Where do I begin

I’ve search my screen for answers, now the decision, is where do I begin writing my story?
I’ve come to the position where my is closing one door an another is opening, so many things happened in my life. There is a huge gap in my life now as I wonder where I’m going to finish. I try looking around a corner for answers. I cannot let go of my old life altogether as there is two grown up daughters. I know the past is my life that was, but my new life is now created, I can involve my daughters. There will still be hurt, my healing will enable me to deal with the hurt. As time goes on the consequences will become clearer.
There are thoughts of challenges ahead, how do you let go of something that helped you survive? I am now the person I am today because of the life I led. I was able to get through the worst times of my life, because of the person I was. I had strength, even though I was wearing out. I felt there was someone looking out for me but did not know whom till now.
Writing this is going to be a challenge, I’ve struggled to get where I am. There is a desire for the healing of my mind body and spirit. The old story of my life rises from time to time manipulating my request to close the book on my old life over and over. Countless times my past rises and sabotages the path I have been following.
There is an outstretched hand reaching out to me, guiding me toward the light, footsteps invisible to the naked eye. Pulling me through the forest of life, I just have to never let go now, never turning back
I have started this process many times, never being able to complete the process. It has taken time, after all it was a lifetime I left behind. Maybe it is a lesson I have to learn, faith truth, trust, strength, courage. I struggled, a great deal over the past handful of years, it’s still all new. As a young person I lost my faith in God, but I have found my faith in God. When I was going through the thick of my healing, I felt so lost in all forms of life. I could not barely put two words together without stammering.
All of this time has led me up to this point. The next chapter, of my life, starting new pages that need to be written as I move forward. The changes that started a few short years ago, when the attempts at making a new life began. Now the new story begins, I have no idea what is going to happen, I know it’s beginning with an adventure and love of life. When I come home after January I wont stop writing or talking.
I know now, I just have to let go, the lessons of life will continue to flow. By letting go I can become more.
As I now close the old book of my life, It pushed me to live as I do now. It helped me become more than I could have ever thought I could be. I see all the moments that I have lived, I feel all the times I have failed and got back up, dusted myself off and started again. I have been resilient, in moving throughout my new life step by step.
I must use what I have learned, my willingness to heal, my faith is now relentless to believe.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.—Philippians4:6-7

January is going to be full, with a trip to the tennis, Australian open championships, for me all my dreams will come true. Turning 65 on centre court. I’ve come from nothing, I’ve grown as a person, full of courage, new found faith, and trust.
The unknowns and challenges leave me feeling anxious. I’ve achieved a great deal over the past few years. A new challenge is facing me as I said going to the Australian Open tennis, flying in a plane. Don’t laugh it is 46 yrs since I was on a plane. Planes now have engines not propellers. Making my way around Melbourne. I’ve been working on a to do list while I am there. I am remembering Paul’s words, “Don’t worry pray”
The word’s of Paul encourage us all. One thing I have come to realise “Life is not without uncertainties” as I read Paul’s words. What I continue to learn is God cares about our lives. All of us face major life transitions, family issues, health scares or most of all financial troubles. God has shown me, I can let go of my fears of the unknown, and stop worrying about what may or may not happen.
As I open the door to my next stage of life, I can rest in God’s promises, that his peace and understanding will guard my life as He does others. Guarding our heart and mind.
It is a blessing not to be anxious about anything, God reminds us we can come to Him about anything and everything. I praise God every morning for what He has done in my life and what He has done in many of my friends lives.
Knowing now God is in my life eases my mind, with prayer, we lift our anxiety
up to God and find comfort and peace in God’s hands. Replacing our anxiety with God’s trust.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

Our Inner thoughts

When we are dealing with thought, thoughts create problems, and a thought can be changed.

Our inner thoughts, our experiences, life experiences, are a product of our problems. My life changing experiences have taken me on a road of self-discovery, learning not to hate myself, thinking I was a bad person for staying so long in a relationship that was so toxic. My thoughts produced a feeling of anxiety for so many years, leading to PTSD.

