Brandy a silky Australian terrier

Has come into my life.

Peace and relaxation now, lately I have been thinking a great deal about getting a new puppy and finally one came into my life yesterday. I know the picture of her looks rough, I have her booked for Monday for a full spruce up. I made her bed up last night, she took one look at my bed and said that is where I am sleeping. I didn’t mind. In the photo she is having her first taste of yoghurt, all my dogs shared the empty yoghurt containers.

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(c)bjsscribbles

Our Inner thoughts

When we are dealing with thought, thoughts create problems, and a thought can be changed.

Our inner thoughts, our experiences, life experiences, are a product of our problems. My life changing experiences have taken me on a road of self-discovery, learning not to hate myself, thinking I was a bad person for staying so long in a relationship that was so toxic. My thoughts produced a feeling of anxiety for so many years, leading to PTSD.

It takes an experience of witnessing an assault last week for me to realise, I did not buy into the argument and was able to walk away. My anxiety did rise a little for a couple of days, but I recovered quickly. I drove the thoughts out of my mind changing the feelings of terror, fear. I did report the incident to the police and council. The feeling did leave me quickly.

I am working on controlling my anxiety and PTSD, not using it as an excuse to stay hovelled up in my apartment/unit.  Realising the past has no power, I can control the negativity, feeling free in the moment is so important to me now. My thoughts ruled me for so long, it is true, and the list of fears would be so long, fearful thoughts that ruled me for a life time.

It was a habit with me, thinking the same thought over and over, in the end the choice was mine to make. Today I try desperately not to go down the road of negative thoughts; I set it in my mind not to. For so many years I had no way of experiencing positive thoughts.

There are so many people with life experience that live long suffering life, self-hatred, guilt; I admit I am one of them. Today I work on changing my life on all levels and keeping my self-respect I won back. I always felt I am not good enough, the thoughts were pushed down my throat for so many years, I did not know how to get out. The other thought I used so often, “I don’t deserve this”. Turning life experience around

It’s taken me a long time to get life altogether, it’s still a work in progress. Something would always go wrong, when I thought everything was going to run perfectly for a while. Sometimes resentment creeps in along with guilt, fear still causing problems for me. It’s problems I created by taking on board problems. This has caused problem for my health and in my life. I can take responsibility for taking on board the life stress. We are all responsible for everything in our life. Taking responsibility for what I take on board in my thoughts has sent people elsewhere. Claiming my life, my thoughts, I am no longer a door mat, for abuse. (c)bjsscribbles

 

There is a stillness in the air.

I found my deep sense of truth when I settled in a sleepy valley; I walked the ridges, hills, which bring a swift chill on a spring morning as you walk. Spending time here on my own, I held onto so many questions, I’ve needed answers for so many years. Interestingly while I know it would be beneficial to have answers, I didn’t know how hard it would be to reflect on the answers.

There is something about wandering, the trails of a sleepy valley, it brings out the joy, the spirit of God flows in my heart when I walk. There is a stillness that makes me delve into a deeper level of conversation with God. There is nothing between me and God to disturb our conversation, no outside influences. Just me, the fresh air how great the feeling.

Life becomes so much clearer as I walk; constant chatter from white noise disappears. It’s just me being me; no mask is needed as I walk. It just you or me walking, it can be challenging. During good and bad days, when I’m down walking is hard.

A liberating as walking is, there is always work to do. I see a path as I walk, I wonder where it will lead or if I was meant to travel this path. So many things I let go of as I walk. Disappointments, achievements, yet I create my life. Sometimes opportunities I see for a quick moment, God’s vision for me.

Now as each day rolls into one sometimes, I realise it’s the way life has always been. There’s no more to add or anything else to take away, or to place in a box closing the lid and forgetting that part of life happened. As hard as it is to let go of annoying habits, that have haunted me for many years. Today there are still possibilities. Now life is revealed, and everything has a clear intention.

