There are decisions that come into our lives, about ideas or directions. Decisions we make that affect our everyday lives. God places them gently in our hearts, but indecision creeps over our mind. We are left with choices to make, not knowing which way to turn.
I am struggling I know now I can write and I do wish to eventually write a book about the choices I’ve made since turning my life around and becoming a Christian. There are also many choices I’ve made settling in a different world far away from that, that I have lived all my life.
I take my time making a decision, it has to be the right one, if I pick the wrong one it may affect the rest of my life. Some people I know get annoyed with me because I take my time, but I need to make the right choice.
Sometimes I find myself over thinking and unable to see an outcome of the decision I make. So many possibilities with the things I need to do, when an idea seems real and a possibility something happens. I put it on the back burner for a while. Confusing it may seem to others, but when you start a new life far from the maddening crowds of city life, the circle of indecision may creep in.
Many times over the past few years I have said to myself, “I am not sure if it’s the right thing to do.”
I bet many of us would have found ourselves in similar situations. Not because we have not got enough to do, or too much time on our hands. When we think about it, we put our choices before God, you know you can do what is before you. But you become overwhelmed by the next steps.
There is another scenario, you have too many choices and you become paralysed or even depressed. In your mind nothing seems clear, even though you have thought about many times, for days on end.
This year has been a year of unwinding opening my heart further to God and leaping into the unknown. Rather than staying in the safety zone of a life that I have known for many years. I left a life behind me but I did not understand the patterns of life had followed me. That life guaranteed me a safety zone, but it was not what I needed now.
Don’t get me wrong I still think about things, but when I am in the mood of not knowing what to do. It bring back feelings of the past, when I was confused and afraid. When we are full of dilemmas’, binds, we tend to take the safe way and put our dreams on hold.
.I thought I had to plan things out, it was a way of surviving, instead of living by the heart. I am learning now to listen, slow down, and letting God show me the way. Taking small steps or baby steps as many have suggested to me, I find I get things done. But when I over think or analyse my decisions, trying to obtain a fail-safe result. I find I am not being the person I want to be, my faith slips. In faith we follow God, not a plan
I have since found I have to be kind to myself, I have lived depressed and paralysed by fear a response I felt as a child that wanted to be free. Learning to be kind to ourselves encourages one’s self when you feel stuck. Many have told me to give my worries to God, express my troubles, instead of making myself feel sick.
Lifting my problems up to God, takes responsibility off myself and I figure how things work, I find depression leaves my body and my heart is open. Showing me there is life and creation starts to flow.
There are many out there that are still critical of me when I make a decision. The decision affects my life not there’s I keep looking for the right choice, I finding trusting in God to take care of me..
I talk over decisions with friends when you have everything figured out. Then you have a chance to withdraw. There are time when you don’t want to talk until you have things figured out.
I quite often myself, thinking about God and Jesus and how my life has changed. I often talk with Jesus while I walk with my dog, sharing all the hard questions of life with Jesus. By comparing choices of life we often compare ourselves with other people’s expectation. If you are reading thing and a light goes off it is something we have all done. I know I did compare myself with others and found it never got me anywhere. As I grew to increase my voice with God and Jesus as a new Christian, I remembered what I have been trying to achieve. Not to be a servant to others.
The main point I am trying to remember is not to over think, or over analyse. I have to try and remember God is there for me and others and stop trying to figure out what is next.. Just do it and get on with life.
But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
. Matthew 21:21
And Jesus answered and said to them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will happen.