It takes an experience of witnessing an assault last week for me to realise, I did not buy into the argument and was able to walk away. My anxiety did rise a little for a couple of days, but I recovered quickly. I drove the thoughts out of my mind changing the feelings of terror, fear. I did report the incident to the police and council. The feeling did leave me quickly.

I am working on controlling my anxiety and PTSD, not using it as an excuse to stay hovelled up in my apartment/unit.  Realising the past has no power, I can control the negativity, feeling free in the moment is so important to me now. My thoughts ruled me for so long, it is true, and the list of fears would be so long, fearful thoughts that ruled me for a life time.

It was a habit with me, thinking the same thought over and over, in the end the choice was mine to make. Today I try desperately not to go down the road of negative thoughts; I set it in my mind not to. For so many years I had no way of experiencing positive thoughts.

There are so many people with life experience that live long suffering life, self-hatred, guilt; I admit I am one of them. Today I work on changing my life on all levels and keeping my self-respect I won back. I always felt I am not good enough, the thoughts were pushed down my throat for so many years, I did not know how to get out. The other thought I used so often, “I don’t deserve this”. Turning life experience around

It’s taken me a long time to get life altogether, it’s still a work in progress. Something would always go wrong, when I thought everything was going to run perfectly for a while. Sometimes resentment creeps in along with guilt, fear still causing problems for me. It’s problems I created by taking on board problems. This has caused problem for my health and in my life. I can take responsibility for taking on board the life stress. We are all responsible for everything in our life. Taking responsibility for what I take on board in my thoughts has sent people elsewhere. Claiming my life, my thoughts, I am no longer a door mat, for abuse. (c)bjsscribbles

 

In pursuit of life

When nothing goes to plan along the pathway to peace
When we think of the pathway to success
life  never comes in a straight path
It arrives, but it’s all over the place
Advance and retreat, Advance and retreat
So many times
That’s how it is for everyone
Two steps forward, two steps backward
I’ve talked about mistakes
Learning from mistakes
When life goes array
Time and time again
Trying, keep moving forward
In pursuit of goals

There was a time
When I sat still
Huddled in a corner
I thought about success
Going about life, in a blurr

Now pursuing life
Your part of life
I feel life each day

When we know where we are going
We will get there, I know I will
I know I’ve paid a price
Nothing has come easy
And it still doesn’t

Pursuing life
Paying the price
Rewards are coming my way
Dreams are being fulfilled
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

I’m taking a break

I’m taking a break, it’s been a long haul for the last few years. What I’ve done in my life, changing my life. I am taking a few weeks, having a holiday, where I don’t have to thnk for a while.

Thank you everyone that has helped me get where I am in my life.

(c)bjsscribbles

Together as one

 

Join together, reach out
Hands across the sea
Joining you and me

Together as one

Build a new horizon together
Joining you and me, across the sea
Changes made slowly, when nations hear
To live in a world together in peace
Not to be afraid

Together as one

Love and sympathy, join together
Like hands across the oceans
Join together, your hands link
Like a chain across the seas

I can share my new tomorrow
Can you share a new tomorrow with me?
Share our troubles together, you and me
Facing the world as one, with our eyes toward the heavens
Open our heart to God and ease our minds

Join together, reach out
Hands across the sea
Joining you and me

Together as one

(c)bjsccribbles

Find a sleepy hollow

Find a sleepy hollow
In among the hills
Where the wild flowers roam
I roamed the hills where I was as free
As the wild flowers that grow,
And wither in the sun

I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
Where wild flower roam, needing the freedom
Tenderly I now roam, just as the wild flowers
Roam over the mountains and valleys and survive
I found, I am like a wild flower, grown in the valleys, mountains
I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
I did not grow up in these hills and valleys
They found me, now I can find the wild flowers
Becoming lost in a valley of flowers
They grew free as I wanted to be free

I left the home land I knew, and roamed
My dreams of life flowed with me
When I left the home land I knew, and roamed
My dreams of life flowed with me
Flowers that grow wild, survive in conditions
Humans can never survive,

