Where do I begin

I’ve search my screen for answers, now the decision, is where do I begin writing my story?
I’ve come to the position where my is closing one door an another is opening, so many things happened in my life. There is a huge gap in my life now as I wonder where I’m going to finish. I try looking around a corner for answers. I cannot let go of my old life altogether as there is two grown up daughters. I know the past is my life that was, but my new life is now created, I can involve my daughters. There will still be hurt, my healing will enable me to deal with the hurt. As time goes on the consequences will become clearer.
There are thoughts of challenges ahead, how do you let go of something that helped you survive? I am now the person I am today because of the life I led. I was able to get through the worst times of my life, because of the person I was. I had strength, even though I was wearing out. I felt there was someone looking out for me but did not know whom till now.
Writing this is going to be a challenge, I’ve struggled to get where I am. There is a desire for the healing of my mind body and spirit. The old story of my life rises from time to time manipulating my request to close the book on my old life over and over. Countless times my past rises and sabotages the path I have been following.
There is an outstretched hand reaching out to me, guiding me toward the light, footsteps invisible to the naked eye. Pulling me through the forest of life, I just have to never let go now, never turning back
I have started this process many times, never being able to complete the process. It has taken time, after all it was a lifetime I left behind. Maybe it is a lesson I have to learn, faith truth, trust, strength, courage. I struggled, a great deal over the past handful of years, it’s still all new. As a young person I lost my faith in God, but I have found my faith in God. When I was going through the thick of my healing, I felt so lost in all forms of life. I could not barely put two words together without stammering.
All of this time has led me up to this point. The next chapter, of my life, starting new pages that need to be written as I move forward. The changes that started a few short years ago, when the attempts at making a new life began. Now the new story begins, I have no idea what is going to happen, I know it’s beginning with an adventure and love of life. When I come home after January I wont stop writing or talking.
I know now, I just have to let go, the lessons of life will continue to flow. By letting go I can become more.
As I now close the old book of my life, It pushed me to live as I do now. It helped me become more than I could have ever thought I could be. I see all the moments that I have lived, I feel all the times I have failed and got back up, dusted myself off and started again. I have been resilient, in moving throughout my new life step by step.
I must use what I have learned, my willingness to heal, my faith is now relentless to believe.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.—Philippians4:6-7

January is going to be full, with a trip to the tennis, Australian open championships, for me all my dreams will come true. Turning 65 on centre court. I’ve come from nothing, I’ve grown as a person, full of courage, new found faith, and trust.
The unknowns and challenges leave me feeling anxious. I’ve achieved a great deal over the past few years. A new challenge is facing me as I said going to the Australian Open tennis, flying in a plane. Don’t laugh it is 46 yrs since I was on a plane. Planes now have engines not propellers. Making my way around Melbourne. I’ve been working on a to do list while I am there. I am remembering Paul’s words, “Don’t worry pray”
The word’s of Paul encourage us all. One thing I have come to realise “Life is not without uncertainties” as I read Paul’s words. What I continue to learn is God cares about our lives. All of us face major life transitions, family issues, health scares or most of all financial troubles. God has shown me, I can let go of my fears of the unknown, and stop worrying about what may or may not happen.
As I open the door to my next stage of life, I can rest in God’s promises, that his peace and understanding will guard my life as He does others. Guarding our heart and mind.
It is a blessing not to be anxious about anything, God reminds us we can come to Him about anything and everything. I praise God every morning for what He has done in my life and what He has done in many of my friends lives.
Knowing now God is in my life eases my mind, with prayer, we lift our anxiety
up to God and find comfort and peace in God’s hands. Replacing our anxiety with God’s trust.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

Ride on the breath Of the Holy Spirit

Ride on the breath
Of the Holy Spirit
Quietly, focus

.From the pockets of
Of your depths
Connect, understand
Outside of you there is nothing
It is deep within you
Outside of you there is nothing to seek
You are already for the Holy Spirit
Your path with the Holy Spirit was there from the moment you were concieved
Begin to understand
It’s here, it always been there waiting
Discovereing you were always plugged into the Holy Spirit

You thought you were on your own for such a long time
Running in circles, you could never find answers
No more circles, just the Holy Spirit
You are everything, the Holy Spirit is in you
New life is breathing inside me
I sit now under the stars
Believing
Talking with God
Proclaiming to myself there is life
I conducted a battle within myself for so many years

Part of me did not want to let go
The deeper side knew, I had to let go
Finding the Holy Spirit in life gave me life
Turning myself into something more
To get down on my knees and give my life to God
To let go of fear
And settle
Oh! what a transitions, and many of them
No more standing on the edge of life
The fringes only bring heartache
There was only marching through and seeking the Holy Spirit
It’s always been there for us all
I lay in silence
I get up now each day walking out of the old ways
I walk ahead
There is a story to my life
One that served me
Now I am growing finding me

It is a grand feeling

(c)bjsscribbles

Let the guiding winds prevail

Trust in yourself
Our own untried capacity
As though you would trust God
The soul radiated from the whole
We dream what forces lay deep
Across the vast oceans, the greatest of oceans
The silent mind, rolls deep
Go seek your dreams across an ocean
Let the guiding winds prevail
Those passions which favour

No man, can limit, your strength
Such achievements, triumphs,
You never thought you could attain
May you believe in our creator
Press on, achieve
Some feet will tread
The ground yet covered
And finally, discover
With God at your side

Your achievements

(c)bjsscribbles

There is a stillness in the air.

