God

Walking through life
We experience constant change
Figures, sometimes pass
Through life, in time we sense
Passing on its effect
Far beyond what is usual, in magnitude or degree
Memory sometimes lapse

The things of life, called experience
We call the wonders of nature
Created by God
Natures growth of all
Tho memory of all sometimes lapses
Far beyond what is usual, in magnitude or degree
We experience constant change, thro’ God
As man experiences life
We pass on life experiences
Thro’ the effect of life
We experience constant change
Memory sometimes lapses
In time we sense
Natures picture
As all things pass that we have known
Thro’ life experience
In time we experience
The full wonder of God
(c)bjsscribbles

1 Kings 3:12
behold, I have done according to your words. Behold, I have given you a wise and discerning heart, so that there has been no one like you before you, nor shall one like you arise after you.

1 Kings 4:30
Solomon’s wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the sons of the east and all the wisdom of Egypt.

1 Kings 10:23
So King Solomon became greater than all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 2:9
Then I became great and increased more than all who preceded me in Jerusalem. My wisdom also stood by me.

Free in spirit

Life with purpose
What is it we?
Are trying to find?
Each and everyone of us?
We question every movement
The desire to pave the way

Those with the need
A need to impress
Desires with egos’
There are reason
For those with needs
For the benefit of others
Something needs to be done
Daily matter of life
That needs to be addressed

Life caught up in the
Pace of a millennium
Sometimes life is a
Whirlwind, fast forward
All the time
Good times, bad times
Why does life need to be complicated?

Why are we here on earth?
I’ve often wondered
All that I achieve
Maybe it will make the path of life
Easier for someone else
And fitting for someone else
To follow me

I am here and now
It is good for me
My simple way of life
For each year of my life
Simple, yet life’s truth is simple
At times, I know, we struggle
When we are at one with life
Our mind and body are free
Free in spirit, at one with God

(c)bjsscribbles