The original image God created in his eyes.

Do you remember when?
Someone told you something about yourself
Belonging only to itself
You realise later it was a lie about yourself
I remember so many lies that were told
They told you, that you do this or that wrong
You were this way or that way
Oh! how insignificant you were made feel
And for all different sorts or reasons
You might not even understand
When something happened it was your fault
Oh! how insignificant you were made feel
Your brain, so locked in, the process
Believing all the words
I walked about for years
Have you walked about for years?
Till help arrives, it mounts into an entire life
Believing in this lie, You were fed so long ago
You thought you were that way…
Turn around now and look at yourself
You’re not that way, believe in yourself
No one know you better than you know you
Look at the words that were said about you
Really look, question those words, and you will see
Look into your heart and you will see
You will remember there is a person inside you
I know I did
I found me
The memory of a loving, caring mother, a compassionate mother.
The story goes on
So have courage
Search and you will find you
The original image God created in his eyes.
I see me now, I’ve taken a step forward to be counted

(c)bjsscribbles

The demons

 

Planting Some New Seeds in my life, I’m not sure when they were planted, but deep down they must have been. For the latter years of my marriage I found myself wandering, in my mind. Where it was leading me I did not know.

For many hours I found myself walking trying to escape, wandering yet not lost. I wandered in an about the trees across many parks. Downtrodden for many years, I listened to many whispers, whispers within my mind. How to escape, the turmoil within, there was no-where to go. I had built a home a family, but it was all lost in a maze of Alcohol and abuse. Yet I still had no-where to go.

I kept asking myself how do I breathe, I was tired, tired of life, the more I tried to plan an escape, I kept getting talked into staying. I had focus for so long on what was going on. What I had built was lost, leading to my realization there was nothing left in my life for me. Is that wrong, a desire to find an individual inside a soul that was dying.

I just desired a breath of life. I can really see now how tired of living I was, I know if I had stayed I would not be  writing this.

The demons that sat deep within my soul, I have finally dealt with, the PTSD that would trigger if someone did something out of place. Something simple would upset my day. I wondered would I ever be free of my past. I know now I will live with them, but it would not upset me as bad now I have dealt with them, with my psychologist. For now they are quieted down, through sheer determination to be able to live free. They may rise again, but I know how to deal with them now.

I’ve struggled with my past and how much it has affected my life now, I’ve thought a lot about it. There topics that come up in different situations I shy away from, I don’t need that talk, I am healed. My life is mine now. Maybe there is still a little healing to do, that will happen in time.

The journey I have taken to healing has been mine, my past is mine, but now it is the past, my healing has happened in many different areas. Reclaiming my life has been a powerful experience. The healing has not been easy, but it was necessary.

I am not sure why I stayed so long, I know fear and no-where to go was one of the main reasons. The path I was on was not good. I was always hopping life and promises would turn our lives around. But the promises never came to fruition. Most women in my situation do stay out of fear and leave up to 9 times. I had no idea what I should be doing; I still had no-where to go.

The more I write, the struggle to get where I am today, has been so valuable, to help keeping me moving forward. Who I am today, is not who I was, when I walked away. The struggle helped me understand what it means when I look at myself today. It has been a painful process, peeling away the person I was and developing a new and refreshed person. Untying the chains of the past is always a challenge, I remember the first time I heard “Amazing Grace” after I walked into a church for the first time, I cried, buckets of tears.

I did not think I would be this free, in 6 short years, discovering the heart is pure joy, discovering God and feeling whole is so important.

©bjsscribbles

Not knowing & Learning

 

This minute I am thinking
When I arrived, I needed to stay open
I was shut of from the world so long
Now I never shut myself off, never close down
Keep the doors open to life
I had to learn

Depression closes doors
Open the doors and you will live
There will be times
When you will be wounded
You will suffer
There have been times
When I have stayed in bed all day
Hidden from the world

Today on the other side
With everything behind
The renewal of life is before me
Staying open to the world
Open your heart to the world

There is so many surprises
The world will invite you
Treat you, Teach you new ways
Shape you, let life in
And you will find
A world full of magic

With God at Your side

 

(C)bjsscribbles

Trusting in God’s Salvation

I have a cup of warm soup beside me; it is cold and wet in South Australia. I look out of my window and find rain is doing my garden good. I’ve done the work settling myself, now all I wish to do is sit and look at my garden without the work, but there are no shortcuts in life.  Even when you say, “I’ve done enough in my life.”

 

“I want that look,” I said wistfully to myself, “without all the work.” My friends have big gardens when I visit I am able to enjoy without the work. The last few years have been a great deal of work, getting my life on track.

I have done a great deal of work this year, discovering the ability to enjoy shortcuts, when it is practical. In 2016 I was given the okay to stop seeing my psychologist, but I discovered earlier this year 2017 it was too soon to stop. I had a PTSD attack of the worst kind. I felt dead on the inside and was vomiting. I wanted the greatness of life without finishing the work I started; there were risks involved by taking my journey another step further. I was pleasing God and giving him the rewards for my healing, but I soon discovered I had to take the next step.  The next step was the power of “Imagery” in psychology, in my experience it has been a powerful tool in healing. It has done wonders for me

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-imagery/

We desire to please God, but not when it inconveniences us.

In my walk with God I have come to learn there is no shortcuts, once I turned my life over to God, it was all or nothing. God pulled me up out of the gutter and saved my life. There is no turning my back on God now. My life has changed radically.