I found my deep sense of truth when I settled in a sleepy valley; I walked the ridges, hills, which bring a swift chill on a spring morning as you walk. Spending time here on my own, I held onto so many questions, I’ve needed answers for so many years. Interestingly while I know it would be beneficial to have answers, I didn’t know how hard it would be to reflect on the answers.

There is something about wandering, the trails of a sleepy valley, it brings out the joy, the spirit of God flows in my heart when I walk. There is a stillness that makes me delve into a deeper level of conversation with God. There is nothing between me and God to disturb our conversation, no outside influences. Just me, the fresh air how great the feeling.

Life becomes so much clearer as I walk; constant chatter from white noise disappears. It’s just me being me; no mask is needed as I walk. It just you or me walking, it can be challenging. During good and bad days, when I’m down walking is hard.

A liberating as walking is, there is always work to do. I see a path as I walk, I wonder where it will lead or if I was meant to travel this path. So many things I let go of as I walk. Disappointments, achievements, yet I create my life. Sometimes opportunities I see for a quick moment, God’s vision for me.

Now as each day rolls into one sometimes, I realise it’s the way life has always been. There’s no more to add or anything else to take away, or to place in a box closing the lid and forgetting that part of life happened. As hard as it is to let go of annoying habits, that have haunted me for many years. Today there are still possibilities. Now life is revealed, and everything has a clear intention.

Many things will change for me over the next few months and into the New Year. I have discovered a new world with God. I know I’m not done yet, there is so much more life ahead of me, I’ve had a taste of life and new experiences

Many things are going to change over this year. Last year with all of my traveling represented a opportunity for discovering the world. I know I’m not done yet but I’ve had a great taste of what that experience is like. My world has changed.

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

There have been a few challenging, situations in my life lately. I’ve been working through them with help. There are times when I cannot believe how far I have traveled, how writing helps you see the many challenges of life.

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The time in our life
All the things I’ve done, and how it’s been
I think about living, my mind, believing in my life
I know now, God was waiting for me
The sun shines each day,
I’ve been lucky, God has given me the gift of life
A second chance in life
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow

So many days pass now, Oh! how quickly they pass
Time whispers around me, in the depth of winter

Moving quickly through Spring and Summer
The timely changes of life frighten me, but I still smile
Each day I grow a little older, maybe wiser, I hope
My life has been good to me, I feel there is more yet for me to do
With God at my side, so many things my mind has never known
Tomorrow, life is but an adventure

Finding life where I have, it’s been a good life here
God gave me a second chance at life, to hang around a little longer
Sit among the stars, watching a falling star
A chance to talk of my writing, my life
God’s gift of prayer and all the things we believe
This time in my life how great it is to have memories
And dreams to share, today and tomorrow is but an adventure
(c)bjsscribbles

 

Renovating your heart, Renovating your thoughts

Thoughts how they gather
Words are thoughts
Gathered in our mind
They don’t need wings
To fly
Lightening bolt moments
That gather, from soul to soul
As a birds wings flutter

 

A bitter thought has the power to hide
Gnawing at your heart, hiding
It still has the power to corrode
Destroying your mind

If we think love
There is times when we don’t
Yet we can encourage love
Lighting the world
Renovating your heart
Renovating your thoughts

Matthew 12:25 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.

Exodus 28:3 You shall speak to all who are wise-hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they make Aaron’s garments to sanctify him, that he may minister to me in the priest’s office.

(c)bjsscribbles

Ephesians 6-10-18

 

 

Don’t be afraid, Don’t be threatened, peace is about
Be strong in faith
With the Helmet of God, there is strength in Salvation
Salvation in the mind protected by God
The mighty power of the hemet of salvation
Against the rulers that once controlled our mind
Binding the powers of the dark world
So that when the day of evil comes, you can stand your ground
Stand firm now with the breast plate of righteousness in God’s sprit, the belt of truth
Tucked around your waist, stand firm in righteousness and truth
Extinguish evil from your mind, free yourself to be alive
Lets mend the broken spirit with the sword of the spirit
There is a mystery of feelings that God can hear
Only he knows, Pray in the spirit, only God can give you salvation
God has heard so many stories, be alert, that when ever God speaks his words
The mystery of God’s world evolves, Your feet are now comfortable in readiness for all that comes in peace.

