I walked through the door to Freedom an a new life

A friend once asked me If I ever had dreams, this is her dog.

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Dreaming over the years came from deep within my spirit, the wonders of an untapped world, created from deep within my mind. Wandering a continent as old as the world, pondering adventure, thinking thoughts.

Dreaming my thoughts trapped within my soul, I let them loose on the world. There were cages trapped within my mind filled with stumbling blocks of Barbed wire, curling my mind. Mental blocks were keeping my mind under siege, falling many times constantly tripping caught on Barbed wire. All I needed was a chance to step through the dungeons chained within my mind, a chance to make decisions.

IMG_0051 (2), freedom is something I still have trouble explaining in my dreams. Freedom moved me to Joy, at the same time I didn’t know how to use freedom. In my hands Freedom, seemed so far in the future, longing for freedom. Once I was able to hold onto freedom, finding a way to new worlds with it. Freedom total freedom, cause me to freeze within my heart.

There was help, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. I searched big open spaces, not knowing what I wanted. Thoughts, dreams, confused my mind, I crossed a continent, sat on top of mountains, turned my eyes towards the heavens, praying for guidance. Thoughts of returning to the fold entered my mind, thoughts I thought I left behind. I have tasted freedom now, there is no going back.

I in my heart and soul, keep moving forward. My soul craved freedom for so many years. Each day is a new step for freedom. I’ve tried mind mapping, my dreams, putting them down on paper, seeing where my dreams have taken me. Some dreams I just wasn’t ready for, it was just too early.

There is more to discover, more to learn. I just have to be patient, waiting for my dreams to unfold. I wasn’t ready, prepared for the not knowing, feelings arose from deep within my mental cages, blocking me from moving forward.. I didn’t understand what was going on inside my mind, I slipped back into anxiety, depression, PTSD. Taking the wrong road creates mistakes, I understand now and have taken the right road, turning the corner into complete health.

I was led out of the darkness, saved by a continent, who I was is far different to whom I am today. I arrived at a place of opportunity. Seeds were planted in my life, I understand how important they were now. I started to see them unfold and grow into my future.

My past once haunted me, now I create a life because of my past, serving me more than anything in this world. If we search the images of our mind, see how your garden blooms, growing more and more each day.

To feel life as I do now

A beautiful time of day
Dusk, on a summer’s eve
Under the Australian sun
I never want to die
I want to live forever

To feel life as I do now

Will it be ever possible,
The trees, with branches covered in leaves
Covered in blossom, picked by faith
OH! they barely feel us walking beneath
The corners, the footpaths, we turn and walk
Maybe the life journey we take
Continue to hold us all on earth
There are days I walked through life
As though I was in limbo
Forgetting to look around.
Without turning my head
A beautiful time of day, Dusk
On a summers eve, I want to live forever
Where the vine grows over the fence
Dangling the fruit of God
The joys of a childhood once remembered here
Imagining our deep root on earth
(c)bjsscribbles

Ride on the breath Of the Holy Spirit

Ride on the breath
Of the Holy Spirit
Quietly, focus

.From the pockets of
Of your depths
Connect, understand
Outside of you there is nothing
It is deep within you
Outside of you there is nothing to seek
You are already for the Holy Spirit
Your path with the Holy Spirit was there from the moment you were concieved
Begin to understand
It’s here, it always been there waiting
Discovereing you were always plugged into the Holy Spirit

You thought you were on your own for such a long time
Running in circles, you could never find answers
No more circles, just the Holy Spirit
You are everything, the Holy Spirit is in you
New life is breathing inside me
I sit now under the stars
Believing
Talking with God
Proclaiming to myself there is life
I conducted a battle within myself for so many years

Part of me did not want to let go
The deeper side knew, I had to let go
Finding the Holy Spirit in life gave me life
Turning myself into something more
To get down on my knees and give my life to God
To let go of fear
And settle
Oh! what a transitions, and many of them
No more standing on the edge of life
The fringes only bring heartache
There was only marching through and seeking the Holy Spirit
It’s always been there for us all
I lay in silence
I get up now each day walking out of the old ways
I walk ahead
There is a story to my life
One that served me
Now I am growing finding me

It is a grand feeling

(c)bjsscribbles

The layers of life

As I pull back the layer of my life, it’s like peeling an onion, sometimes there is a few tears, sometimes buckets. Then you begin to see things in a new light. Shaking the very foundation of your life, I’ve had to face the reality of life and my actions, trusting yourself is so important.
Recently I have been meandering around looking at pictures of myself since I started this journey, searching different layers of my healing. The innermost mask I wore for so many years was staring at me, waiting for me to peel back the layer that haunted me for so many years. I’ve looked at that picture and searched the realities of that life, a hundred years ago now. It seems like forever. I understood what had existed then and it now scares me to think of that life and how it was back then.
I’ve put that journey behind me now, those areas of my life are too hot to handle, I’ve dealt with everything, sometimes they hurt, but I am able to deal with them now, working through the pain has allowed me to heal. I’ve healed in so many ways. The landscaping around the tree of life, has started to look complete, as I approach the next step of my life. I never thought I could even think I would be living the way I am. It’s time for living.
The next chapter or box in my life is slowly opening, there are unhandled situations. I’ve chosen a different walk in life now and that has paved the way for the person I am now. I can see now who I am and I am enjoying being me.
My world has shifted, unfolding on deeper levels of healing, no matter what has happened in the past. Life is not finished it’s just unfolding differently now. I know I’ve only scratched the surface. Of my new life.

Many years ago I thought I was over growing pains but they are with me now, I’ve been scared about committing to anything. But the other part of me pushed myself into committing to a few things, digging deep into energy that was left, taking steps to grow into the next step of healing.