In a garden of life. I floated for so many years
I never belonged, one day the garden of flowers set me free

Tracks I left in the land, footsteps, tyre tracks
Breathing the wind, the winds of freedom
As a flower of this land survives in the wild
Not knowing where it lands, I did not know

Life in the wild, is a mystery, yet to be told
I don’t regret the journey, in the wild
I survived
I found a sleepy hollow, In among the hills
I did not grow up in these hills and valleys
They found me, now I can find the wild flowers
Becoming lost in a valley of flowers
They grew free as I wanted to be free

(c)bjsscribbles

Finding the light

Times of our lives
Take us on a journey
We let the flowers make a journey
We feel like, struggling flowers
Struggling to bloom, we are in a dark place
Those times, where growth
Is like an intricate web of change
Could we ever define the change?

I live in wonder
I feel the change
Yet nobody can see the change
God’s work in your life
I broke through the barrier
The day when I could see
That intricate web of change
When you start to spread your arms

Finding the light

With God in our life
There is a much higher
Feeling in life for us
I know I can make a difference
We all can make a difference
There is a life within God’s world

The day we allow God in our life
Life can change
To know what it means
To be free of worry
To be free of sadness
God can help You live again
Help You feel again
Freedom in God’s world is real

In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjscribbles

40MATTHEW

40-4:16     The people which sat in darkness saw great light; and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death light is sprung up.

612 PETER

61-1:19     We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts:

You led me home

Oh! Dear Lord,
You led me to home
A home of peace
I have found

 

The toils of my life,
Have ended, my life has changed
I’m free now, to roam
As I please
You led me home, Dear Lord

 

No more temptation
No more sin
Yet we are sinners
If I fall, Lord, I come to You
You will Lead me
To my place of peace

 

In my darkest hours
Lord, I came to You
With my prayers
My troubles were dark
I saw no light
Yet Lord, You kept me
From falling away
Now I am free to roam
And You will lead me home

 

If I fall, Lord, I will come to You
You will Lead me
To my place of peace

(c)bjsscribbles

1 John 2:1
My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate before the Father–Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

All things come to pass, I wondered how?

 

All things come to pass, I wondered how?
At first it was turmoil, the turmoil slowly passed
Heartaches we have all known, today look back at the heartache
I see now I can smile, there are shadows that linger in the dark
I know now our Lord God, is there guiding me

Search out a rose that sleeps, a bloom that is lost
And a tree that is loosing it’s battle in drought ridden country
All thing in life can grow from the ruins
Let your love grow, develop faith, trust,
The stronger you get, you will endure
All things come to pass, I wondered how?
Don’t worry, talk to God, He will help
In the darkest time, we find a light
The light of a new day
We face our troubles, walking tall
We don’t face them alone
God will wipe your worries away
Don’t worry

Search out a rose that sleeps, a bloom that is lost
And a tree that is loosing it’s battle in drought ridden country
All thing in life can grow from the ruins
Let your love grow, develop faith, trust,
The stronger you get, you will endure

(c)bjsscribbles
Matthew 6:25
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

Matthew 6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?

Matthew 6:28
And why do you worry about clothes? Consider how the lilies of the field grow: They do not labor or spin.

Matthew 6:31
Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.

But I am the breeze that flows

God carries our thoughts sometimes when I am walking I talk with God. There is a slight breeze in the air when I am talking with God. I capture the breeze and feel God there walking beside me.

———————–

 

I am the breeze that flows
I journey down the road
The morning’s amber glows
Along the road

I carry the load of your thoughts
Life never changes for me
I am the breeze, I never change
With no change in the weather
You cannot hide from me
I am the breeze
That is my way
Along the road

The morning amber glow
The wind will cease to blow

I keep moving on
I don’t know where
Inhale the breeze, but don’t despair

Life never changes for me
I am the breeze, I never change
I may follow you, wherever you go
I am right at home, with you
As you sit beside the road,
Watching the morning amber glow,
Exhilaration is the breeze