Another time another place

 

A Long Time ago
I wondered,
Where was I going
I sat all alone
Life went by
Faster than time
I knew not when
I was a dreamer
All I had was my dreams
Achieving life was all I had

Life was a disguise
I can see the mask of many
I see my eyes a long time ago
I should have realised

Never changing ever aging
Life dragged from day to day
Some many days and night
Oh! how I wished
I had found myself
Before on the theft of time

Doors that opened
Seeing people, seeing things
People received me
People were good to me
Oh! how the were good to me
Helping me along the way

I woke from this dream
Knowing that I should have
Realised a long time ago
Where I was

Another time, another place
I don’t care what people say
No I realise there was no other way for me

No more living from day to day
A long time ago
I should have realised
There was no other way

Now in another time, Another place

(c)bjsscribblestree

Trying to understand my life choices

Please forgive me for rambling, I am trying to get my head around the new me after a long time not knowing me at all.

There are some choices I have had to make in my life that I am not proud of, there are choices and different choices all have helped me along the way to learn and grow.

Great mistakes evolve when fear holds you tight. What was happening in my life gripped me with fear and anxiety. Over time decisions were made for me,  I did a lot of things in my life out of fear. I started to realise the choices I made in my life, and the need to make  changes in my life

My reactions came out of fear, to I look at my life and realise, doubt, self-doubt, worry, stress are all reactions that cause health problems. Today there are many health problems caused out of a life-time of stress.

When stress, anxiety takes hold of your body, everything engulfs you like a war going on in your mind. I wondered now what life would have been like without stress or worry, choices I made in life would’ve come out of love instead of worrying if those footsteps were your children or someone you feared.

Life has changed for me, I still struggle, when old patterns of life appear from out of no-where, my heart skips a beat and I am lost. I’ve panicked, I am the first to admit it, my PTSD has triggered. The centre of peace I created has been lost every time, I get angry with myself. That is the most annoying part, I don’t want to get angry anymore. I just desire to come back to the new me that I am getting used to and make my own decisions.

Today my heart is open more, I’ll always learn there is something else I can do; I can mend whatever is broken. There is no shortage of tough moments in life.  I am continually challenged facing tough moments set before me. Life is a journey we face so many ups and downs, I am discovering a deeper sense of myself. Along the road of my journey, that has been hard and revealing in many ways. Discovering you is an experience. That is one thing I have trouble getting my head around. Sometimes I see the old ways creeping in, I have to remind myself and give myself time.

I’ve been healing all these months, I remind myself, I am alive and not living in darkness, fear. Those years of fear are now gone. I’ve been doing the work, which I needed to do. I’ve created a healthy life now. I used to jump at any sudden noise, cry at the drop of a hat, wonder who was walking up behind me. Images of a life of fear are now gone. We all have a right to make the choice to walk away from fear, violence, and live in peace.

I am very aware of my life and choices I have made to rebuild, I tried to have the perfect life a hundred years ago, as I describe my life now. I would punish myself severely trying to be perfect. I thought it was meant to be. That idea has now going out the window. I know now I will make mistakes.  I understand and know there will be times when I don’t handle situations and struggle to make the right choices. I am not going to ruin myself anymore by becoming someone else other than who I am. The judge inside me is very hard on me,

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Planting the seeds of life now is very precious to me; life is not about perfection, or putting on the perfect mask of life. Oh! How that shone before, the mask of a perfect marriage, There were so many deep hidden secrets. I have a deeper understanding of myself now. Over this year I have let go of so many things, I had to, to live.

The past, tries to creep into the future, many times, now I keep walking creating a space between me and the past. I don’t need to turn around anymore and see the past. I have looked back, I’ll be honest sometimes in the real early days it would have been easier to go back than to face the future. I’ve made bad decisions, when I have been in a confused state of mind. Sometimes I thought the future was a mirage, it would never happen, now I have arrived in the future and making a life.

I tortured myself for so many years, but those days are now gone, I am living in the here and now, making the very best of my life. I’m not perfect, I will make mistakes, maybe I will hurt people, but I’m not hurting myself anymore. I will do everything possible to do everything right, because I care about my choices today and always..