People have been talking to me lately about writing my testimony, it means going back over my story. Refining life. I have written a great deal, one heck of a lot, there is still much I need to explore, I have to find the energy to dive into it all. The path has to begin soon, wandering back through all the dark caverns of ones life, illuminating everything good or bad. How much baggage I’ve held onto.
With a road map in hand and a compass, I will take that journey.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Strength and determination

Strength and determination
As uncertain as destiny
Gathers in our mind
Lightening moments, bolt, shock, stimulate
Frivolous in flight, strength and determination
With my head held hight
Determination gives strength
From soul to soul, across my world
As a birds wings flutter
And the thoughts we utter
As forests touch the wind
Wings flutter, across my world

Dreams galore gather
Clouding my vision
At times bitter thoughts have power
To hide gnawing, corroding, my mind
Destroying the brightest light
Think love in determination
There’s hope in strength anew
Dreaded thoughts, give determination
The right to succeed
Renovating a blessed life
With the sword of faith held high

(C)bjsscribbles

Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

There have been a few challenging, situations in my life lately. I’ve been working through them with help. There are times when I cannot believe how far I have traveled, how writing helps you see the many challenges of life.

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The time in our life
All the things I’ve done, and how it’s been
I think about living, my mind, believing in my life
I know now, God was waiting for me
The sun shines each day,
I’ve been lucky, God has given me the gift of life
A second chance in life
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow

So many days pass now, Oh! how quickly they pass
Time whispers around me, in the depth of winter

Moving quickly through Spring and Summer
The timely changes of life frighten me, but I still smile
Each day I grow a little older, maybe wiser, I hope
My life has been good to me, I feel there is more yet for me to do
With God at my side, so many things my mind has never known
Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

Finding life where I have, it’s been a good life here
God gave me a second chance at life, to hang around a little longer
Sit among the stars, watching a falling star
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow is but an adventure
(c)bjsscribbles

 

A journey with God

When God came into my life
I knew there was a higher power
I did not know what I would feel
The feeling that has risen from dust
God knew, I was searching
He knew what he would see when he found me

God created us, he put us here on earth
To lead this life, I begun anew
Learning as I go
Sharing, giving what I can

God knew I would stumble
Oh! how I have fallen at times
He knew I would suffer
He knew I would call out
Sometimes crying out to Jesus

In desperation

So many mistakes, so many difficult choices
He knew that I would falter
Lessons I needed to learn from them
There were times, when it was more that I could take

I cried out

People told me, God had a plan for me
Oh! at times I wish I knew
From the very first day I was born
As you can tell, it’s frustrating at times
But soon I started to see His way

A new journey started

God was teaching me patience
How to grow in patience
If only I knew, slowly
Love, trust, strength, faith and Grace

A new life in God

The love the grew inside me
All the good, that you do
God has be noticing the changes I made
He has seen the work I’ve done

He has carried me
Placed his hands
On my shoulders
Knowing the pain I carried
In my heart, each and every day

Life brought me to my knees
Some gave up on me
God has kept the ones around
That are true

There came a day
When I saw
The hand of God at work
The love He has been sharing
God saved my life
God created my life for me

 

A journey with God
In Jesus name Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

Who I am

I’ve been thinking today
How shattered my heart has been
I close my eyes
Thinking about the words
Words, I have written

Thousands of words have flowed

Building a new heart

I’ve explored so many caverns in my heart
Finding a deeper understanding of my life
Who I am
It’s been far from perfect
Some many years of tears
There is a view from a hill nearby
A cross stands on the hill
As I sit on the rail thinking
I am content now, with God in my life

The demons of life scared me for so many years
Crushed my self-esteem, a lifetime of self-esteem
Flushed, till now, scars are fading fast

So many stories of life, so many memories
Memories of times, now past
Yet I’ve stood up and faced life
My defeats speak to me, from time to time
Scars now fading, forgiving, yet do we forget

Confusion ruled my mind
The darkness of life ruled my life
My mind, ruled my world
There was a time, I was ready to quit
God pulled me back out of the darkness

The love of life now, rules the heart
People picked me up, sharing new memories
The person I am now, these people built me up
I am proud of who I have become
I know I am still on a journey
I am far different now
And that’s a miracle
God showed me there is love
Love has won…In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Stay with me Lord, you are my night and day

Be still, by the river
Sit quietly, knowing the river keeps rolling
Be still, your life keeps flowing
My soul, follows, only you know
I call on my dreams, till tomorrow comes
I know my love has known sorrow
My soul, follows, only you know

We’ll find a way, be still and listen
Stay with me Lord, you are my night and day
As the dawn rises beyond the sky
Be still and listen as the birds fly
My soul, follows, only you know

Knowing the river keeps rolling
Your life keeps flowing
Be still, Sit quietly, listening
Stay with me Lord, you are my night and day
My soul, follows, only you know

(c)bjsscribbles

In pursuit of life

When nothing goes to plan along the pathway to peace
When we think of the pathway to success
life  never comes in a straight path
It arrives, but it’s all over the place
Advance and retreat, Advance and retreat
So many times
That’s how it is for everyone
Two steps forward, two steps backward
I’ve talked about mistakes
Learning from mistakes
When life goes array
Time and time again
Trying, keep moving forward
In pursuit of goals

There was a time
When I sat still
Huddled in a corner
I thought about success
Going about life, in a blurr

Now pursuing life
Your part of life
I feel life each day

When we know where we are going
We will get there, I know I will
I know I’ve paid a price
Nothing has come easy
And it still doesn’t

Pursuing life
Paying the price
Rewards are coming my way
Dreams are being fulfilled
(c)bjsscribbles