A life once lived

 was very hesitant about posting this, it is out of my vault that I have dusted of. I feel I can post this now in a different frame of mind. I actually think (no I know) God is leading me to post post it. My mind is healed and is continuing to be healed more each day, that is why I can post this. I prayed and thought about it now, its done. If it helps someone to know they can move on in life, then I will know that I have done something good.

Now that you are someone I used to know I can tell you,

I told myself you were right for me,

Now and then I think of when we were together,

I ached for your love,

I was happy just to be near you,

Never imagining a time would come,

When I could feel lonely in your company,

I still remember the early years,

Now and then,

Now that you are someone I used to know, I can tell you,

There was a sadness in my heart towards the end,

It was an addictive sadness about nothing,

I could see the end was near,

I found I could not make sense of my life,

I was glad when it was over,

Now and then you come back to me in my dreams,

Having me believe it was all my fault,

I shake myself, I want the dreams to go away,

I don’t wanna see those dreams anymore,

Your words, Your voice, come back to me,

Over and over, and make me shudder,

I just don’t wanna see those dreams anymore,

Now that you are someone I used to know,

Now that you are someone I used to know, I can tell you,

You cut me off every time I spoke,

Made out like arguments never happened,

We became a shadow of our past,

You treated me like a stranger in my house and that was rough,

You were two people, one sober gentle, one drunk angry,

You chose words that cut through my self being,

Your eyes were like glass each day of our lives

Now that you are someone I used to know, I can tell you,

I had to walk away, I did not trust the sober gentle one anymore,

There was an unspoken silence each day, nothing solved,

I did not want anything, I could not live the life no longer,

I just wanted my self respect,

Lost in addictive sadness for many years,

You wanted to be friends, I heard,

But I could not,

Now I can tell you, I live in a gentle world,

Fending for myself,

A simple life,

Just me and my dogs,

Solitude, just a few friends, learning to live again,

Where I spend my  nights and days with my dogs,

Now that you are someone I used to know, I have told you.


11 thoughts on “A life once lived

  1. There are a few ‘someone I used to know’ men and women that I’d like to meet again to either correct misunderstandings, tell them how much I regret not appreciating them at the time and also to see how they turned out.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have seen him once and that was enough, maybe one day I would like to see him again. I am so much a different person than I was when I left. More confident, more self assured. I was a mental wreck 4yrs ago at rock bottom. Now I am dusted off and living again. It was a long and disastrous marriage.


  3. Now that you have moved on Barb in Love and forgiven your husband and also understand and have compassion for him, you are set free from Satan’s foothold. Alcohol Addiction is a heavy cross to bear, like all Addictions, including when victims hold onto bitterness and resentment instead of forgiving those who have hurt them, they can’t let go because they keep reinforcing it instead of moving on in Love, eventually all the rehashing the hurt also becomes an Addiction.

    Forgiving is praying that all the good things we want for ourselves and those we Love, those who have hurt us will receive them too, especially Salvation, Faith, Peace, Joy , Eternal Life, No God can’t force them to repent and follow Him but He can open their eyes so they see His reality and they than can choose.

    Today I cooked a meal Barb for the couple I was telling you about on the Phone and gave them some other food too to help until they get paid, I also told them I had no bad feelings towards them and I don’t, I have forgiven them now, two wrongs don’t make a right but I do grieve that they walk in darkness and not only will they suffer but so will their Children…. Light and darkness can’t be in Unity.

    Christian Love Barb Always – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so right Anne. I respect your comment so much it was wonderful. I’m having a coffeee it is going to be a warm one here will do a little here and then get a shower and walk the doggies a bit earlier.


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