(c)bjsscribbles

Ephesians 6:10-18King James Version (KJV)

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

A journey with God

When God came into my life
I knew there was a higher power
I did not know what I would feel
The feeling that has risen from dust
God knew, I was searching
He knew what he would see when he found me

God created us, he put us here on earth
To lead this life, I begun anew
Learning as I go
Sharing, giving what I can

God knew I would stumble
Oh! how I have fallen at times
He knew I would suffer
He knew I would call out
Sometimes crying out to Jesus

In desperation

So many mistakes, so many difficult choices
He knew that I would falter
Lessons I needed to learn from them
There were times, when it was more that I could take

I cried out

People told me, God had a plan for me
Oh! at times I wish I knew
From the very first day I was born
As you can tell, it’s frustrating at times
But soon I started to see His way

A new journey started

God was teaching me patience
How to grow in patience
If only I knew, slowly
Love, trust, strength, faith and Grace

A new life in God

The love the grew inside me
All the good, that you do
God has be noticing the changes I made
He has seen the work I’ve done

He has carried me
Placed his hands
On my shoulders
Knowing the pain I carried
In my heart, each and every day

Life brought me to my knees
Some gave up on me
God has kept the ones around
That are true

There came a day
When I saw
The hand of God at work
The love He has been sharing
God saved my life
God created my life for me

 

A journey with God
In Jesus name Amen

(c)bjsscribbles

Who I am

I’ve been thinking today
How shattered my heart has been
I close my eyes
Thinking about the words
Words, I have written

Thousands of words have flowed

Building a new heart

I’ve explored so many caverns in my heart
Finding a deeper understanding of my life
Who I am
It’s been far from perfect
Some many years of tears
There is a view from a hill nearby
A cross stands on the hill
As I sit on the rail thinking
I am content now, with God in my life

The demons of life scared me for so many years
Crushed my self-esteem, a lifetime of self-esteem
Flushed, till now, scars are fading fast

So many stories of life, so many memories
Memories of times, now past
Yet I’ve stood up and faced life
My defeats speak to me, from time to time
Scars now fading, forgiving, yet do we forget

Confusion ruled my mind
The darkness of life ruled my life
My mind, ruled my world
There was a time, I was ready to quit
God pulled me back out of the darkness

The love of life now, rules the heart
People picked me up, sharing new memories
The person I am now, these people built me up
I am proud of who I have become
I know I am still on a journey
I am far different now
And that’s a miracle
God showed me there is love
Love has won…In Jesus name Amen
(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

The many who showed me the way

 

 

Try closing our eyes, “How do we see our future?” I have not looked into my future now for some time. I know God is walking with me.  When I close my eyes all I wish to do is rest now. I know that sound old school, but that is when I seem to find peace.
My imagination takes me on a ride when I am wake. I see things, and feel things and let my imagination run wild during the day. Things will happen as I act upon them
Each and every step has taken me to this point in my life, there are times when I thought I would not make it. My thoughts my actions, the good and the bad. Everything I have generated has come from many who showed me the way, and how my life could be. I don’t know where God is going to lead me, I know the last few years had their good and bad points, but the next can be better. Many questions about life have rooted themselves in my mind, some questions impossible to answer. Patience and moments clarity have shown me what I am looking for, these moments have come in small pieces of reality. I have been reconnecting with people, I haven’t seen in many years. My desire to dream the bigger picture of life.
I had dreams before but they were always shot down in flames, broken promises. I wasn’t myself, but now I am all in doing my own things without being dependent on others and that is the most awesome feeling in life that could happen to me. I was one of those that, being oppressed in life, my life was falling away before I was ready to let it.
I had to reconnect with myself before I could let others into my life. It was almost like growing pain, we all remember those, how painful they were. These past handful of years have been amazing, growing, living, challenging. I have written, of the challenges, it’s not easy re-building. The difficulty has been a gift from God, to grow from adversity, forging stronger ties with God, and the people around me. There was part of me that drifted, floating.
Depression, came close many times, life stopped still, it was frustrating, yet there was a deeper connection closer now. Sending me to God and deeper in prayer. Life came again, and I charged forward with a sense of purpose, stronger than I ever experienced before. Solidifying my faith. There have been continued challenges, moments when I relapse into the old ways. Times of deeper connection, with this wiser self, has bought me to a much better place in life. The gift of life.
The way I am heading I know there is the heart of God there, continuing on a path I know is true.
This is how I see myself now, not perfect. God has washed away the sins of the past, so now life can be a pure as cotton wool.

(c)bjsscribbles
Isaiah 1

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.