Where do I begin

I’ve search my screen for answers, now the decision, is where do I begin writing my story?
I’ve come to the position where my is closing one door an another is opening, so many things happened in my life. There is a huge gap in my life now as I wonder where I’m going to finish. I try looking around a corner for answers. I cannot let go of my old life altogether as there is two grown up daughters. I know the past is my life that was, but my new life is now created, I can involve my daughters. There will still be hurt, my healing will enable me to deal with the hurt. As time goes on the consequences will become clearer.
There are thoughts of challenges ahead, how do you let go of something that helped you survive? I am now the person I am today because of the life I led. I was able to get through the worst times of my life, because of the person I was. I had strength, even though I was wearing out. I felt there was someone looking out for me but did not know whom till now.
Writing this is going to be a challenge, I’ve struggled to get where I am. There is a desire for the healing of my mind body and spirit. The old story of my life rises from time to time manipulating my request to close the book on my old life over and over. Countless times my past rises and sabotages the path I have been following.
There is an outstretched hand reaching out to me, guiding me toward the light, footsteps invisible to the naked eye. Pulling me through the forest of life, I just have to never let go now, never turning back
I have started this process many times, never being able to complete the process. It has taken time, after all it was a lifetime I left behind. Maybe it is a lesson I have to learn, faith truth, trust, strength, courage. I struggled, a great deal over the past handful of years, it’s still all new. As a young person I lost my faith in God, but I have found my faith in God. When I was going through the thick of my healing, I felt so lost in all forms of life. I could not barely put two words together without stammering.
All of this time has led me up to this point. The next chapter, of my life, starting new pages that need to be written as I move forward. The changes that started a few short years ago, when the attempts at making a new life began. Now the new story begins, I have no idea what is going to happen, I know it’s beginning with an adventure and love of life. When I come home after January I wont stop writing or talking.
I know now, I just have to let go, the lessons of life will continue to flow. By letting go I can become more.
As I now close the old book of my life, It pushed me to live as I do now. It helped me become more than I could have ever thought I could be. I see all the moments that I have lived, I feel all the times I have failed and got back up, dusted myself off and started again. I have been resilient, in moving throughout my new life step by step.
I must use what I have learned, my willingness to heal, my faith is now relentless to believe.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.—Philippians4:6-7

January is going to be full, with a trip to the tennis, Australian open championships, for me all my dreams will come true. Turning 65 on centre court. I’ve come from nothing, I’ve grown as a person, full of courage, new found faith, and trust.
The unknowns and challenges leave me feeling anxious. I’ve achieved a great deal over the past few years. A new challenge is facing me as I said going to the Australian Open tennis, flying in a plane. Don’t laugh it is 46 yrs since I was on a plane. Planes now have engines not propellers. Making my way around Melbourne. I’ve been working on a to do list while I am there. I am remembering Paul’s words, “Don’t worry pray”
The word’s of Paul encourage us all. One thing I have come to realise “Life is not without uncertainties” as I read Paul’s words. What I continue to learn is God cares about our lives. All of us face major life transitions, family issues, health scares or most of all financial troubles. God has shown me, I can let go of my fears of the unknown, and stop worrying about what may or may not happen.
As I open the door to my next stage of life, I can rest in God’s promises, that his peace and understanding will guard my life as He does others. Guarding our heart and mind.
It is a blessing not to be anxious about anything, God reminds us we can come to Him about anything and everything. I praise God every morning for what He has done in my life and what He has done in many of my friends lives.
Knowing now God is in my life eases my mind, with prayer, we lift our anxiety
up to God and find comfort and peace in God’s hands. Replacing our anxiety with God’s trust.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

Strength and determination

Strength and determination
As uncertain as destiny
Gathers in our mind
Lightening moments, bolt, shock, stimulate
Frivolous in flight, strength and determination
With my head held hight
Determination gives strength
From soul to soul, across my world
As a birds wings flutter
And the thoughts we utter
As forests touch the wind
Wings flutter, across my world

Dreams galore gather
Clouding my vision
At times bitter thoughts have power
To hide gnawing, corroding, my mind
Destroying the brightest light
Think love in determination
There’s hope in strength anew
Dreaded thoughts, give determination
The right to succeed
Renovating a blessed life
With the sword of faith held high

(C)bjsscribbles

The path to peace, can be simple

So many questions
Questions rattled my mind
Largely remained unanswered
I’ve been holding onto life
Till I realised it’s time to change