Many things will change for me over the next few months and into the New Year. I have discovered a new world with God. I know I’m not done yet, there is so much more life ahead of me, I’ve had a taste of life and new experiences

Many things are going to change over this year. Last year with all of my traveling represented a opportunity for discovering the world. I know I’m not done yet but I’ve had a great taste of what that experience is like. My world has changed.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

 

The path to peace, can be simple

So many questions
Questions rattled my mind
Largely remained unanswered
I’ve been holding onto life
Till I realised it’s time to change

I’ve had glimpses of life
Leading to the way ahead
God has shown me small steps
Stepping stones to a world
Illuminated right in front of me
A sense of life in the big picture
Pieces still yet to be filled in
Yet leading me to what I needed to do and needed to let go of
I prayed and prayed earnestly, God showed me
How! the brain fog was lifted
It was so easy, to gain peace

The path to peace,
Can be simple if we let it
I felt as though
I was traveling along the path
But didn’t really know it
I just really needed to
Believe in myself
God was showing me a lesson in life

I wandered in a blur
For so many years, then,
There had been a silence that had fallen
Leaving enough space, to show me
Letting go, learn to let go, echoed
Where do I go next?
There are still parts of my life
I need to step back from

 

And so I am
I wont say it is easy
There are moments
When I fall into the old
Then turn commit to right choice
Again and again
Not looking back

 

.(c)bjsscribbles

 

Renovating your heart, Renovating your thoughts

Thoughts how they gather
Words are thoughts
Gathered in our mind
They don’t need wings
To fly
Lightening bolt moments
That gather, from soul to soul
As a birds wings flutter

 

A bitter thought has the power to hide
Gnawing at your heart, hiding
It still has the power to corrode
Destroying your mind

If we think love
There is times when we don’t
Yet we can encourage love
Lighting the world
Renovating your heart
Renovating your thoughts

Matthew 12:25 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.

Exodus 28:3 You shall speak to all who are wise-hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they make Aaron’s garments to sanctify him, that he may minister to me in the priest’s office.

(c)bjsscribbles

Ephesians 6-10-18

 

 

Don’t be afraid, Don’t be threatened, peace is about
Be strong in faith
With the Helmet of God, there is strength in Salvation
Salvation in the mind protected by God
The mighty power of the hemet of salvation
Against the rulers that once controlled our mind
Binding the powers of the dark world
So that when the day of evil comes, you can stand your ground
Stand firm now with the breast plate of righteousness in God’s sprit, the belt of truth
Tucked around your waist, stand firm in righteousness and truth
Extinguish evil from your mind, free yourself to be alive
Lets mend the broken spirit with the sword of the spirit
There is a mystery of feelings that God can hear
Only he knows, Pray in the spirit, only God can give you salvation
God has heard so many stories, be alert, that when ever God speaks his words
The mystery of God’s world evolves, Your feet are now comfortable in readiness for all that comes in peace.

(c)bjsscribbles

Ephesians 6:10-18King James Version (KJV)

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

A journey with God

When God came into my life
I knew there was a higher power
I did not know what I would feel
The feeling that has risen from dust
God knew, I was searching
He knew what he would see when he found me

God created us, he put us here on earth
To lead this life, I begun anew
Learning as I go
Sharing, giving what I can

God knew I would stumble
Oh! how I have fallen at times
He knew I would suffer
He knew I would call out
Sometimes crying out to Jesus

In desperation

So many mistakes, so many difficult choices
He knew that I would falter
Lessons I needed to learn from them
There were times, when it was more that I could take

I cried out

People told me, God had a plan for me
Oh! at times I wish I knew
From the very first day I was born
As you can tell, it’s frustrating at times
But soon I started to see His way

A new journey started

God was teaching me patience
How to grow in patience
If only I knew, slowly
Love, trust, strength, faith and Grace

A new life in God

The love the grew inside me
All the good, that you do
God has be noticing the changes I made
He has seen the work I’ve done

He has carried me
Placed his hands
On my shoulders
Knowing the pain I carried
In my heart, each and every day

Life brought me to my knees
Some gave up on me
God has kept the ones around
That are true

There came a day
When I saw
The hand of God at work
The love He has been sharing
God saved my life
God created my life for me

 

A journey with God
In Jesus name Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

Who I am

I’ve been thinking today
How shattered my heart has been
I close my eyes
Thinking about the words
Words, I have written

