I’ve been devoting myself to moving forward completely with an unfaltering resolve to keep in the present. My desire to keep moving forward, my persistence actually is helping me break through the other side of life. For me the time is now, I had been holding to, too much life, when I really look back, there has been a battle going on, I can see it all now, one side didn’t want to let go, the other side was pleading with me to keep moving forward. No matter what hardships that may come my way.
Making the final decisions to lay down the past and grow with the wisdom, victory, worth and dreams, I’ve had over the years, putting them all in practice. I’ve dug deep into my character to get this far, I’ve stalled over and over, recently now I have to achieve in my own mind. There was ti e when it was for good reason that I stalled, but a lot of the time I wasn’t prepared to challenge myself now I am.
I’ve talked a great deal about letting go of the past, there has been tension lately with finally letting go. There was fear, that if I did let go things would fall back and get worse, not better. Images were created in my head, there is times when your head is very convincing, compelling you to not move forward
Now I must because I can move forward, I remember questioning myself so many times, why? “Why must I do this or that?, why? Must I be apprehensive about doing everything”
I feel as though I am now living for the first time, because I can!!
We are all given the gift of life from God and the ability to create life in which ever way we choose. For so many years I hid in fear, not allowing myself the process of growing, today as I see myself changing from the depths of my heart, I feel happy for the first time. But the choice to change is ours and ours alone.
I’ve made some decisions lately to go for it and accept the challenges before me, and stop the wondering. I feel, I want to see what life is like outside the square. Brain fog affected me for so long. I have no idea truly what to expect if I don’t go forward. I am being truly honest with myself as I sit here typing. Feeling truly alive and ready for whatever comes my way.
.Walking out onto the path not yet known, or where I was going all but a few years ago. I knew nothing of life, all I know it wasn’t the place I wanted to be. So I set out in an unknown direction, towards an unknown goal. Any movement during that time was a good thing, I was running, running from a life of terror. While all the places I’ve been were part of the path, but they weren’t the place of rest. I see now the journey was meant to pressure me into becoming more. More than a thousand days later, here I am making a decision to wander further along a new path. But this time it’s different, it’s a path I’ve chosen, a path I believe in. This one I’ve seen in my mind finally surrendered to my own path given me strength, courage and persistence.
I am surprised at the many things I’ve learned about myself, I’ve dive further than ever before in my life. I’ve witnessed the habits of old, I’ve seen new insights into the real meaning of love that is inextinguishable. Keeping myself from the world till now I’ve come to understand why I still exist.
When you wrestle with Satan and his serpents trying to keep them under control, I nearly drowned, defeated, abused, and used by all. In all of my failures in life, I’ve cast out the demons of Satan and his serpents. There are many who thought I would’ve quit, I haven’t allowed them to win. I’ve been finally resolving my life and getting it right. The quiet the solitude, these are places I truly enjoy and become whom I truly am. The picture wasn’t always pretty, but I’ve seen the truth without shying away from whom I truly am. The scene makes me appreciate the world I live in.
I became determined to turn the cards that were dealt me, fear, grasping at avoidance of life, the confusion that had been in my brain for year gone.. What I am now will not be the end of my life, when I came home from Melbourne I realised the world was my oyster. I was just beginning. The skies were witnessing me from above as I listen to Gods creatures in the morning. Every step I have taken has been along the path, I’ve never been lost, I was always there waiting for God to find me. When I feel I’ve taken a step backwards, I realise now I was taking a steps forward.
I was finding my way the entire time, I’ve been only starting to discover the footsteps I’ve taken, no matter how I viewed them, have been the steps to find who I truly am.
Every mistake, every fall, every step has been the way forward, they all led me to where I am now. Painful times, that were not meant to be, things happened in my life, there was so much I have learned from the power of God. They were things I needed to learn, in able to become who I am. There were many pointing fingers, yet I am awakening. The events of the past are now like a dream, they happened, by remembering whom I am, I can turn the past into something beautiful. No matter how dark the past was, there is always a light that comes into the present.
Now I am repainting the scenes of my life, no-one else can travel the path now I’ve set before me, the rocks in the river can be moved, the barriers we put up before us can be broken. It’s hard work, but it can be done. I’ve shifted my barriers, moved the rocks in the river. Moving forward in trust and faith, trusting your heart, trusting who you really are is one of the hardest thing you have to do. Before I discovered a fraction of who I was, slowly awakening now I discover how much time I have in front of me. I have many times in my lifetime left my mind, lets say on a shelf forgetting to pick it up.
All of the time I spent struggling, and battling, that time I am reclaiming, I’ve made a choice. I remind myself now I was never lost, I was just walking followed by God who was waiting for me to turn and ask for help.