I’ve had glimpses of life
Leading to the way ahead
God has shown me small steps
Stepping stones to a world
Illuminated right in front of me
A sense of life in the big picture
Pieces still yet to be filled in
Yet leading me to what I needed to do and needed to let go of
I prayed and prayed earnestly, God showed me
How! the brain fog was lifted
It was so easy, to gain peace

The path to peace,
Can be simple if we let it
I felt as though
I was traveling along the path
But didn’t really know it
I just really needed to
Believe in myself
God was showing me a lesson in life

I wandered in a blur
For so many years, then,
There had been a silence that had fallen
Leaving enough space, to show me
Letting go, learn to let go, echoed
Where do I go next?
There are still parts of my life
I need to step back from

 

And so I am
I wont say it is easy
There are moments
When I fall into the old
Then turn commit to right choice
Again and again
Not looking back

 

.(c)bjsscribbles

 

In pursuit of life

When nothing goes to plan along the pathway to peace
When we think of the pathway to success
life  never comes in a straight path
It arrives, but it’s all over the place
Advance and retreat, Advance and retreat
So many times
That’s how it is for everyone
Two steps forward, two steps backward
I’ve talked about mistakes
Learning from mistakes
When life goes array
Time and time again
Trying, keep moving forward
In pursuit of goals

There was a time
When I sat still
Huddled in a corner
I thought about success
Going about life, in a blurr

Now pursuing life
Your part of life
I feel life each day

When we know where we are going
We will get there, I know I will
I know I’ve paid a price
Nothing has come easy
And it still doesn’t

Pursuing life
Paying the price
Rewards are coming my way
Dreams are being fulfilled
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

I feel the wind but the tears

Minutes of uncertainty
The many chilly hours
I desire the warmth
Of your mind
I feel the wind
Your all around me chilly
I take your hand feeling you circle me
And try to catch the wind again
I hide behind your smile at sunset
Day fades into night
Everywhere I look
I try to find you
The sweetest sounds of desire
Would make me sing
I feel the wind but the tears
As the rain comes wiping tears
Behind the walls of the wind
Standing by your heart
Longing to catch the wind
I try to find you

(c0bjsscribblesFeatured Image -- 6882

 

 

 

A breeze flows

I lay down on the sand beside quiet waters
Feeling the sand beneath my toes,
Refreshing as I feel the sun warming my soul
I  Could smile upon the whole

Guided towards the ocean, born of the ocean
The ocean was always in my heart
A breeze flows across my body calling me leading
Along unknown paths not yet found
Even though I have walked the darkest of paths
I fear no more evil

The ocean caresses our soul
An ocean breeze praise her beauty
Of nature and beauty, a creature of light
The ocean can posses you

“When you are with me I fear no evil
You comfort me in the presence of mine enemies”

Sorrows and anger, flood the ocean floor
There were times when I wondered “Why was love born?”
Beauty was born of and oceans breeze

You prepared the table of life before me
Your Rod and your Staff comfort me
As I walk toward the ocean, one natural morning
Those footsteps, I wonder, carrying me forward

Your goodness and love have changed me
The wind tosses my hair around
Emotion stir my soul, the lingering embrace of God
Deep within an oceans heart

He created the seas and established the waters
While you are with me, I fear no evil, you comfort us all

In Jesus name Amen…..(c)bjsscribbles

Trusting in God’s Salvation

I have a cup of warm soup beside me; it is cold and wet in South Australia. I look out of my window and find rain is doing my garden good. I’ve done the work settling myself, now all I wish to do is sit and look at my garden without the work, but there are no shortcuts in life.  Even when you say, “I’ve done enough in my life.”

 

“I want that look,” I said wistfully to myself, “without all the work.” My friends have big gardens when I visit I am able to enjoy without the work. The last few years have been a great deal of work, getting my life on track.

I have done a great deal of work this year, discovering the ability to enjoy shortcuts, when it is practical. In 2016 I was given the okay to stop seeing my psychologist, but I discovered earlier this year 2017 it was too soon to stop. I had a PTSD attack of the worst kind. I felt dead on the inside and was vomiting. I wanted the greatness of life without finishing the work I started; there were risks involved by taking my journey another step further. I was pleasing God and giving him the rewards for my healing, but I soon discovered I had to take the next step.  The next step was the power of “Imagery” in psychology, in my experience it has been a powerful tool in healing. It has done wonders for me

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-imagery/

We desire to please God, but not when it inconveniences us.

