I have learned tricks in reducing my fears that have attacked my body over the years. I realise over the past couple of years fear and PTSD took its toll on my body. I have learned how to deal with my fears and anything that attacks me. Sometime when I react, I cannot believe it is me. I’ve had my ups and downs this year but I have been able to pull myself out of the triggers
I have faced fears, by facing fears, I am supporting my recovery, somehow there has been a breakthrough. I have realised I can heal the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, reducing its effects on my body. I had been on automatic pilot for many years and never took so much as a look at my stress. I knew there was a great deal of stress in my life but no doctors would really look at me. Till finding Nicole a psychologist in the town where I live she has given me different ways of dealing with stress..
My fear was pushed right down to the pit of my stomach and I ignored it, rising at such a moment that I would lock myself away for weeks on end. I was in denial for years, I was attuned to fear, I lived it every day of my adult life for 35 yrs. I lived in fear of life during the first few years till now this past 12 months It was normal to live that way. Giving into fear was easy, lock yourself away from the world and you would not get hurt.
The previous paragraph had been my life till now, it was how I managed, it slowed my healing right down. Until I’ve had serious attacks this year with vomiting, sapping me of my energy. I did not know what was going on in my body. My iron levels had virtually disappeared, my body was in so much pain, my B12 levels were down.
I had so many visits to doctors it was unreal I had never been to the doctors so much in my life.
It is funny this year, I stopped, I actually think I stopped running from myself. Last year, I said to myself, “My New Year resolution was going to be, that I had to re-think my life,” I did not think I would be stopping as much as I have but it has been a blessing. As you know I have given more thought to God in my life and I have found that to be the making of me. My solution may not be for everybody but it has worked for me. To stand still and find myself has helped me move on in life, and grow. I am surprised at how quickly now it is that I have healed.
Standing still and facing life and how life is going to be for me helped me work with my fears, not against it. Fear was guiding my life that is why I never stopped when I got back to South Australia and settled with my dogs. I thought I had dealt with everything that had happened to me, but now I know I had not, truthfully I was just escaping it, the more I got on with life I was still escaping.
Now this year the more I engage with my fears the more I have healed. Standing still has been a blessing, because I have faced life, whereas before I was powerless to face my fears .It has taken me some time but I am feeling good about the next chapter of my life. Fear contains such powerful messages the more we connect with our fears, the more we can identify and act on the messages that trigger our PTSD and get focused on a recovery. Healing from PTSD is about addressing what we’ve been so afraid of and finding ways to become more powerful in our recovery and be strong than the original fear.
It is frightening when we have an attack we cannot dismiss the fear, we must address. Fear is a mirror reflection of what you are frightened of and what you are powerless to address.
I have found so many positive element that have come from fear and who I was, what had mattered to me and where I needed to grow and how my circumstances needed to change. Fear has taught me so much, it has come slowly over the past few years. Now I am consciously aware and instead of resisting my fears I have accepted them.
At first I did not realise what I was doing this year, I have slowly been admitting, I stopped and faced my life accepted my fears and what had happened in my life. I have reduced my fears. It has been a huge revelation. One other thing this year I have had to accept myself and not be too hard on myself.
Remove resistance to fear, accept yourself, clear your calendar, stop, listen to your body and you are half way there. I won’t say that I am fully healed yet but I am nearly there.
I know I have written a great deal on fear, but the more we face our fears and try to heal we are not letting our PTSD take hold.