My thoughts on my future

I’ve been devoting myself to moving forward completely with an unfaltering resolve to keep in the present. My desire to keep moving forward, my persistence actually is helping me break through the other side of life. For me the time is now, I had been holding to, too much life, when I really look back, there has been a battle going on, I can see it all now, one side didn’t want to let go, the other side was pleading with me to keep moving forward. No matter what hardships that may come my way.

Making the final decisions to lay down the past and grow with the wisdom, victory, worth and dreams, I’ve had over the years, putting them all in practice. I’ve dug deep into my character to get this far, I’ve stalled over and over, recently now I have to achieve in my own mind. There was ti e when it was for good reason that I stalled, but a lot of the time I wasn’t prepared to challenge myself now I am.

I’ve talked a great deal about letting go of the past, there has been tension lately with finally letting go. There was fear, that if I did let go things would fall back and get worse, not better. Images were created in my head, there is times when your head is very convincing, compelling you to not move forward

Now I must because I can move forward, I remember questioning myself so many times, why? “Why must I do this or that?, why? Must I be apprehensive about doing everything”

I feel as though I am now living for the first time, because I can!!

We are all given the gift of life from God and the ability to create life in which ever way we choose. For so many years I hid in fear, not allowing myself the process of growing, today as I see myself changing from the depths of my heart, I feel happy for the first time. But the choice to change is ours and ours alone.

I’ve made some decisions lately to go for it and accept the challenges before me, and stop the wondering. I feel, I want to see what life is like outside the square. Brain fog affected me for so long. I have no idea truly what to expect if I don’t go forward. I am being truly honest with myself as I sit here typing. Feeling truly alive and ready for whatever comes my way.

.Walking out onto the path not yet known, or where I was going all but a few years ago. I knew nothing of life, all I know it wasn’t the place I wanted to be. So I set out in an unknown direction, towards an unknown goal. Any movement during that time was a good thing, I was running, running from a life of terror. While all the places I’ve been were part of the path, but they weren’t the place of rest. I see now the journey was meant to pressure me into becoming more. More than a thousand days later, here I am making a decision to wander further along a new path. But this time it’s different, it’s a path I’ve chosen, a path I believe in. This one I’ve seen in my mind finally surrendered to my own path given me strength, courage and persistence.

 

I am surprised at the many things I’ve learned about myself, I’ve dive further than ever before in my life. I’ve witnessed the habits of old, I’ve seen new insights into the real meaning of love that is inextinguishable. Keeping myself from the world till now I’ve come to understand why I still exist.

When you wrestle with Satan and his serpents trying to keep them under control, I nearly drowned, defeated, abused, and used by all. In all of my failures in life, I’ve cast out the demons of Satan and his serpents. There are many who thought I would’ve quit, I haven’t allowed them to win. I’ve been finally resolving my life and getting it right. The quiet the solitude, these are places I truly enjoy and become whom I truly am. The picture wasn’t always pretty, but I’ve seen the truth without shying away from whom I truly am. The scene makes me appreciate the world I live in.

I became determined to turn the cards that were dealt me, fear, grasping at avoidance of life, the confusion that had been in my brain for year gone.. What I am now will not be the end of my life, when I came home from Melbourne I realised the world was my oyster. I was just beginning. The skies were witnessing me from above as I listen to Gods creatures in the morning. Every step I have taken has been along the path, I’ve never been lost, I was always there waiting for God to find me. When I feel I’ve taken a step backwards, I realise now I was taking a steps forward.

I was finding my way the entire time, I’ve been only starting to discover the footsteps I’ve taken, no matter how I viewed them, have been the steps to find who I truly am.

Every mistake, every fall, every step has been the way forward, they all led me to where I am now. Painful times, that were not meant to be, things happened in my life, there was so much I have learned from the power of God. They were things I needed to learn, in able to become who I am. There were many pointing fingers, yet I am awakening. The events of the past are now like a dream, they happened, by remembering whom I am, I can turn the past into something beautiful. No matter how dark the past was, there is always a light that comes into the present.

