Where do I begin

I’ve search my screen for answers, now the decision, is where do I begin writing my story?
I’ve come to the position where my is closing one door an another is opening, so many things happened in my life. There is a huge gap in my life now as I wonder where I’m going to finish. I try looking around a corner for answers. I cannot let go of my old life altogether as there is two grown up daughters. I know the past is my life that was, but my new life is now created, I can involve my daughters. There will still be hurt, my healing will enable me to deal with the hurt. As time goes on the consequences will become clearer.
There are thoughts of challenges ahead, how do you let go of something that helped you survive? I am now the person I am today because of the life I led. I was able to get through the worst times of my life, because of the person I was. I had strength, even though I was wearing out. I felt there was someone looking out for me but did not know whom till now.
Writing this is going to be a challenge, I’ve struggled to get where I am. There is a desire for the healing of my mind body and spirit. The old story of my life rises from time to time manipulating my request to close the book on my old life over and over. Countless times my past rises and sabotages the path I have been following.
There is an outstretched hand reaching out to me, guiding me toward the light, footsteps invisible to the naked eye. Pulling me through the forest of life, I just have to never let go now, never turning back
I have started this process many times, never being able to complete the process. It has taken time, after all it was a lifetime I left behind. Maybe it is a lesson I have to learn, faith truth, trust, strength, courage. I struggled, a great deal over the past handful of years, it’s still all new. As a young person I lost my faith in God, but I have found my faith in God. When I was going through the thick of my healing, I felt so lost in all forms of life. I could not barely put two words together without stammering.
All of this time has led me up to this point. The next chapter, of my life, starting new pages that need to be written as I move forward. The changes that started a few short years ago, when the attempts at making a new life began. Now the new story begins, I have no idea what is going to happen, I know it’s beginning with an adventure and love of life. When I come home after January I wont stop writing or talking.
I know now, I just have to let go, the lessons of life will continue to flow. By letting go I can become more.
As I now close the old book of my life, It pushed me to live as I do now. It helped me become more than I could have ever thought I could be. I see all the moments that I have lived, I feel all the times I have failed and got back up, dusted myself off and started again. I have been resilient, in moving throughout my new life step by step.
I must use what I have learned, my willingness to heal, my faith is now relentless to believe.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.—Philippians4:6-7

January is going to be full, with a trip to the tennis, Australian open championships, for me all my dreams will come true. Turning 65 on centre court. I’ve come from nothing, I’ve grown as a person, full of courage, new found faith, and trust.
The unknowns and challenges leave me feeling anxious. I’ve achieved a great deal over the past few years. A new challenge is facing me as I said going to the Australian Open tennis, flying in a plane. Don’t laugh it is 46 yrs since I was on a plane. Planes now have engines not propellers. Making my way around Melbourne. I’ve been working on a to do list while I am there. I am remembering Paul’s words, “Don’t worry pray”
The word’s of Paul encourage us all. One thing I have come to realise “Life is not without uncertainties” as I read Paul’s words. What I continue to learn is God cares about our lives. All of us face major life transitions, family issues, health scares or most of all financial troubles. God has shown me, I can let go of my fears of the unknown, and stop worrying about what may or may not happen.
As I open the door to my next stage of life, I can rest in God’s promises, that his peace and understanding will guard my life as He does others. Guarding our heart and mind.
It is a blessing not to be anxious about anything, God reminds us we can come to Him about anything and everything. I praise God every morning for what He has done in my life and what He has done in many of my friends lives.
Knowing now God is in my life eases my mind, with prayer, we lift our anxiety
up to God and find comfort and peace in God’s hands. Replacing our anxiety with God’s trust.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

I walked through the door to Freedom an a new life

A friend once asked me If I ever had dreams, this is her dog.

IMG_0095 (2)

Dreaming over the years came from deep within my spirit, the wonders of an untapped world, created from deep within my mind. Wandering a continent as old as the world, pondering adventure, thinking thoughts.

Dreaming my thoughts trapped within my soul, I let them loose on the world. There were cages trapped within my mind filled with stumbling blocks of Barbed wire, curling my mind. Mental blocks were keeping my mind under siege, falling many times constantly tripping caught on Barbed wire. All I needed was a chance to step through the dungeons chained within my mind, a chance to make decisions.

IMG_0051 (2), freedom is something I still have trouble explaining in my dreams. Freedom moved me to Joy, at the same time I didn’t know how to use freedom. In my hands Freedom, seemed so far in the future, longing for freedom. Once I was able to hold onto freedom, finding a way to new worlds with it. Freedom total freedom, cause me to freeze within my heart.