A friend once told me, “God will repay what was stolen from you”, I cannot remember the exact words. By turning my faith to Jesus, the first day I walked into a church not so long ago. To be honest, I could not remember when I was last in a church, now-a-days it is every weekend. But it all has been so worth it. God has not given up on me; I live a joyful life, a peaceful life now, walking with God each day

It has not been easy turning my life to God, but it is so worth it.

Psalm 130:4 But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can …

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. …

But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you. …

Luke 1:77 to give his people the knowledge of salvation through …

to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins …

Daniel 5:17 Then Daniel answered the king, “You may keep your …

Then Daniel answered the king, “You may keep your gifts for yourself and

give your rewards to someone else. Nevertheless, I will …

 

Daniel 2:6 But if you tell me the dream and explain it, you will …

But if you tell me the dream and explain it, you will receive from me gifts

and rewards and great honor. So tell me the dream and …

 

1 Samuel 26:23 The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness …

The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness and faithfulness. The … The

LORD rewards each man for his integrity and loyalty. Even …

 

Isaiah 1:23 Your rulers are rebels, partners with thieves; they …

… Your rulers are rebels And companions of thieves; Everyone loves a bribe

And chases after rewards. They do not defend the orphan …

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

Deep inside our minds

Lately I have been doing some deeper work with my psychologist opening deep secrets that I carried with me right through my life. Finally dealing with life, I am moving on further. Each line I have written has meaning for me. Dealing with the past with imagery is a powerful tool.
—————————————————————–
Where is meaning in this world
I have struggled to find meaning
We all know this world, yet we struggle
Today we try, but yet we wonder

I wonder where it is all going to end
Where should we all go?
There is so much hidden
Questions unanswered
Will we ever find the answers
The answers hidden, among the maze of the world
Deep inside our minds
Hidden deep in our inner soul

Life that is hidden, life we try to hide
Life does find you,
And it all releases
All the secrets of life hidden beneath the shield
The secrets of life can ruin the life you have made
Free up your life and release the secrets, dark secrets
The memories will fade, hidden in our lives
So many stories untold, of things we didn’t want told
The world came to a close for me, I told someone
Finally closure, my feelings are known
The struggle will soon be over
I am finally home

(c)bjsscribbles

 

 

There was a time

 

So many life changes have come into my life. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it is me living this life. I am feeling pretty good and pleased.

Sometimes old doubts creep into my mind, I have to shake myself and tell the dangerous doubting thoughts to get out. Those times are hard and tough going, but with the help of many around me and most of all knowing God is in my life. I get through.

There have been times lately when I have wondered if I’ll ever be free of the life I led before. With so many things happen it’s hard to keep the past where it should be, in the past. The scars are slowly passing, fading, they will fade further over time. I have had trouble believing in myself, today I’ve come to the point where I do.

The person that cause so much heart ache over time in my life is slowly fading as well, but unfortunately, news creeps through. Refreshing the memories, now I move past those time quickly, but I feel for those in the city that deals with it most of the time.

I love the quiet in my life now, no arguments, no yelling, no hiding. Finally I feel as though there is peace in my life. At the moment I am looking after friends dogs for about a fortnight, I was anxious a bit, thoughts of my dogs came flashing before my eyes, which is only natural after all I had them for the best part of 20yrs. Today as my friends left for Sydney, I have felt comfortable with the dogs, really I don’t know what I was worried about. Almost as though I have never been away from dogs.

To express the feeling of how I attained peace in my life is puzzling to me. Many say it is simple because I have “God” in my life but I often wonder is it as simple as that. Maybe it is. My trouble is I have been looking for so many answers, but it has been before my eyes all the time.

I truly don’t know how I got through all the years of turmoil in my life before without “God”, many times I coould’ve taken my life but continued pushing through, to get where I am now. There are many I know that don’t have g”God” or any sort of belief in their life. I became tired of the answer one foot after another, I knew there had to be a better way, I guess I found it.
(c)bjsscribbles

 

There was a time,

When I didn’t have all the answers

Who’s to say that I do now

Who’s to say anyone does

I remember many saying

“What goes around comes around”

I believe, now

The many tears that have passed in time

Tears pass away, then you finally see

Life is alright, whatever you do

Memories, come back to you

You remember it is all true

Life is alright, whatever you do

It’s coming back, to you

The passion of life caught between

The beauty of a rose and the remains of life covered in ashes

At the end of your rope

You don’t want to feel, you don’t want to be seen this way

There is hope, your hanging on to hope

The nights will turn around

You’ll be found, and someday you will rise again

Life is alright, whatever you do

Memories, may come back to you

You remember it is all true

Life is alright, whatever you do

It’s coming back, to you

There is hope, your hanging on to hope

The nights will turn around

With God in your life.

 

(c)bjsscribbles

The gentle touch of a hand

There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
Like a child taught to obey
Grace of the Lord, grabbed my heart
And by grace my fears were gone
Like a child, the first hour of life
The first hour I believed
There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
I have already come
Through many dangers
Journey’s by Grace of the Lord
The Lord has led me home
The Lord has shown me the way
His word, is my hope, my security
He will as long as my life endures
He is my armour, my shield
A life of joy and peace, now
Bright and shining as the sun
As the days grow silent
Echoes of God’s praises
Or the sphere of fortune
When time first began
There is a sound
The beautiful sound of music
So gentle, the gentle touch of a hand
That saved me
Lost but now I am found
Once blinded by light
Through the noises of night
The gentle touch of a hand setting me free
The touch of the Lord
(c)bjsscribbles