Now I am repainting the scenes of my life, no-one else can travel the path now I’ve set before me, the rocks in the river can be moved, the barriers we put up before us can be broken. It’s hard work, but it can be done. I’ve shifted my barriers, moved the rocks in the river. Moving forward in trust and faith, trusting your heart, trusting who you really are is one of the hardest thing you have to do. Before I discovered a fraction of who I was, slowly awakening now I discover how much time I have in front of me. I have many times in my lifetime left my mind, lets say on a shelf forgetting to pick it up.

All of the time I spent struggling, and battling, that time I am reclaiming, I’ve made a choice. I remind myself now I was never lost, I was just walking followed by God who was waiting for me to turn and ask for help.

 

 

 

 

 

There are times when I can’t believe

There are times when I can’t believe
I’m sitting where I am
Today with a big smile on my face
I sit with a big heart writing new words
To my life, where the come, I do not know
There’s no doubt God’s been good to me

 

Oh the sun shinning down on the valley
I’m where I want to be, right now,
I’ve never said right now, before
I’ve never felt so loved, I feel the peace
There’s no doubt God’s been good to me

God placed me here in this valley
On the edge of heaven
In the heart of a city
Where my dreams have come alive
Everything I have, and everything I see
Oh! I know God have been good to me

 

The road has been long
Sometimes I’ve lost my way
The darkened nights that continue
Into day, I lean then heavily on my new found faith
The devil had my soul chained
Lord your love has set me free
God has been good to me

(c)bjsscribbles

Australian Pelican

 

 

Pelican at the waters edge
Figures, shinning of the edge
Sleek and glowing in the silver wind
Blown across the land
That no-one can understand

In the clear shadows of dusk
Thin pools of water flicker

Under the stars, glistening by night
Only a flicker, I see the Pelican
Swiftly others flicker and land

Outward, beyond the eye of the Pelican
Seeking solitude
Where the winds brood
Across the waters

At one with with the wind and water
Quiet and understanding
Still when the spill of a wave
Scurries the Pelican and brood

Dusk, by the sea, linger a while
Tide, silver winds, ions, relax
Air, breeze, for the wings of a Pelican
Rise above an ocean, distance only motion
On the wings of God’s creation.

(c)bjsscribbles

Go back to the source

pexels-photo

 

 

There is a river rising
It’s rising fast, with
God’s thought

Yet no-one has measured
Their full ability, full force
The soul of man empties
Go back, Go back, turn to the source

Find the beginning, forget the borders,
Ignore the obstacles on the way to the beginning
Remember the way, one thought, through night and day
If he keeps his thoughts, man may know his strength
A limitless strength, because he walks with God

That mighty stream is rising fast
God’s thought shall bear down
Hopes, efforts, and purpose
To anchor our hopes, faith, strength success
Find the beginning of life with God.

(c)bjsscribbles

You are the same today and always

I lay my life at Your feet You have been my saviour I found You are the only way I turn my life to You I find You are always there My troubles have been long Now You are the one I seek I search You out, In troubled times I am humbled by You. You are the way of life Jesus, One way You are the one, Jesus That I live for One way Jesus I’ve realised You are always, there for us all Your grace is humbling to everyone You  are the same today and always Never changing There is no end to Your being The Truth in Your scripture Is the way of life Walking in faith and not by sight We Live You are the way of life Jesus, One way You are the one, Jesus That I live for One way Jesus In Jesus name Amen

Your Spirit, is in us all

The many twist and turns in life, we can know that God is there willing to help us all. I’ve been checking some of my prayers in my journal today. To hot in Australia to venture outside today.