Thousands of words have flowed

Building a new heart

I’ve explored so many caverns in my heart
Finding a deeper understanding of my life
Who I am
It’s been far from perfect
Some many years of tears
There is a view from a hill nearby
A cross stands on the hill
As I sit on the rail thinking
I am content now, with God in my life

The demons of life scared me for so many years
Crushed my self-esteem, a lifetime of self-esteem
Flushed, till now, scars are fading fast

So many stories of life, so many memories
Memories of times, now past
Yet I’ve stood up and faced life
My defeats speak to me, from time to time
Scars now fading, forgiving, yet do we forget

Confusion ruled my mind
The darkness of life ruled my life
My mind, ruled my world
There was a time, I was ready to quit
God pulled me back out of the darkness

The love of life now, rules the heart
People picked me up, sharing new memories
The person I am now, these people built me up
I am proud of who I have become
I know I am still on a journey
I am far different now
And that’s a miracle
God showed me there is love
Love has won…In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

What is healthy assertion- assertiveness-

These are some notes I’ve made lately after a visit to my psychologist. Sometimes through no fault of my own, I fall back not thinking I have the ability to stand my ground. I know I can do it stand my ground and talk with anyone, I’ve proven it with my blog.

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What is healthy assertion-
assertiveness-
Choice and communication
Making active choices
Assertion, Why? do you ask me to make choices?
I know I have the ability, to communicate
Opinions, thoughts, needs and feelings
In a direct manner, honest and appropriate
When we choose, making choices
I now recognise my rights, as a person
And responsibilities
I now recognise the rights of others
Making choices
Perhaps God is showing me
How to manage interpersonal situations
Respecting the rights of all concerned
Being assertive means taking care of myself
Without trampling over others

Having more confidence
Being assertive
More control over my life
Taking responsibility
Meeting my own needs
More self-esteem
Valuing myself
The right to express your opinions
I now meet my own needs
Being able to choose, having choices
Feeling okay about yourself
My needs, and actions

Not locked into a way of life

Yet walking with God

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

The many who showed me the way

 

 

Try closing our eyes, “How do we see our future?” I have not looked into my future now for some time. I know God is walking with me.  When I close my eyes all I wish to do is rest now. I know that sound old school, but that is when I seem to find peace.
My imagination takes me on a ride when I am wake. I see things, and feel things and let my imagination run wild during the day. Things will happen as I act upon them
Each and every step has taken me to this point in my life, there are times when I thought I would not make it. My thoughts my actions, the good and the bad. Everything I have generated has come from many who showed me the way, and how my life could be. I don’t know where God is going to lead me, I know the last few years had their good and bad points, but the next can be better. Many questions about life have rooted themselves in my mind, some questions impossible to answer. Patience and moments clarity have shown me what I am looking for, these moments have come in small pieces of reality. I have been reconnecting with people, I haven’t seen in many years. My desire to dream the bigger picture of life.
I had dreams before but they were always shot down in flames, broken promises. I wasn’t myself, but now I am all in doing my own things without being dependent on others and that is the most awesome feeling in life that could happen to me. I was one of those that, being oppressed in life, my life was falling away before I was ready to let it.
I had to reconnect with myself before I could let others into my life. It was almost like growing pain, we all remember those, how painful they were. These past handful of years have been amazing, growing, living, challenging. I have written, of the challenges, it’s not easy re-building. The difficulty has been a gift from God, to grow from adversity, forging stronger ties with God, and the people around me. There was part of me that drifted, floating.
Depression, came close many times, life stopped still, it was frustrating, yet there was a deeper connection closer now. Sending me to God and deeper in prayer. Life came again, and I charged forward with a sense of purpose, stronger than I ever experienced before. Solidifying my faith. There have been continued challenges, moments when I relapse into the old ways. Times of deeper connection, with this wiser self, has bought me to a much better place in life. The gift of life.
The way I am heading I know there is the heart of God there, continuing on a path I know is true.
This is how I see myself now, not perfect. God has washed away the sins of the past, so now life can be a pure as cotton wool.

(c)bjsscribbles
Isaiah 1

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.