(c)bjsscribbles

 

Go back to the source

pexels-photo

 

 

There is a river rising
It’s rising fast, with
God’s thought

Yet no-one has measured
Their full ability, full force
The soul of man empties
Go back, Go back, turn to the source

Find the beginning, forget the borders,
Ignore the obstacles on the way to the beginning
Remember the way, one thought, through night and day
If he keeps his thoughts, man may know his strength
A limitless strength, because he walks with God

That mighty stream is rising fast
God’s thought shall bear down
Hopes, efforts, and purpose
To anchor our hopes, faith, strength success
Find the beginning of life with God.

(c)bjsscribbles

The gentle touch of a hand

There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
Like a child taught to obey
Grace of the Lord, grabbed my heart
And by grace my fears were gone
Like a child, the first hour of life
The first hour I believed
There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
I have already come
Through many dangers
Journey’s by Grace of the Lord
The Lord has led me home
The Lord has shown me the way
His word, is my hope, my security
He will as long as my life endures
He is my armour, my shield
A life of joy and peace, now
Bright and shining as the sun
As the days grow silent
Echoes of God’s praises
Or the sphere of fortune
When time first began
There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
Through the noises of night
The gentle touch of a hand setting me free
The touch of the Lord
(c)bjsscribbles

When I started my Journey

We are all on a journey, a journey to overcome. The Lord does not have a problem with people who fail. Our Lord does have a problem with those that fail, and won’t get up, and start again. Believe me I have had to pick myself up many times, dust myself off, start again. Overcoming many barriers in the past few years has taken me on a wild ride at times. This is my thoughts for today as I fight through this attack on my health.
2 Corinthians 10:4
4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
Revelations 2:11
11 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes shall not be hurt by the second death.”’

My life has not been easy, rebuilding, to begin with it was not a bumper crop of vegetables freshly growing. There were many weeds that sprung up from time to time. Sometimes it felt like insects scurry through my vegetables, suffering from stress. I have continued with my journey, cultivating my life, faithfully, watching it flourish. Encouraging colour in my life, filling in the gaps, getting rid of the weeds, nurturing my life, the result has been a bumper life with God at my side.
Walking with the Lord, I have come to learn and reassure myself, it does not matter what happened yesterday or how well we are doing in our private life. What is important to us all, the Lord is there He is the same today and always, He is there forever.
Hebrews 13:8
8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I remind myself as I have done today is to overcome the obstacles by giving it all up to God. It is the best defence against Satan. Using the word of God, cultivates the situation, so the Lord can bless and prosper it. By doing this it has helped me grow and overcome many obstacles.
I praise God for what He has done in my Life.
In Jesus name Amen

Your Spirit, is in us all

The many twist and turns in life, we can know that God is there willing to help us all. I’ve been checking some of my prayers in my journal today. To hot in Australia to venture outside today.

 

I speak of Your greatness Lord,
I talk of You and Your Goodness
Words You share

Though I have only known You a short time,
I see the many wonderful things You do
I’ve spread Your word to many

Know that I now know, You Lord, please don’t leave me
For the ones that follow, should know Your greatness as I do
Your power, that shapes a world

Dear Lord, I feel Your power each day
The wind You create reaches far above the skies
Your Spirit, is in us all
There is no – one like You

I’ve seen troubles and hard times
I had to see them, You were with me
But I did not know it then
You have picked me up, given me a new life
Together, I can do more
Your comfort shelters me
Praising You each day
In Jesus name Amen

You have stood beside me

We reached 41.0 degrees in my home state again today, I’ve sat searching today for thoughts, prayers and healing in my heart. I’ve been doing some Bible Journal lately and found one of my prayers I had written to help me get back on track.

 

Dear Lord, You have stood beside me,
I’ve called to You for help
Your ears have never been closed to my prayers
There is times when you have not answered me
I cry out and You, show me Your way

I lift my head towards to sky
Listening for Your Spirit
Praying You will show me mercy.

Dear Lord, I continue along my way
You have blessed me according to my deeds
As You do others, even those with evil
Teaching me to to forgive those
Who have hurt,
You’ve shown me how to discern,
Good from Bad, that, there is hope

I lift my head towards to sky
Listening for Your Spirit
Praying You will show me mercy.
Praise the Lord!
He has heard my prayer for mercy.

You have given me strength, a full armour
I trust the Lord with my heart and soul
I found Joy in the Lord
Praise God

In Jesus name hear my prayer today Amen

(c)bjsscribbles