 

I speak of Your greatness Lord,
I talk of You and Your Goodness
Words You share

Though I have only known You a short time,
I see the many wonderful things You do
I’ve spread Your word to many

Know that I now know, You Lord, please don’t leave me
For the ones that follow, should know Your greatness as I do
Your power, that shapes a world

Dear Lord, I feel Your power each day
The wind You create reaches far above the skies
Your Spirit, is in us all
There is no – one like You

I’ve seen troubles and hard times
I had to see them, You were with me
But I did not know it then
You have picked me up, given me a new life
Together, I can do more
Your comfort shelters me
Praising You each day
In Jesus name Amen

Your eyes search your inner soul

My eyes, reach for the hills
Already searching, the road ahead
The road to which I begun
We are held fast by what we cannot reach
Your eyes search your inner soul
For that which you cannot reach
Even from a distance

I feel charged when I walk
Even if I don’t reach my goal
There is always something else to see
My eyes roam the hills, sensing, the unreachable
I feel the wind in my face
The spirit of my inner soul
Talks to me as I walk
Forever at my side

Now forever at my side
There is a hand holding mine
Leading me, as I walk the hills
And settles within, mine
The hand of the Lord Jesus
Leads me, across a winding trail
Yet I do not perish, He leads me home

(c)bjsscribbles

Bronzed in Memory

A gate hangs, for those who wait
Bronzed in memory, my heart goes to the garden
Where I once walked, olden plants, olden ornaments
Walks that I once took now memories
Old – time pleasures flow in my heart
Loves, that flow from the things I used to know
Meets me here in my garden of memories
As I wander to and fro

I hear a child’s laughter, signs of joy
I can feel the face of a child, in memory
Feel the smile of a child, bring joy
Would you stand so deep in joy?
Wild thrill of laughter, rapture your heart
Yet feel the glance of eyes that are darkened
Deemed to stray under the darkness of the night
In the midst of Joy, grab a tune from the floating birds

A gate hangs, for those who wait
Bronzed in memory, my heart goes to the garden
Where I once walked, olden plants, olden ornaments
Music echoes, on the swell of dreamy air, from birds above
A tune long forgotten, never sounded, again
Yet those times I was in the garden
It follows me through the roses
The kiss of perfume, that touches your cheeks
Glows in the light, a moment never forgotten
On this day, I opened the gate
Bronzed in memory, the painful sorrow
Tears flow, like a stream, times quaint stream
Roses now, crying for tender care
Walks that I once took now memories
Old – time pleasures flow in my heart
Loves, that flow from the things I used to know
There is a cry of pain, as I shut the gate
And walk away, to the present
Now I walk in the quiet paths
A much better path too take
The pain of those days, now vanished

(c)bjsscribbles

The Spirit of time

 

 

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As I wake
I hear the clock
It beats like my soul
To introduce my soul to time
Life is a sense of phase
Each part of our life
Day by day, each step
Is a sense of timing
The people we see
The people we meet
The clock I hear
Is still marking time
Guiding us along our path
Whatever direction we take
A constant pounding of time
Confusion reigns in our minds
That an immortal binds
A clock echoing throughout a room
As if it is sending us a message
Watching every move, waiting for you
To fall

The Lord tells us, “Be Still”
There is a moment in time, where the clock beats for us
Your heart beats to your rhythm, as the clock beat for you
Your time, as the clock beat uniquely for us all
Each step of our journey
I hear the clock beating differently now
For when the time beats for us all
It is our time, our tune

In time my story will be told
I don’t know where or when
I listen to the beats of time now
Not fearing each day
For the presence of time is our story
My destiny lies within the melody of time
Have Faith, believe, trust
The Spirit of time will carry you through
(c)bjsscribbles

Leaning and trusting in God

I have been known to lean
On myself, my own understanding
I learn now, to depend, on the Lord
I Depend on You,
To show me the way, to Your understanding
You have cleansed my heart
You have cleansed my life
For those that do not know You
I ask for their forgiveness
My desire is to draw near to you
As we make time to sit quietly
With You and listen to Your words
In our heart

There have been times
When my emotions dragged me down
You know this Lord
Today I find being led by your Spirit
Opens my heart
Today I bring my heart to you
My emotions are shaky today
You are my strength, my rock
Today I stand tall
My confidence is in Your word
You help me live in Your peace
I trust Your word and I live in Faith
In the name of Jesus Amen

(c)bjsscribbles