In my walk with God I have come to learn there is no shortcuts, once I turned my life over to God, it was all or nothing. God pulled me up out of the gutter and saved my life. There is no turning my back on God now. My life has changed radically.

A friend once told me, “God will repay what was stolen from you”, I cannot remember the exact words. By turning my faith to Jesus, the first day I walked into a church not so long ago. To be honest, I could not remember when I was last in a church, now-a-days it is every weekend. But it all has been so worth it. God has not given up on me; I live a joyful life, a peaceful life now, walking with God each day

It has not been easy turning my life to God, but it is so worth it.

Psalm 130:4 But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can …

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. …

But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you. …

Luke 1:77 to give his people the knowledge of salvation through …

to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins …

Daniel 5:17 Then Daniel answered the king, “You may keep your …

Then Daniel answered the king, “You may keep your gifts for yourself and

give your rewards to someone else. Nevertheless, I will …

 

Daniel 2:6 But if you tell me the dream and explain it, you will …

But if you tell me the dream and explain it, you will receive from me gifts

and rewards and great honor. So tell me the dream and …

 

1 Samuel 26:23 The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness …

The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness and faithfulness. The … The

LORD rewards each man for his integrity and loyalty. Even …

 

Isaiah 1:23 Your rulers are rebels, partners with thieves; they …

… Your rulers are rebels And companions of thieves; Everyone loves a bribe

And chases after rewards. They do not defend the orphan …

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Gentle whispers of God

Gentle whispers echo
Listen for those soft whispers
Hear the beat within your soul
Telling you, listen silently
For the direction of your heart
Which way will you go

Clear your mind
Of all the stories
Blocking your way
The light is shinning on your path
Feel your heart gently
Feel free

Feel with your fingers
Run, with your fingers
Feel the pull
Don’t deviate
Beware of the distraction

Dedicate yourself
Dedicate.
One step at a time.
But there is a choice.

What we see
Our mind, has moved our heart
So we give ourselves time
To dig, to search

Sometimes we continue to dig
But it is in the same place
You keep digging, searching
It doesn’t work

Life becomes clearer
When they do it is exciting
Life becomes interesting again
There is no doubt in your mind
This is the path, the path to reality
Life is not “That will do”
There is a path to follow for you and I

Gentle whispers of God
Listen for those soft whispers
Hear the beat within your soul
Telling you, listen silently
For the direction of your heart
Which way will you go
Follow the gentle whispers of God

He is the wind, He is the air we breathe
He will lead you to your Path

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Deep inside our minds

Lately I have been doing some deeper work with my psychologist opening deep secrets that I carried with me right through my life. Finally dealing with life, I am moving on further. Each line I have written has meaning for me. Dealing with the past with imagery is a powerful tool.
—————————————————————–
Where is meaning in this world
I have struggled to find meaning
We all know this world, yet we struggle
Today we try, but yet we wonder

I wonder where it is all going to end
Where should we all go?
There is so much hidden
Questions unanswered
Will we ever find the answers
The answers hidden, among the maze of the world
Deep inside our minds
Hidden deep in our inner soul

Life that is hidden, life we try to hide
Life does find you,
And it all releases
All the secrets of life hidden beneath the shield
The secrets of life can ruin the life you have made
Free up your life and release the secrets, dark secrets
The memories will fade, hidden in our lives
So many stories untold, of things we didn’t want told
The world came to a close for me, I told someone
Finally closure, my feelings are known
The struggle will soon be over
I am finally home

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

The inner soul

Lately I have struggled with my thoughts, there has been a great deal going on in my life. Turning to God has saved me more and more each day. Keeping me moving forward, I have been moving forward but I have struggled to write. The more I think I am getting there, I seem to take a step back.

———————————————————————

 

Music of life, created day and night
My nature is that of music
My lips have stammered
My sound has struggled
I utter a silent sound
Not able to fulfill the need of others
Dreams, thought, feelings interlaced
Inwardly, all senses answer the call
Tunes, so mysterious to the ear
Which step out to greet, granting infinite pleasure
From the darkness of the night, to the light of day
The soul I struggle to bear, the song of  my soul,
My inner soul has struggled
Through the portals of hearing, the beauty
Now of night, utter all sounds
Thunder now of night, breaks its own cloud
My flesh shivers, before my soul

(C) bjsscribbles