When you have lived life on the side lines and struggled to fit in I know I strived for perfectionism. Every stage of life, when I was young and you follow along through life attending the same school as other siblings and you cannot quite cut it with your grades.
When you are the quiet one, shy, an introvert, and the other siblings are extrovert you struggle to make friends. You want to make friends, but other look past you. So I decided it was my time to strive in other directions, sport that was something I did well at. Nobody could take that away from me. My working life was going well, I made a few friends but nobody was what you could call loyal. I held down a steady job till I married and fell pregnant, it was not a brilliant job, but it was a job as a sales assistant with a department store chain. I started to come out of my shell and it was time to leave and have my first child.
There were no self help books iin those days about being a mother only Doctor Spock and Mothers and Babies. You just winged it back then but I strove to be the perfect mother and roll model. When your husband believes he knows it all and what you do is wrong it all starts to fall away. I dug in and did the best I could. But at times you feel as though you are losing control of your life because you do some things different than what your husband want you to do. I tried for so long to be perfect I forgot what it was like to be me. To be a perfectionist is impossible the more you try the more mistakes you make, and mistake you try to hide.
Trying to be a Mum and make a home it was in the days when women were returning to work. My desire was to return to work, but the outer suburbs were starting evolve; it was where people could afford to buy homes. Distance for work was impossible for me to return to work, So I tried to become the perfect home body. What a challenge that was, nothing I ever did was good enough.
I wore myself out trying to create the perfect home and pleasing everyone, I ended up confused, depressed worn-out and frustrated with life.
Today life is different everything is out there, the internet is full of self-help pages, blog, the many magazines on creating the perfect home, magazines on creating the perfect baby, attending the perfect school. We live in a world now that keeps shifting the bench mark higher and higher each day to create the perfect lifestyle. Television now creates programs for us all to follow on being the perfect parent, student or athlete, even the perfect cook or gardener.
To me we become actors in life instead of creating images of the home life that is natural to what God describes in the Bible. We are differently as each year moves on from relationships in the home and community to relationships in the workplace the cycle is forever changing in this day and age.
People work long hours to gain approval from their team, or maybe you’re a single person who is happy in their life. No matter what you do not have to be perfect, you need to be you. Not someone created out of the media or what people expect from you. The second part of that statement was my biggest problem
God did not create us to be moulded by the media from all forms of the media; he created us to be moulded in his image not creating our own. God knew what he wanted me to be before I was born, but unfortunately I made mistakes till I learned God was waiting for me to return to his fold..
Before I left my marriage, I knew I was living wrong but I had to wait till it was right for me to leave. No time to leave a marriage a the right time, I know that now, but God showed me how to live the best way I could. With the life I had
Living now with the knowledge that God works in a wondrous way, I know God is creating me each day. He is creating me to be the best I can be and nothing else. Showing me new Gifts, each day, re-wiring my brain, to be a happy person, connecting with others of the same interest.
I have never been perfect, even though I still try because it has been instilled in me for every day of my married life, but I remind myself now from time to time to take a step back and relax. I don’t have to be perfect anymore, “I am my own person in my own right and with God’s help I am me”. The Lord has helped me to be human again not created in the image of others.
I thank You Lord for giving me a new life. Amen
He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. …
We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.