There was help, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. I searched big open spaces, not knowing what I wanted. Thoughts, dreams, confused my mind, I crossed a continent, sat on top of mountains, turned my eyes towards the heavens, praying for guidance. Thoughts of returning to the fold entered my mind, thoughts I thought I left behind. I have tasted freedom now, there is no going back.

I in my heart and soul, keep moving forward. My soul craved freedom for so many years. Each day is a new step for freedom. I’ve tried mind mapping, my dreams, putting them down on paper, seeing where my dreams have taken me. Some dreams I just wasn’t ready for, it was just too early.

There is more to discover, more to learn. I just have to be patient, waiting for my dreams to unfold. I wasn’t ready, prepared for the not knowing, feelings arose from deep within my mental cages, blocking me from moving forward.. I didn’t understand what was going on inside my mind, I slipped back into anxiety, depression, PTSD. Taking the wrong road creates mistakes, I understand now and have taken the right road, turning the corner into complete health.

I was led out of the darkness, saved by a continent, who I was is far different to whom I am today. I arrived at a place of opportunity. Seeds were planted in my life, I understand how important they were now. I started to see them unfold and grow into my future.

My past once haunted me, now I create a life because of my past, serving me more than anything in this world. If we search the images of our mind, see how your garden blooms, growing more and more each day.

Imagine a cloud

Imagine a cloud
I do when I am walking
I wander here and there
Floating high over valley’s and hills
Once I saw a crowd of imaginary people
A field of golden daisy’s, mixed with daffodils
A river flowing gently, a pepper tree waving in the breeze
Daisy’s and daffodils, dancing like children

A river the flows gently, like stars that shine in the night
Capture the images, floating along the river
A never ending river that floats to the sea
I saw at a glance, images of children dancing
Like fields of fairies, daintily dancing
A never ending musical

A Gently flowing river, creates a tune of life
Gentle ripples besides blooms of gold
Joyful to the day, such good company
I floated beside the river, gazing
Such Joy the sight before my eyes

For often when I gaze upon the valley
In a quiet absent mood, thoughts flash before my eyes
Like stars that shine in the night,
Capture the images, I see
A pepper tree waving in the breeze
Daisy’s mixed with daffodils
A river gently flowing to the sea
Such quietness, of thoughts gives me peace
My heart fills with glee
As I ponder life in the valley
Today.

(c)bjsscribbles

Your image waiting for me

A journey through despair
Across valleys
I came through a journey once
My sight more powerful than the darkness
Through the night visions of the past
Fair memories of eyes that once smiled
Perfume lingered, as I came through the valley
,
Through the journey I began to see
Fair and far, images floating looking up
Searching the stars, leading them
Toward the shore, of my lost
The arrow, now lingering, floating
Hope, now lingers in the future
As I journey across the valley

Empty from a journey through the valley
Though a light now shines, like a beam
Lightning flashes across the horizon
Desolate, in despair, loves eyes now searching
Dear God, I have journeyed, but I fell
My soul searching for you God,
Now as I come through the valley
I recognised Your image waiting for me
(c)bjsscribbles

In Jesus name Amen

Today I remind myself, God You have given me life.

I have to at times keep reminding myself how far I have traveled in a few short years. Especially sorting out my life after last year, a few things have gone wrong since I finished with long term pain meds. I have been able to handle the fallout to a degree. The most I have been praying about is my lungs have deteriorated further since I was first diagnosed with COPD in 2013. The results of second hand smoke, most of us that grew up in the 50,60,and 70’s were around smoke for a good many years. I never smoked, I would’ve been in deep trouble if I did, especially from my parents. When you live with someone who did this is the outcome. I am not angry about it, I have to keep moving and praying about it and staying in God’s word or Satan gets a foot hold. Being a new Christian you have to be careful. Depression and Anxiety is not in my vocabulary anymore.

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Sometimes I have trouble believing
Believing I am sitting here in peace
I smile, look out the window
Thinking of words to write
As the sun beams through my window
God you have given me, life

The sun shines in the hill’s of Adelaide
Dew sits on the grass, crackling under foot
But right now I am home, where I want to be
In the hills of Adelaide, loved and at peace
I have never felt so much peace in my life
Praise God, God you have been Good to me

God showed me, there is a place where you can grow
In the Hills of Adelaide, where life is alive
In the praise of God, I planted the seed of God
For everything I have, and I see is God’s creation
God you have given me, life

The road’s been long and winding, rocky to at times
I was lost when I first came here, I searched the darkness
Leaning on my Faith, searching for the light
Satan has tried to pull me away, my Faith in God has grown
Stronger each day, God, You gave me a reason to live

God placed me in this valley, a valley where paradise lives
Where my dreams and body and soul have come alive
In the praise of God, planted the seed of God
For everything I have, and I see is God’s creation
God you have given me, life now You are in my heart

Today I remind myself, God You have given me life.
In Jesus name Amen

John 14:26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things, and will remind you of all that I said to you.

Acts 2:29 “As to the patriarch David, I need hardly remind you, brethren, that he died and was buried, and that we still have his tomb among us.

John 12:25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone …
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their
life in this world will keep it for eternal life. …

Time can be our friend

Time can be our friend
Now and then
Time moves along
When I am strong
Second by second
A power that is contagious

Beaming through the clouds
A carnival of clouds, flickering
With delight, shimmering
Across clear ocean of delights

Cry’s of children playing
Seagull’s crying for feed
A breeze floats by
Gently moving clouds

Splashes of seagull’s
Break through the clouds
Luminous lights flicker
Across clear ocean delights

Luminous lights
Flicker our dreams
Winding our way home
Through time, now and then

Time can be our friend
Now and then
Time moves along
When I am strong
Second by second
A power that is contagious
Miracle of time

(c)bjsscribbles

Perfect bliss

A creek runs through my yard all but a trickle
Between two gardens, Shade upon the water
Willow trees create images of magic
A place to dream, between two worlds
On endless nights, under the stars

Summer days paddle my toes
Crystal clear water, fresh from the spring
Footsteps gently creating ripples, child like dreams
Creating music to my ears, joyful bliss
Sweet nothings, thoughts for only me
Peaceful bliss erupts

Out of the hollow of water, I alternate treading water
Footsteps disappear, as if moving clear through a mirror
Washing away the afternoon, between two gardens
Shade upon the water, a pleasure seekers garden
A mystical wonder, surrounding me a garden so full of life

The music of the garden, joyful bliss
My secret garden, between two
Perfect bliss, creating words and songs of joy
My garden, between two carries sound into the sunset

At the eleventh hour, just one desirable wish
Will take me back willingly to a private place
This place where you fill jugs of water so fresh
A secret garden of mine, trees creating images
Seep exists peacefully, by the crystal clear water
.
A secret garden hidden between two gardens
Sadness though is but a wall placed between two gardens.

The desire to dream

The desire to dream
Set the fire within
Fight for your dreams
Dreams set a fire within me
Day and night
I given my time
My peace, my sleep
Life may seem useless
Or worthless without your dreams
Time and energy has gone into my dreams
I learn from my dreams, I am simply going for it
If it happens it will happen
With all of my faith, hope, energy, confidence
Determination, of body and brain
Nothing will keep me away from my desire
To dream the impossible dream
With God at the hem we can do anything
My faith in my dreams, my walk with God
Helps me create
A life of peace happiness, and dreams

(c)bjsscribbles

Looking and longing

Looking and longing
There is an unmarked door
What waits behind the door?
Spring? Wishes and dreams?
Beyond a door
What way will we travel through the door

Looking and longing
Wishes and dreams
Travel beyond a door
The beam of a traveling light
To a world sealed beyond

Another world may not be there
Looking and longing
You may not find what you are looking for
I listen close to the sound
A traveling light in a world sealed
Beyond a mysterious door

A traveling light
Returns a sound
So gentle whistling through
A crack in the door
That seemed to beckon
Me through

A mysterious world
A golden sound
So gentle
Where does the story lead
Looking and Longing
Some have solaced and longed
To belong, eventually succeed

(c)bjsscribbles

Today I can say to myself

Today I can say to myself
“Look for things I can not see”
My dreams are vivid and colourful
There is life yet to happen
Be confident, believe in yourself
I perceive in my spirits
My spirits have great power
Today I can say to myself
” I have courage”
Sit down and listen, but not to things that are not
“I have a mind”
For life is priceless
“I have courage”
God listens and waits
On the hill when others wont
Today I can say to myself
“My life moves on”
An instance, single occasion for some event
On thefts of time, there is time
Others move on in a hurry, I know this as I tried
I know this as, I know to be at peace
There is no need to hurry
Peace is waiting for you

The house on the Hill awaits you
Today I can say to myself
“I have dreams and hopes”
Accept your dreams
Believe
I perceive faith will win

I believe the house on the hill awaits
We have courage, we can climb the hill
Faith will win, God listens and waits
Amen

(c)bjsscribbles